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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex who dumped me years ago was horrible to me when I didn't want to hang out with him now?

29 replies

galaxyruffle · 06/09/2023 17:48

Today I was in town in a shop and ran into my ex-boyfriend from about 5 years ago. I dated him from 15 to 17 then he dumped me I think because he thought he might have a chance with another girl, I don't know if that worked out. I was devastated at the time but looking back it was for the as best he was 3 years older than me and probably felt lame dating a high school girl while he was at university and to be honest he wasn't really a great boyfriend to me very unreliable and quite selfish. I was super loyal and devoted (stupidly so) and so it was great for me to get out there to meet and date other people.

So I did get over him in a couple of months and started dating someone new then I went to university and so my life was moving on as it does at that age and I didn't think much about him. We were at the same university so I did see him about sometimes and when I'd run into him he would say oh we should hang out and to be honest I would probably have been more open to doing so as friends back then, I did wonder if he was testing to see if I'd be open to dating him again but nothing ever really came of it and I didn't try to make it happen as I was busy with my own life. The last time I saw him before today was at uni when he told me he was taking a year out from university due to his mental health but he never returned.

Anyway he saw me in the shop today and came up to me and we just chatted. I him asked how his parents, sister and friends were and so on just the usual pleasantries then he said we should swap numbers so we could hang out sometimes. I said no, I don't think so, he asked why and I said I just don't want to, I'm pretty busy with my work and I barely have enough time for my friends and boyfriend as it is. I hadn't given him much thought in recent years so my response was really just intuitive but I guess it just felt like a bad idea as it would be disrespectful to my current boyfriend and I guess it just feels like my ex on some level probably still sees me as the young, naïve, loyal girlfriend I was when I was with him, putting up with all his bad behaviour and perhaps thinks he could still pick up with me, but really it was just an instinctive no. It wasn't nasty or rude I was just establishing my own boundaries with him.

Anyway after it sank in that I really was saying no to him he turned nasty and shouted in the bookshop ( I was so embarrassed) that I'd "become a complete f**king bitch" and then he stormed off.

It was awful, I just don't get why he would turn so nasty, while he wasn't the best boyfriend he was never that nasty or abusive with me before so its just upsetting that this will be our last interaction because after that I think I will be avoiding him completely.

OP posts:
Raisinnola · 07/09/2023 08:58

can I ask why you think OP should’ve done that?

i personally think OP handled it perfectly, I really hope I’d have the self confidence to do the same in a similar situation.

Why should women act in ways just to appease men who can’t handle being told “no”? His reaction was completely on him and not the OP’s responsibility to manage. The fact that he reacted the way he did just because a woman told him “no” shows exactly what kind of man he is and he is sorely in need of educating that how OP reacted is okay.

i think well done OP, You should be really proud of yourself.

HerAvatar · 07/09/2023 09:02

I've heard it said that if you want the measure of a man tell them 'no' and see how they react so I guess you've proved that point at least OP! He's pathetic and you are well rid Flowers

galaxyruffle · 07/09/2023 09:52

Thanks everyone I feel a bit better after a nights sleep and now knowing that I did the right thing and saw that he hasn't matured at all yet. I hope for the sake of his next girlfriend that he feels embarrassed about his behaviour, reflects on himself and grows up a bit but not so sure he will do it just yet. Anyway he isn't my problem anymore to worry about!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 07/09/2023 10:04

I think you should be so proud of yourself.

Your gut read him well.

You really see the core of a man when you say No.

He is utter scum.

He thought he could pick up where you left off but you showed him clearly with your busy successful life you have in fact left him far behind.

He's a loser and he knows you know it.

Be so proud of yourself👏👏👏

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