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Original poster

Sister refusing to come to my wedding

56 replies

Charlie201526 · 31/08/2023 10:55

I’ve been with my partner for 15 years we are due to get married in 2 weeks. I’ve had a falling out with my sister I currently provide childcare for her free of charge twice a week and she talks to me so rudely and insinuates I’m not looking after my niece properly ( when she knows I am think she does it whenever she is in a bad mood) anyway I snapped back that untill she apologised to me for the way she has spoken to me I will not provide childcare. She has refused to apologise and is now pulled out of her and my baby niece coming to my wedding.

m what happens when a sister won’t come to your wedding how do you get past this if you can such a big thing feels just utterly nasty and hateful. !!!

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 31/08/2023 12:00

I think you might find this is a good excuse for your jealous sister to avoid seeing you happy while she is not.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/08/2023 12:01

My grandmother threatened not to come to my wedding (as I knew she would, what with her not being the centre of attention). My response was 'OK, is that a definite no? because I need to tell the caterers.'

Power play. Ignore it. It will drive her mad, as an additional bonus.

romdowa · 31/08/2023 12:02

My brother didn't come to my wedding. We hadn't spoken in several years, I extended the invitation out of curiosity and he declined. We had a great day and he stayed at home to mind my mother's dogs. Its her choice not to come , so leave her to her tantrum

Tabitha1960 · 31/08/2023 12:17

firstmummy2019 · 31/08/2023 10:57

You say "OK" and get on with your life.

this

perfectcolourfound · 31/08/2023 12:17

Just accept it and move on.

She is showing her true colours. She isn't remotely grateful for the significant help you give her. More than that, she's actively rude. You don't owe her anything at all.

She needs you A LOT more than you need her. Without you, she has to find alternative childcare and pay the going rate. And no doubt that childcare won't put up with her being rude to them. Without her - well you'll still have a lovely wedding day, and you'll save yourself masses of time and energy.

Of course noone wants to fall out with their sibling, but your sister is the one in the wrong, so only she can put it right. She's expecting you to back down / apologise, because you so desperately need her at your wedding, and so she can get you back doing free childcare. If you apologise / back down, you're in an even worse position, she'll continue to be rude and ungrateful, and you'll regret it.

IncognitoMam · 31/08/2023 12:19

My brother didn't come to my wedding. He'd already booked a holiday. I didn't give it another thought. But she doesn't deserve to be at yours.

Hope you have a wonderful day OP.

Epidote · 31/08/2023 12:33

You know? she must be raging. Her poor manners had made her lost two days of free childcare and an important family event. Her loss.

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 31/08/2023 12:35

Charlie201526 · 31/08/2023 10:55

I’ve been with my partner for 15 years we are due to get married in 2 weeks. I’ve had a falling out with my sister I currently provide childcare for her free of charge twice a week and she talks to me so rudely and insinuates I’m not looking after my niece properly ( when she knows I am think she does it whenever she is in a bad mood) anyway I snapped back that untill she apologised to me for the way she has spoken to me I will not provide childcare. She has refused to apologise and is now pulled out of her and my baby niece coming to my wedding.

m what happens when a sister won’t come to your wedding how do you get past this if you can such a big thing feels just utterly nasty and hateful. !!!

Ok, good riddance.

Manifest828 · 31/08/2023 12:37

My brother didn't come to my wedding so I haven't spoken to him since June 2018. Went on a family holiday as my sister was getting married. Did not speak to each other then either. He was in the wrong. Hasn't apologised. But I'm not going to let that ruin my life.

bjrce · 31/08/2023 12:58

She had more to lose than you! Is she a bit dim?

Good luck to her finding free childcare after your Wedding. Who is minding her child at the moment? Guarantee she'll come grovelling. She has some cheek!

On what planet does she think her behaviour will work in h her favour?

Sueveneers · 31/08/2023 13:01

You sigh with relief. She sounds like a parasite, a user. You don't need her in your life. I wonder why you've been a doormat for so long. It should have been you telling her were to stick using you as free childcare, and uninviting her to the wedding. What's wrong with you that you feel sad? Feel relieved and rejoice.

TheFormidableMrsC · 31/08/2023 13:03

I have no time for a grown ass adult who behaves like a toddler when they don't get their own way. You've been providing free childcare and she treats you like this? It would be a no from me and invoice for care provided thus far. Don't play into her hands, she's no loss.

