Was I too harsh?

[VelvetVoice]

It was supposed to be a first date.

We are both in London.

So we agreed to meet at 1:30pm - he chose the time and the location (we both travelling by public transport so the meeting point was a tube station)

At 12:30 he texted me to ask where I was traveling from and I told him my departure station and told him I was already there waiting for my train (I was probably going to get there earlier but I always do that for everything as I hate being late and get really stressed with the prospect of not being punctual)

At 1:15 he texted me suggesting 3 different places (all stores) for us to meet - all of them around the train station meeting point already agreed - and then he says he is running late and will arrive at around 2:00 - 2:15pm - I then pick the store that has a coffee shop inside so at least I can sit down.

I get to the store / coffee shop banging on time and as I am hungry, decide to get something to eat and drink. By the time I finish, it is 2:30 and no sign of him. I was sat somewhere where I could see everybody coming in. And we had actually met in person before so it is not like he saw me and decided to run...

So seeing that he was 1 hour late from the original time agreed and late from the time he told he would be there and I had zero texts from him explaining why he was not there yet, I decided to cut my losses and leave.

At 2:58, I then received a text from him saying that he was nearly there, 1 minute away from the store...just like nothing happened and he was on time...

I then told him I was gone because he was too late and he apologised, blamed the Northern line which apparently was held out...I said "no worries, enjoy you day" and he kept asking where I was plus sending me ideas of places to go and things to do - and even mentioned champagne...

I told him I was not in the mood and was on my way home but he kept calling, blowing up my phone with messages and insisting we still meet.

I blocked.

It was such a nice day - gorgeous weather, I was so happy with my outfit. If he had said he would be THAT late, I could have found something to do in the area on my own, there where many places I could have checked out and even do some shopping - but it was the lack of accountability that ticked me off -

I know there is no signal in the tube but he messaged me at 3pm saying he is round the corner like he was not even late - did he really think I would wait that long especially since I didn't know about the train issues?

What would have you done?

And if you were traveling in the Northern Line from North to Central London around that time today, was it really that bad or is he lying and using tube delay as an excuse?

There is wifi in the tube so he could have sent you a WhatsApp message or similar... not that it matters now. You definitely did the right thing, who is 1.5 hours late for a date and acts like it's no big deal?!

Not even sending you a sorry I'm so late text would've also pissed me off.

You haven't been harsh.
You've instilled your boundaries.

And I have been checking and as far as I can see, there were no problems on the Northern line on that time and on his route

So he is also a dirty liar

Unbelievable

Well done OP. Start as you mean to finish. I would have been somewhat sympathetic if there actually were problems on whatever transport he was taking, but he didn’t mention that. Such as ‘I’m running late because the Northern Line blah blah.’ But he was just late and thought you’d stick around. Dick.

This is why I dot go crazy on first dates. No time to waste like this. Poor you. He was a rude asshole..

I think you were completely fair.

I'm a londoner, and tube delays happen but they don't make you 1.5hrs late.

For me, punctuality is especially important on a first date when you're making first impressions. Like you I always make sure I'm a bit early, and I'd want someone who's similarly organised and considerate.

To top it all off he kept trying to persuade you when you told him no, which is a red flag in terms of respecting your boundaries.

You weren't the least bit harsh.

Not harsh. There is no reason for you to sit there just waiting for him to show up at some point.

Problems on the underground don't usually last long plus there is wifi connection intermittently on the Northern Line. There's always the option to leave the system and go out to find a bus / another line / use the phone. It's been many years since I've been stuck in a tube in a tunnel for longer than a few minutes. Usually you get a message while at a station or on the train before it stops at the next station.

He's disorganised which is unforgivable for a first date when he should be making an effort, especially as he chose the time in the first place.

I blocked him on whatsapp but not on my phone so today I received this 🙄

Wouldn’t have been easier waking up and saying ‘hey, let’s move it to 3’oclock’ rather then pulling a stunt and blaming the tube?

Addicted to drama, I’d say.

What an arse.

I would have been annoyed st the nonchalance and lack of update. Good for u OP.

I wouldn’t have waited past the original 13:30. Late isn’t something I tolerate.