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Original poster

Giving him time

71 replies

Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 11:22

I've been seeing a guy for a few months. We work for the same company but don't see each other work wise very often.
We are both in our 40's.
Everything was going brilliantly until just over a week ago when something happened during an intimate moment that he said put him off.
He didn't tell me straight away, but after a couple of days.
He said that what happened put him off and he needed time .
I responded that I was really sorry and I would give him time and please could we start again.
He said 'No problem x'

I left it a couple of days and then sent a message to reassure him that the situation was avoidable and I had taken steps to prevent it happening again, which he didn't read for a few days as he was on holiday with family.

Again I got a reply, no problem.
I then stupidly added to the previous message on the same subject and he replied same day saying not to keep mentioning it as he gets it.

I've replied saying good idea.

The next evening I wanted to say something to show I had dropped the subject so just a casual how's your day been, kind of thing, which has been ignored.

Obviously I am going to leave it now as he's said he needs time.

He hasn't blocked me, which I'm taking as a good sign. His work contact is completely separate so he could block me on the personal number.

Just posting on here as I feel so lonely. I've done a couple of days work this week but don't have to be doing so until next week so I'm just moping around.

I have this dread of never hearing from him, and then having to face him at work.

I suppose I should say what happened, and I know for most men this would not be an issue but I bled a little bit and he was worried that there was blood when we did oral, which there wasn't. It was a minute amount, but he's a bit funny about things like that. I felt I had to message him to reassure and notice he has deleted the messages mentioning the subject, so he obviously wants to forget it.

I just hope he can get over it. Previous to this I've never had anyone make me feel as wanted or appreciated, and this was growing right up till that occasion.

On the day it happened he seemed fine, saying see you soon and kissing me when he left. But he said it was playing on his mind to the point where he felt ill with what could have happened.

Sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
ClementWeatherToday · 07/09/2023 13:18

I can accept this

You can accept a man shaming you!? You shouldn't.

Sounds like he's love bombed you and now the abuse is starting - if he comes back he'll expect you to be grateful that he's deigned to try to get past your disgusting female completely normal body. You'll accept anything in the bedroom for fear of this (by which I mean his behaviour) happening again. (How rough was he being to make you bleed in the first place!?)

He is NOT a good prospect, OP. If this hadn't happened he'd have found something else to browbeat you with. Bin him.

in every other way he is attentive, considerate, kind and makes me feel better than I have in a long time.

These things don't balance out his awful behaviour though. Some men are all these things, not emotionally abusive and shit hot at giving oral. This man is at best an immature, inept loser and at worst a manipulative arsehole. Neither will make a good partner.

Original poster
Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 13:19

All checked out, and no problems. Offending blood caused by minor scratch.

He has his own issues with semen. But it's something he has learnt to deal with . This scenario was new to him and I think it's given him horrible anxiety which is why I feel bad for the extra message mentioning it.

He's deleted those messages as I said, so obviously he found them difficult when I intended to reassure him (telling him what caused it)

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 13:24

I agree that his reaction does not fit his normal behaviour. Especially recently when he's been extra regular with contact, letting me know he's thinking about me, asking if I'm okay and to let him know I have got somewhere safe.
This is why it's come as so much of a shock.

No, he wasn't at all rough. He's always saying he doesn't want to hurt me, and is gentle and considerate.

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 07/09/2023 13:25

Sorry but I would have just burst out laughing at him when he’s told you that he was put off because of your period! Pathetic!

mrsmalaprop · 07/09/2023 13:25

It sounds as though he has major issues with bodily fluids, which is weird, but...ok...

It is his problem, though and he is making it yours. This is incredibly unfair of him.
^
He is making you feel awful and that is reason enough to run away.^

Original poster
Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 13:40

Thank you everyone. It helps me feel less alone to have you guys on here

OP posts:
ANiceBigCupOfTea · 07/09/2023 13:42

Honestly OP this would be a red flag for me - not what happened, but his response. Sometimes, fluids will come out of vaginas, and if a man can't be an adult and accept that, it would put me right off tbh.

itsmyp4rty · 07/09/2023 13:46

I think he needs time - time to get over himself. FGS he doesn't sound too stable to me OP with so much anxiety over this tiny little issue and needing time out to recover.

Could you imagine far in the future having a baby with this man? He'd need two fucking years to get over child birth.

I wouldn't be dating someone this unstable as I couldn't see a future in it.

aSofaNearYou · 07/09/2023 14:00

I think the only redeeming factor is that he also has an issue with semen, because otherwise he just sounds like a classic misogynistic man who's easily grossed out by women's bodies.