Jewelanemone · 31/08/2023 13:07

I don't think I've ever seen so many unanimous posts! I fully agree with all of them.

HarpieDuJour · 31/08/2023 13:08

Outside of the childcare, do you have much of a relationship? It doesn't sound like you do, and if that's the case then you haven't lost anything except an obligation.

Sueveneers · 31/08/2023 13:09

TheFormidableMrsC · 31/08/2023 13:03

I have no time for a grown ass adult who behaves like a toddler when they don't get their own way. You've been providing free childcare and she treats you like this? It would be a no from me and invoice for care provided thus far. Don't play into her hands, she's no loss.

Agreed, I'd be invoicing her for the childcare. Wind her up and watch her go.

Saharafordessert · 31/08/2023 13:15

She really hasn’t thought it through has she!
Shes effectively lost out on free child care and a big family event. Surely the rest of your family will question her absence?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/08/2023 13:31

Saharafordessert · 31/08/2023 13:15

She really hasn’t thought it through has she!
Shes effectively lost out on free child care and a big family event. Surely the rest of your family will question her absence?

Anyone want to place money on DSis asking OP for child care once the wedding and honeymoon are over?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 31/08/2023 13:42

You accept that she's that she's the problem not you.

You invited her- If she doesn't come that's on her.

Mari9999 · 31/08/2023 13:42

@Charlie201526
For anyone who is receiving free , responsible, and seemingly necessary , child care, to act so ugly is unacceptable. I would only imagine that things may not be going well in her life and you may be the only person with whom it feels safe to get angry.

If it were my sister, I would make a last ditch effort to reach out and see perhaps what might be going on in her life. If she chooses not to respond, I would let her know that the door is always open if she chooses to talk.

Tbh, your wedding will go on successfully with or without her presence, but rarely is it wise to close a door on a close familial relationship.

If you have been in a relationship for 15 years, you are probably experienced in the life ups and downs that can come with relationships. Your sister may just be in one of these cycles.

Just enjoy your wedding, and let you relationship with your sister go through its own ebb and flow. In the normal healthy sister relationships, there can be simple or serious ups and downs but while other relationships may come and go, you remain sisters for life.

ZaphodDent · 31/08/2023 13:47

Whilst I agree with the sentiment of the other posts, if she doesn't come to your wedding then this changes from a spat about childcare to a potentially relationship-destroying event.

Do you feel this is a relationship you can accept to lose, or be forever tarnished? Has your relationship with her been otherwise good? Would you be upset if she doesn't come?

I would be tempted to write to her and, without going over old ground, explain that it's important to you that she's there and if she doesn't come it could cause a permanent problem between you.

Cakecakecheese · 31/08/2023 13:51

She's rude about the very generous free childcare she's received so if she did come to the wedding she'd probably be rude about that so it sounds like her not coming would be a bit of a relief.

HowcanIhelp123 · 31/08/2023 14:01

You leave her to it. People have tantrums about weddings all the time. One of my best friends had her step mum tell her that she would refuse to come and stop her dad coming if she didn't put her on the top table and have her step-siblings she'd only met a handful of times in the wedding party. She ignored her and went and spoke to her dad who told step mum in no uncertain terms he would be going and she was being ridiculous.

Another friend had an aunt that was a carer. She refused to come unless she could bring the people she cared for (not relatives, actual job and no family had met them) as she 'couldn't imagine not sharing such a special occasion with them'.

Step mum came and was on best behaviour, aunt didn't but was good riddance! I'd just say you're sorry she isn't able to come and ask if thats a firm no so you can call the caterers and cancel their meals. She will likely back down but her choice if she doesn't.

Epidote · 31/08/2023 20:36

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/08/2023 13:31

Anyone want to place money on DSis asking OP for child care once the wedding and honeymoon are over?

Show quote history

50 p here, and a full quid on that her sisters will involve someone else first to act as messenger and pass her request to OP disguise as a bare necessity.

DavinaTheDreadful · 31/08/2023 20:58

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 31/08/2023 10:59

Well there won't be a scowling bitch in the wedding photos. Sounds like a win. And good for you for sticking up for yourself.

This! Enjoy your wedding op

KaySararSarar · 31/08/2023 21:06

Sounds like she’s expecting you to back down. Do not play into her hands OP…

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