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Original poster

Potential red flag

47 replies

Kittykatkate83 · 31/08/2023 08:48

Been dating a guy for 2 weeks, it's going really well we've become very close very quickly. Completely taken me by surprise. He was married for a very long time. He's just revealed he had an affair that lasted 12 years! I'm absolutely flabbergasted. It makes me think how can I trust the things he says to me after 2 weeks when he lived a lie for 12 years. I don't know what to do or think

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2023 08:49

I think that’s the second red flag. The first is “very close very quickly”.

FiddleLeaf · 31/08/2023 08:51

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2023 08:49

I think that’s the second red flag. The first is “very close very quickly”.

Ditto.

Is there any more info around why he did it? I can’t imagine being with someone who could lie constantly.

pilates · 31/08/2023 08:51

Agree with @BitOutOfPractice

Original poster
Kittykatkate83 · 31/08/2023 08:53

He said it was purely physical. But 12 years is just such a long time. I honestly think there are no honest men on this earth

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 31/08/2023 09:02

Two red flags there! 2 weeks is not very close territory 😱😱😱😱. After 2 weeks you know zero about this guy (except that he can lie really well). More red flags than a Cuban parade!!!

Tangerinedreams3 · 31/08/2023 09:03

Run

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 31/08/2023 09:09

Red flag. You'd being doing yourself a disservice to continue. Super-fast bonding can also be another big red flag. Together they're bad news.

tescocreditcard · 31/08/2023 09:10

Very close very quick makes me think he's hankering after moving in with you. And then he'll probably treat you the way he treated his wife

OilOfRoses · 31/08/2023 09:10

Very close quickly doesn't bother me so much. It was like that with me and DH. The 12 year affair would have me running though. It says a lot about him as a person IMO.

Susieb2023 · 31/08/2023 09:12

What a nasty NASTY piece of work. He stole the right to informed sexual consent from his wife for 12 years!!!!!! That’s horrific. Every day lying to her face, every day gaslighting. Just no!

He's telling you who he is. Run!

Original poster
Kittykatkate83 · 31/08/2023 09:13

I agree it happens fast for some people, I don't think it's a red flag. But 12 years I can't get my head around it. 12 months is bad enough but 12 years! He was with his wife from age 14 to 42 so a very long time

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 31/08/2023 09:52

OP please look up lovebombing. It really isn't healthy to feel "very close" to someone you've been seeing for two weeks.

And yes, a 12 year affair is shocking. It's concerning that you even feel a need to post here for advice instead of just kicking him to the curb.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2023 09:55

Been dating a guy for 2 weeks, it's going really well we've become very close very quickly.

This is the real red flag, op. He's love bombing you. Run for your life.

VeridicalVagabond · 31/08/2023 09:57

It absolutely is a red flag to have gotten very close to someone within two weeks, close enough that he feels comfortable confiding what a cunt he is to you.

OP, run. For god's sake. He's waving less of a red flag and more of a red marquee. You'd be insane to carry this on.

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/08/2023 10:04

That is bad enough, but I reckon when the going gets tough, the affair I will start again.

Did the woman concerned actually wants a relationship with him? Did she want him to leave his wife?

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 31/08/2023 10:10

Another point: a man who has an affair for 12 years is expert in leading double lives.

GilbertMarkham · 31/08/2023 10:13

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 31/08/2023 10:10

Another point: a man who has an affair for 12 years is expert in leading double lives.

Yep.

Theres a certain type of man, I've noticed, who always always seems to have to at least two women on the go.

Hrs usually dishonest or manipulative enough to make sure neither of the women have anyone else on the go but him.

It's their default.

Do you really want to hang around long enough to find out who your sister wife is going to be?

SnackQueen · 31/08/2023 10:15

Ugh. Slap yourself in the face and wake up. He's a love bombing, deceitful cunt.

Pumpkindoodles · 31/08/2023 10:15

What part of this are you unsure about?

GilbertMarkham · 31/08/2023 10:17

I've even see cases where they made their ex wife/estranged wife into the other woman (after leaving or being kicked out and setting up home with the other woman).
Their default is a triangle.

It's funny how a lot of totally male dominated societies where women don't have equal rights set up the same thing .... Formally or informally.

BCBird · 31/08/2023 10:25

Bin him. OP u deserve better. I cynically wonder if he told u this before or after you became lose. I can guess.

Bebosally · 31/08/2023 10:46

After managing an affair for 12 years, he will be an accomplished liar.
Bin.

Aikko · 31/08/2023 11:41

Run run run. Fast.

Riverlee · 31/08/2023 11:45

Lovebombing was my first thought.

Followed by ‘can’t be trusted’.

Riverlee · 31/08/2023 11:45

Although he is honest!!!