Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Sex when you’re single

62 replies

Birthdayblu · 05/09/2023 21:52

Out with a fellow single friend this evening and happened to mention a past fling. Said fling happened after I’d taken a 4-month break from dating after a run in with an ex which shook my confidence.

Anyway, my friend (in her late 50s fwiw) commented that 4 months was a long time to be celibate. I was surprised given that I know tonnes of couples who are in sexless arrangements. Like me my friend is on dating apps but I tend to need a connection with someone I take to bed. Not always, but usually. I’m in my mid thirties for context and don’t have DC yet.

So. to my fellow singletons, is 4 months a long time to go without in your experience? What do you do to scratch the itch if you’re (like me) not meeting people organically?

feeling rather nostalgic about my confidence-boosting fling, now! 😛

OP posts:

Original poster

Birthdayblu · 07/09/2023 13:22

@Hawkins0009 oh I’m aware of the fizzle! Got the t-shirt.

@whatisheupto yes, the thought had crossed my mind that she was being a little catty…

@LaPerduta relatable! How annoying to find someone up for a casual arrangement and them not meeting your needs - gutting. Definitely not in the headspace for meeting anyone’s mum at present so an fwb would be ideal, but it’s slim pickings on the usual channels

OP posts:

Namechange240 · 09/09/2023 14:08

I have a FWB but if I wasn't seeing him, I definitely wouldn't need to have sex and could go without it for months. I also need to have a bit of a connection with someone to have sex with them.

Tony80 · 01/05/2024 20:40

All night

Telemakus · 01/05/2024 20:45

8 years here. If you're a man and not good looking then confidence boosting flings are not a thing.

StarlightLady · 02/05/2024 04:45

I think a month is a long time, let alone 4. I’ve not been celibate for more than a couple of weeks since l’ve been sexually active (40 something now), but it’s entirely up to the individual’s wants or needs. In my case the passion with someone kicks in.

But l’ve been told on MN before that people had names for girls like me when they were at school, bring on the name calling!

Shan442 · 02/05/2024 05:47

I couldnt just have sex either. I enjoy sex but im the type of woman that fears them finding my body unattractive. I have a very very mild psoriasis issue. Its sometimes only 4 or 5 tiny patches smaller than a 5p. But my knees have one each at the moment and for that reason i wont do it. I get asked out and chatted up abit but i just presume theyll have an issue with it.

I have a good sex drive so i use toys. My last relationship ended up sexless.it wasnt fair really as he had the control with that.

Loubella1 · 02/05/2024 06:46

I went 2 years without sex after a relationship not working out. I just gave up on men and found it easier to focus on myself. My current partner went 3 years. A connection is what I really needed.

Menopants · 02/05/2024 06:51

GarlicGrace · 06/09/2023 08:38

I probably never went as long as four months, though I don't recall counting! Now, however, it's been 17 years 😬 Got divorced, overwrote him with a couple of friendly shags, and that was the end. Now I'm too knackered, and my circumstances limit opportunities to near zero.

I really enjoyed social sex. I enjoyed the married sex, too, but it rarely contained any more emotional meaning than the 'why not' encounters - and often significantly less.

We're all different, and we sure as hell do change over time and life events. If you're currently averse to commitment-free shagging, don't do it. If you one day find you feel like it, do it. And have fun either way!

‘Overwrote him’ is a fantastic expression. I am divorced but it definitely took a bit of overwriting to get him out of head

Neveralonewithaclone · 02/05/2024 07:05

It's been years now. I had a lot of casual, disappointing sex as a youngster but that was drinking and clubbing. I don't know how I'd manage casual sex now that I no longer do either. I'd need someone who shared my interests of dogs, gardening and pottering - not a hot bed for hookups 😂

SamW98 · 02/05/2024 07:49

SamW98 · 06/09/2023 07:36

I’ve been single since March 2020 and it’s the longest period of my adult life both being single and being celibate.

I’ve always had a very healthy sexual appetite but I have to have a real connection with someone before I could even think about sleeping with them I just couldn’t do casual sex or FWB.

So like a lot of us, I’ve made very good use of sex toys - thank god for rechargeable vibrators otherwise my lockdown battery supply would have been huge 🤣

Just started seeing someone in last few weeks so maybe soon I’ll be back in the saddle 😘

Well this aged well - the bloke I started seeing had ED so my drought continues.

Tbh after 4 years and only one man been even vaguely attracted to, I’m starting to think thats my sex life over.

StarlightLady · 02/05/2024 09:17

Shan442 · 02/05/2024 05:47

I have a good sex drive so i use toys. My last relationship ended up sexless.it wasnt fair really as he had the control with that.

For every potential bed fellow that does not have society’s view of perfection there is another. Plus there is also understanding. It’s enough to say the first time that “l have a little bit of psoriasis on my knees” (the rest sounds relevant), l’m sure that will suffice. When it comes to knickers off, they are not going to be looking at your knees anyway.

Disturbia81 · 02/05/2024 10:10

Love sex but I can easily forget about it and go for ages without it. We're all different.

Flip

1 2 3