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Original poster

Was I too harsh?

38 replies

VelvetVoice · 01/09/2023 21:17

It was supposed to be a first date.

We are both in London.

So we agreed to meet at 1:30pm - he chose the time and the location (we both travelling by public transport so the meeting point was a tube station)

At 12:30 he texted me to ask where I was traveling from and I told him my departure station and told him I was already there waiting for my train (I was probably going to get there earlier but I always do that for everything as I hate being late and get really stressed with the prospect of not being punctual)

At 1:15 he texted me suggesting 3 different places (all stores) for us to meet - all of them around the train station meeting point already agreed - and then he says he is running late and will arrive at around 2:00 - 2:15pm - I then pick the store that has a coffee shop inside so at least I can sit down.

I get to the store / coffee shop banging on time and as I am hungry, decide to get something to eat and drink. By the time I finish, it is 2:30 and no sign of him. I was sat somewhere where I could see everybody coming in. And we had actually met in person before so it is not like he saw me and decided to run...

So seeing that he was 1 hour late from the original time agreed and late from the time he told he would be there and I had zero texts from him explaining why he was not there yet, I decided to cut my losses and leave.

At 2:58, I then received a text from him saying that he was nearly there, 1 minute away from the store...just like nothing happened and he was on time...

I then told him I was gone because he was too late and he apologised, blamed the Northern line which apparently was held out...I said "no worries, enjoy you day" and he kept asking where I was plus sending me ideas of places to go and things to do - and even mentioned champagne...

I told him I was not in the mood and was on my way home but he kept calling, blowing up my phone with messages and insisting we still meet.

I blocked.

It was such a nice day - gorgeous weather, I was so happy with my outfit. If he had said he would be THAT late, I could have found something to do in the area on my own, there where many places I could have checked out and even do some shopping - but it was the lack of accountability that ticked me off -

I know there is no signal in the tube but he messaged me at 3pm saying he is round the corner like he was not even late - did he really think I would wait that long especially since I didn't know about the train issues?

What would have you done?

And if you were traveling in the Northern Line from North to Central London around that time today, was it really that bad or is he lying and using tube delay as an excuse?

OP posts:
Slippersandshakes · 01/09/2023 21:19

Well done for knowing your worth

ClementWeatherToday · 01/09/2023 21:20

Were you too harsh? No, you just have good boundaries. He's not a keeper. Well done, dust yourself off and move on.

Also, what @Slippersandshakes said!

Hiddenvoice · 01/09/2023 21:21

Definitely not too harsh, he was so late. Why not tell you how late he was going to be in the first message so you could have at least prepared yourself.

FeeTie · 01/09/2023 21:25

Not harsh at all.
You were patient and thoughtful (sitting so you could see them enter in the coffee shop)
He was unapologetic in his tardiness and showed no concern for you waiting!

Stratocumulus · 01/09/2023 21:25

You did the right thing.
Don't give it/him another thought.
Sleep well!

IWasFunBeforeMum · 01/09/2023 21:27

I'd do the same

Deathbyfluffy · 01/09/2023 21:29

Yup, he deserved it.
A girl I was dating used to do the same - plan to meet, faff about then be all pissy when I told her to fuck off after she had a whinge that I didn’t just hang around for her all day.

These people are a complete waste of time and energy.

Opentooffers · 01/09/2023 21:31

Outrageously late, you gave him every chance. Nope, to him you're an afterthought. You valued yourself, he's not worth it.

BorrowedThyme · 01/09/2023 21:31

well done you! The correct decision in my opinion

FoxyFeeling · 01/09/2023 21:33

What would I have done? I wouldn’t have waited beyond the agreed time, 1.30pm

pictoosh · 01/09/2023 21:36

I don't think you were harsh, no. I think he's slack.

doitwithlove · 01/09/2023 21:39

Good on you for having boundaries in place. He sounds like a waste of space.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 01/09/2023 21:39

If he knew that he was running late/tubes not running , he should have warned you, not after the event.

Original poster
VelvetVoice · 01/09/2023 21:42

FoxyFeeling · 01/09/2023 21:33

What would I have done? I wouldn’t have waited beyond the agreed time, 1.30pm

The only reason I did was because he gave a heads up, I was already on my way and decided to eat as it was lunchtime and I don't have breakfast. And I know how travel in Londo n has been shitty lately and that us why I give myself plenty of time to get somewhere.

But I agree with you - and he was so nonchalant as well, deeply irritating on top of everything else.

OP posts:
TheAverageJoanne · 01/09/2023 21:47

A guy I was seeing a long time ago now was always late. Once I waited 45 minutes and went home and then received a furious message from him saying he's late because he'd got the runs.

EmmaEmerald · 01/09/2023 22:21

TheAverageJoanne · 01/09/2023 21:47

A guy I was seeing a long time ago now was always late. Once I waited 45 minutes and went home and then received a furious message from him saying he's late because he'd got the runs.

Did you say you had the runs and that's why you ran away?

it's awful behaviour OP, you did the right thing.

Doggymummar · 01/09/2023 22:24

I get great signal on the underground, I would have left too

FictionalCharacter · 01/09/2023 22:29

You weren’t harsh. It’s lucky you found out what he’s like this early on. You would have had changed plans and lateness every time.

fairymary87 · 01/09/2023 22:32

Proud of you

Zanatdy · 01/09/2023 22:34

There’s a train strike today, though not tube, but not sure if any knock on effect. He was super late and given not even apologetic and thought it was fine for you to hang around waiting all day - definitely right decision to get rid.

Autieangel · 01/09/2023 22:37

First date he should be trying to impress you. He set a pretty low bar. I wouldn't bother again either.

supercali77 · 01/09/2023 22:38

An hour and a half late without an update is ludicrous. You did absolutely the right thing in leaving and enjoying the rest of your day

stonedaisy · 01/09/2023 22:47

He should have been there earlier.. if he's messing you around on a first date is doesn't bode well for the future. He literally expected you to wait around for him, thats so arrogant

BluebellsForest · 01/09/2023 22:54

Trying to lure you back in with suggestions of Champagne is spectacularly naff!

Original poster
VelvetVoice · 01/09/2023 23:00

BluebellsForest · 01/09/2023 22:54

Trying to lure you back in with suggestions of Champagne is spectacularly naff!

Riiiight?

I do wonder what kind of woman he is used to?

And this is a professional man, writer, blah blah blah

I think he has a fetish for women my nationality and the majority of them are either too easy, too impressionable and also always late lol - but he knew I was gonna be on time since we exchanged messages when I was waiting for my train

I do believe there were some travel problems but also think he didn't manage his time well - and the way he treated the whole event was out of order

I would have called the person waiting for me and be super apologetic as soon as I had phone signal instead of pretending nothing is happening

Also he kept blowing up my phone and insisting when I was clear I was not interested anymore - no respect whatsoever

OP posts:
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