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Original poster

What's his problem

29 replies

pinterfre · 31/08/2023 07:02

Just venting-My DP concerns me when we disagree. We are due to get married but whenever we argue, which is really not often, he always talks about ending the relationship.

I have found him awake and in the other room for two nights in a row now. Both times on his phone. Last night he said it's because for the last couple of days I haven't been affectionate. He then gave me examples of times he thought I hadn't returned his affection. None of which I had any recollection of. He admitted that he had wanted sex at the time. I had my period which he knew but he is still labouring the point despite saying he understands.

Only a week ago he was saying I was the most affectionate person he ever knew and commented on how we had a great sex life even though we'd been together for a long time.

So this has come out of the blue. He's now questioning the relationship and saying I act more like a friend. It seems to me like a classic line to pave the way for an affair. I did say this and it didn't go down well as you can imagine.

I'm at a loss at such a dramatic change in his thought processes from one week to the next. He has completely blown what is nothing out of all proportion and I can't find a way back with him.

OP posts:
lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 07:04

I would hold off on the marriage until this is resolved (if it can be)

Poontangle · 31/08/2023 07:05

Please don't marry this dreadful man.

Hiddenvoice · 31/08/2023 07:05

Sorry it does sound like he’s making excuses and trying to blame you.

Original poster
pinterfre · 31/08/2023 07:06

Hiddenvoice · 31/08/2023 07:05

Sorry it does sound like he’s making excuses and trying to blame you.

I did say to him I felt he was making excuses.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 31/08/2023 07:15

Sounds like he has cold feet and is looking for a way out of the wedding.
He also sounds like a sex pest and I wouldn't want to marry him,

Original poster
pinterfre · 31/08/2023 07:18

ZekeZeke · 31/08/2023 07:15

Sounds like he has cold feet and is looking for a way out of the wedding.
He also sounds like a sex pest and I wouldn't want to marry him,

I asked him if this was the case. This pissed him off even more.

OP posts:
lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 07:19

When is the wedding? This year?

Original poster
pinterfre · 31/08/2023 07:20

lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 07:19

When is the wedding? This year?

Not for another two and a half years. Booked though.

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 31/08/2023 07:23

Sounds like an immature petulant child. Call his bluff and see if he's serious or just being a twat!

Naunet · 31/08/2023 07:44

When you say he was on his phone, do you mean taking to/texting someone or looking at porn? He sounds like a right entitled prick around sex frankly.

C152 · 31/08/2023 07:44

If you cancel any bookings this far in advance you should be able to recoup at least some, if not all of your money. Do it now rather than wait for things to get worse.

Aprilx · 31/08/2023 07:54

I honestly cannot imagine having issues like this in the run up to my wedding! It is supposed to be a happy, exciting time not a time to be concerned about affairs. It isn’t going to get any better, cancel the wedding.

HerMammy · 31/08/2023 08:01

Due to get married usually means imminently, not 2+ years, I'd cancel asap, he sounds like an utter arse.

Original poster
pinterfre · 31/08/2023 08:11

Naunet · 31/08/2023 07:44

When you say he was on his phone, do you mean taking to/texting someone or looking at porn? He sounds like a right entitled prick around sex frankly.

He was reading something. Looked like an email at long text.

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 31/08/2023 08:14

So you are considering nursing this along for 2 and a half years just to get to the wedding stage?
Do both of you a favour and stop it now.
He is an arse.
You dont need this.
Raise you standards.

lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 08:17

pinterfre · 31/08/2023 07:20

Not for another two and a half years. Booked though.

Show quote history

I'd cancel it and leave. I'm afraid this relationship is dead

Susieb2023 · 31/08/2023 08:35

In agreement with all of the posters above. He sounds like an arse, his behaviour is shady (the up on his phone on a different room is a red flag), he’s selfish and entitled around sex and you’re a good couple of years off marrying this loser. So get out.

You truly deserve better.

rainbowstardrops · 31/08/2023 08:48

You said you found him in a different bedroom twice this week looking at his phone, so did he start off in bed with you? Or did you know he'd huffed off because you didn't want to have sex?
That and threatening to end things, I'd be wondering if he's getting cold feet or whether there's somebody else on the scene.

RuffledKestrel · 31/08/2023 08:52

The threatening to end the relationship I see as emotional manipulation. Personally, after going through emotional abuse for years, if a partner ever threatens to end a relationship during a disagreement with me then that's when it ends for me now.
Don't pander to empty threats simple because they want sex and/or affection.

stealthninjamum · 31/08/2023 08:52

when couples in a healthy relationship argue they resolve things. They don’t threaten to leave. I agree with everyone else that you shouldn’t marry him, and especially don’t have dc with him. You’ll be too scared to raise a legitimate point in case he threatens to leave and that’s not good for your mental health.

Original poster
pinterfre · 31/08/2023 08:59

rainbowstardrops · 31/08/2023 08:48

You said you found him in a different bedroom twice this week looking at his phone, so did he start off in bed with you? Or did you know he'd huffed off because you didn't want to have sex?
That and threatening to end things, I'd be wondering if he's getting cold feet or whether there's somebody else on the scene.

Went to bed together. Woke up and he was gone.

OP posts:
Thisisme23 · 31/08/2023 09:02

HIs behaviour has all the signs of sexual coercion.
If this is the very first time anything like this has occurred - you need to nip it in the bud very quickly and tell him that behaviour is a shore fire way of him getting NO sex - at all.
Honestly - don't sweep this under the carpet and ignore it - call it out wide into the open and tell him you have no intention of marrying a potential sex pest.
If you let him get away with this kind of behaviour it will only get worse and before you know it you'll be having sex with him - just to keep the peace - and that will gradually destroy you & the relationship. (I'm sorry don't wish to be blunt but speaking form experience here).

You have 2 1/2 years before the wedding - plenty of time to decide what's right for you - but I'd maybe be holding back on making any further arrangements or spending more money on that right now.

rainbowstardrops · 31/08/2023 09:15

Went to bed together. Woke up and he was gone.

Hmm. I'd be wondering if he was chatting to someone or watching porn.

WildFlowerBees · 31/08/2023 09:59

Changing habits, being critical of you, blaming you. All signs of a possible affair.

Please don't marry a man who will erode your sense of self. Choose happiness, any man that berates you for not wanting to have sex is a bully and it won't get better just more frequent.

Nothingbuttheglory · 31/08/2023 12:00

Why on earth would you sign up to spend the rest of your life - or another 5 minutes - dealing with this shit?

You deserve better.

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