Husband doesn't love our child

[vidibi]

Hello all,
When I was pregnant, my husband told me he realised he didn't want our child anymore, but it was too late.
From that moment, five years have passed, and he is not a terrible parent, but...he doesn't love or even like her. he told me so, and it's pretty straightforward for me.
He is autistic, and sometimes it's not easy for him to deal with all the emotions that parenting brings up, so he just shuts the door, and I am all by myself for several days until he feels better.
He doesn't ask me; he does it, and I have no choice.
I am very tired of this situation, and it doesn't help that my father was the same, and it's very triggering for me. When my daughter is not around, he is his usual self, the man I fell in love with.
I don't know what to do, and I am having trouble talking with someone, even a friend. Sometimes, during the crisis, I even feel suicidal; it doesn't help I am depressed and on sertraline. I think he decided the mood's house, we spent a wonderful weekend and everything changed for a stupid reason (my daughter crying because she wanted an ice cream). He tried therapy and antidepressant, but it was useless.
He is a high earner, I don't work, I am studying ATM. We have no family in the UK. I have no money because it never made his money easily accessible to me (I have my bank account, and when I need money, I ask him). He has something like 30k, while I have 200 pounds. We share a house with a mortgage; both our names are on it, but I didn't put any money in it. I left my job to stay with my daughter when she was born.
I am asking for any type of advice or discussion... financial, emotional...I don't know. TIA

Finish your degree and then leave.

For the sake of you and your daughter.

Action For Aspergers This group offer counselling for partners of people with autism, you might find them helpful.

Please don’t fool yourself into thinking your dd won’t notice that her father doesn’t love her. Of course she will know. So damaging for her.

I rarely post something here but I feel I need to share my experience.

From your description I would say that you are suffering from Cassandra syndrome. It is the psychological trauma of emotional neglect from your autistic husband. Only women that went though this will understand how it is to live with someone who is not present in emotional and practical sense. And the only way to save yourself and your daughter is to divorce.

I think the older that kids get, the more they feel the lack of love from their parent. My older son (13) was initially very angry about the divorce but after several months he realised why I had to do it. He only now sees the real father as before father was often hiding in his room and not interacting much with kids. Now he has to (EOW) which is very hard and results in many meltdowns.

I have a new partner now, who bonded with my kids very quickly. He can be strict with them but he is emotionally invested, interacting with them, playing boys games. Just a few days ago he put my younger son on his lap and I saw a surprised expression on my son's face. I realised that his own father never took him in his lap, only rarely hugged him, never kissed him goodnight. This is hard on kids.

Any divorce is difficult but you are a strong person who will take good care of your daughter.

When things are stressful at work, does he shut the door for days on end and refuse to engage with anyone? Or does he just treat you and DD that way?

When his parents stay does he behave differently than when they are not there?

You said that this is triggering for you as your DF was like this with you, if you stay with this man, you are repeating the cycle with your DD, yet you say she's not impacted by this.

He'll never want 50/50 custody, and you can still have a relationship with your PIL

If you leave you'll be entitled to a % of the house equity, his pension and also that 30k he has squirreled away

Finish your studies, look for a job, and then see how you might be able to leave him.