He is being overly dramatic about this and this kind of behaviour will obviously not make you feel wanted at all. But perhaps this is some form of OCD? If not, he really needs to grow up a bit and at least accept that his reaction isn't reasonable, even if he can't help having it.

Maray1967 · 07/09/2023 14:04

itsmyp4rty · 07/09/2023 13:46

I think he needs time - time to get over himself. FGS he doesn't sound too stable to me OP with so much anxiety over this tiny little issue and needing time out to recover.

Could you imagine far in the future having a baby with this man? He'd need two fucking years to get over child birth.

I wouldn't be dating someone this unstable as I couldn't see a future in it.

Yes - I was thinking that. And how on earth would he cope with nappies?

Original poster
Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 14:10

You're right, this is why he does not have kids, and I've had mine so all good there!

I think OCD is probably what is involved here. Now that I have dropped the subject and left him alone he will hopefully have chance to think about his reaction.

To have reacted this way and not apologise is so far away from his normal I can't even begin to explain.

This is horrible for me but it's certainly not what he wanted to happen either. Due to me being away a lot recently it was a while since seeing him, and he was here as soon as he knew I was back, we had really been looking forward to it and I am just devastated that this has happened.

OP posts:
GingerIsBest · 07/09/2023 14:14

Sorry OP, he's clearly not interested. Have you been having sex for a while or is this fairly recent? Because it reads to me like he's got his rocks off and now he's moving on. And just to rub salt into the wound, he's trying to make it YOUR problem.

For a start, if he was a bit freaked out by it, fine, but FFS, to need "Space" and also why did you feel yo had to reassure him? You can't promise him you'll never bleed again?

He sounds dreadfully immature. Either he moves on from a minor, perfectly normal biological reality or he ends it. This drama and ghosting is totally unecessary and he's being a complete dickhead.

Alcemeg · 07/09/2023 14:16

It just shouldn't be a big deal, OP.

I get that "he has his own issues with semen" means he is generally weird and not just in relation to women, but sadly this means any kind of intimacy is going to be treacherous ground for you both.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 07/09/2023 14:20

A man who is weirded out by oral or blood or whatever else is not the man for me. Never mind what he feels, I would struggle to see him as a mature adult capable of having a good time in bed.

I can see you probably want to continue with him but please be cautious of more of this. I feel that he has tried to put a ‘disgusting, dirty’ label on you or on sex with you. This is not going to translate into a successful relationship.

Original poster
Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 14:23

We've been having sex for a while. When we are not together he constantly talks about it

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 07/09/2023 14:31

Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 14:23

We've been having sex for a while. When we are not together he constantly talks about it

Well, that in itself is a little... Unhinged...

Original poster
Anonanonanon1 · 07/09/2023 14:35

Well maybe not constantly but he lets me know it's on his mind. For those who have said maybe he was looking for an excuse, that's definitely not it. I am 100% positive of that, it's like a switch has been flicked, the difference now, but I suppose if I asked for time and wasn't being given it, I'd be a little off too

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 07/09/2023 14:35

Really? Not really.

RayofSunshine18 · 07/09/2023 14:47

The switch that has been flicked is that he has been given the 'ick' by the blood. He has probably checked out.... Which in turn is possibly one of the most unreasonable things I have heard because we all bleed - every single one of us, as humans, bleed. Including him!

Stomacharmeleon · 07/09/2023 15:00

Time for what?

frozendaisy · 07/09/2023 15:01

What a knob.

Seriously OP, doesn't usually "do oral" squeamish about bodily fluids, bet he doesn't mind a blow job.

He might as well get a blow up doll because that's how he accepts you to be some pure glory hole that doesn't leak.

Sex is messy, fun, enjoyable, wet.

Is this really what YOU want?

Honestly hold you head high at work he sounds like a shit shag.

LyricalGangsta · 07/09/2023 15:32

The fact he sounds like a boy rather than a man with a grasp of women's bodies, the fact he 'doesn't usually do oral' is enough to bin him.
I expect he's quite partial to a blowie though? 🙄

LyricalGangsta · 07/09/2023 15:33

Oh sorry I see he does do both.
Still a no though

justbraisi · 07/09/2023 15:38

Gosh he sounds very immature about sex - this reaction to a bit of blood is way over the top, and the constant talk about it...yuck. He sounds about 16. Very unattractive.

wildwestpioneer · 07/09/2023 15:41

Give yourself a time limit, how long will YOU be happy to wait?

Tbh people bleed, I don't know why he's got the ick, but he has which is his prerogative.