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Original poster

Buying a house with someone you are divorcing

33 replies

Whitexocolatecupcake · 01/09/2023 13:03

My relationship ended from my side for the past 5 years, no intimacy, just coparent ( 5 y/o child) and living together. He has talked me out of separating every time, used to be manipulative and verbally abusive but that's much better now. I haven't moved out because of fear of not managing on my own financially, rents are half my salary so I can't afford it. He always wanted to get a mortgage together as rents are ridiculously high, he has little chances of buying on his own as he is self employed. I didn't want because I thought that would make it even harder to separate. However, I don't think I will be able to afford separating now anyway, so I'm thinking of getting a mortgage together, hopefully being able to save a bit more and then separating in a few years when I can afford my own house. I'm thinking of having an appointment with a lawyer to check how I can do this without being more screwed financially and without bonding myself to my husband forever. I'm not too bothered about divorcing unless it can help me legally, not planning on dating for a long time anyway. My questions:

  • Is it a stupid idea? Has anyone done sometime similar
  • What are the main things to ask to a lawyer in the appointment?

Just to add, we both have separate accounts with similar amount of savings. I don't have any property, he does own a house in his country of origin, which he bought during our marriage, but he put it on his mum's name so I can't claim anything, nor do I want to! I just want for both of us to keep our savings without sharing anything.

Thanks if you read it all :)

OP posts:
YouHoooo · 01/09/2023 13:06

No no no no no no no.

Thats a crazy idea, sorry. You can’t stay with someone who ‘used to be abusive but is much better now’, for your own self worth and because it must be a shitty atmosphere for your DC.

You CAN survive on your own (have you factored in maintanance and UC?) - milllions do it.

ScottishIceCream · 01/09/2023 13:08

Thousands of women have been in your position and have survived on their own.

Do not take out a mortgage, that would be insane!!!!

VanCleefArpels · 01/09/2023 13:09

Crazy doesn’t touch the sides….

the phrase “shit or get off the pot” comes to mind. Divorce the man, get on with your life - what you are considering does not allow you to live a full life. Be kind to your future self and don’t do this.

EL8888 · 01/09/2023 13:09

Ridiculous idea. Don’t do it!

catsnhats11 · 01/09/2023 13:12

Just no.

materialworldagain · 01/09/2023 13:13

You'd be far better (emotionally and otherwise) to get a shared ownership property on your own, rather than get into a shared/living situation like this.

sunshinesupermum · 01/09/2023 13:19

Don't do this under any circumstances.

category12 · 01/09/2023 13:19

Being married to him is the biggest financial tie you can possibly have, overriding much of any attempts to keep finances separate. Ask the solicitor about divorce, not house-buying.

Undisclosedlocation · 01/09/2023 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TitInATrance · 01/09/2023 13:21

I know somebody who did this, bought a big house, separate accommodation and a friendly relationship- DC grown and gone. Now the divorce has become acrimonious, the market has dropped and they can’t sell.

Whataretheodds · 01/09/2023 13:23

Is it a stupid idea?

Yes.

Do you have children?

tescocreditcard · 01/09/2023 13:41

No from me too

Greengrassohla · 01/09/2023 13:42

It is a really stupid idea

BoohooWoohoo · 01/09/2023 13:49

When you divorce, the starting point for the division of assets is 50%
So say you give up everything nice and save more than him, you will have to split the difference.
Does he have a pension as a self employed person ? He can come after yours as it will be an asset too.
Being home owners rather than renters can delay the divorce process as one side can be awkward about selling.
I wouldn't do what you're planning.

AnSolas · 01/09/2023 13:53

You want to enter into a financial transaction with someone who has hidden family resoruces under his mothers name?

He had enough money to buy a house so he had money to put down as a deposit in the UK. Instead he chose to lock it away from you.

Now you want to use your credit rating to buy a house that he can refuse to leave or sell and you lock your earning for the full term of the loan.

Yes it is a stupid thing to do

Ask how much money it would take force the sale of the house

Topseyt123 · 01/09/2023 13:56

The idea is utterly ridiculous. Bonkers!

No, no, no, no, no, no. NO!

bjrce · 01/09/2023 14:13

If you are Divorcing him, if you can get proof that he signed over his house to his mother during the course of your marriage, that can really go against him in the divorce. You may still have a claim on his house.

Under no circumstances buy a house with this man. He sounds like a highly manipulating person.

TeeBee · 01/09/2023 14:16

Good lord! Give your head a wobble. That would be utter madness. Take a closer look at your finances.

ActDottie · 01/09/2023 14:24

This is madnes!!! Noooo!!!

Original poster
Whitexocolatecupcake · 01/09/2023 14:34

Thanks for all the responses. It's painful to read but I appreciate the honesty. The system punishes you for divorcing. I grew up poor, don't own anything and will never inherit anything. I struggled with my health for many years and just recently started to save (although I have always worked). That can explain my resistance to yet another blow that will eliminate any hopes to get anywhere in life, so I appreciate if you don't judge for considering this.

OP posts:
category12 · 01/09/2023 14:47

I reckon he'll punish you more for not divorcing.

You can't trust him not to screw you over - he's already demonstrated he'll go to great lengths to hide assets/attempt to remove your claim on them.

If you move on from him, divorce, it's an opportunity. You might meet someone decent with whom you can build a life - far harder to meet anyone nice while still entangled with this guy. And yes, I know you're not interested in dating right now, but in time you might be.

Maybe you could go into a house-share and save like mad for a deposit, or maybe you'd be eligible for shared ownership or some other way of getting your foot on the ladder - but deliberately linking your financial future to someone who absolutely will fuck you over given half a chance is madness.

VanCleefArpels · 01/09/2023 15:22

Whitexocolatecupcake · 01/09/2023 14:34

Thanks for all the responses. It's painful to read but I appreciate the honesty. The system punishes you for divorcing. I grew up poor, don't own anything and will never inherit anything. I struggled with my health for many years and just recently started to save (although I have always worked). That can explain my resistance to yet another blow that will eliminate any hopes to get anywhere in life, so I appreciate if you don't judge for considering this.

You need a mindset change - divorce does not necessarily mean you will get nowhere in life. If you are able to embrace it as an opportunity to move on, live a full life instead of this half life you have tolerated for too long, you may be able to summon the strength to do the right thing

MrsMoastyToasty · 01/09/2023 17:14

No No No.

Scenario.

  1. Gets joint mortgage
  2. He stops paying his share.
  3. You can't afford the whole payment.
  4. You fall behind.
  5. His credit score is fucked.
  6. Your credit score is fucked.
  7. Lender starts repossession proceedings.
  8. You are homeless.
SpamFrittersYouSay · 01/09/2023 17:29

The system isn't punishing you.
You need to find a way to stand on your own two feet.
The system wasn't responsible for your break up!

billy1966 · 01/09/2023 18:45

This would be complete madness.

You need to find a way to leave this relationship.

A morgage will cause you to be even more vulnerable.

Never trust a man who has been abusive.

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