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Original poster

Breakup thread

42 replies

Forfucksake84 · 29/08/2023 21:42

Anyone else currently going through a breakup? I am 6 weeks in and still in a lot of pain

OP posts:
Hellosausag · 29/08/2023 21:43

Break ups are awful. Are you no contact?

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 29/08/2023 21:49

For the last 2 weeks yeah. He cut me off so coldly...and all his responses have been like they were from a different person. I really want him back but I know it's not going to happen. I've never felt so heartbroken and depressed in my life.

OP posts:
TacCat49 · 30/08/2023 09:23

I wrote you a long and understanding response and somehow I've lost it. So again.
Yes i was heartbroken and depressed when my husband of 28 years died on the 29th January 2023. Its not the same situation as you but similar.
7 months later, i wish he was still here but hes not. I am much more accepting of the situation now. You are not defined by your partner. Ive found that you have to have a positive attitude, get out and about as much as you can. Even if you don't want to be. You have to mix with people and look after yourself. I wish you all the best for a positive return to normal life.

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 12:16

I am 7 months post break up and still feel no better he was also very cold & was basically with his new gf straight away.
I thought I would be better by now but I just seem to feel worse
I never want to experience this again

Hellosausag · 30/08/2023 12:53

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 12:16

I am 7 months post break up and still feel no better he was also very cold & was basically with his new gf straight away.
I thought I would be better by now but I just seem to feel worse
I never want to experience this again

i had a similar break up, he was with a new girl soon after and it took me over a year to get over it fully. You’re not alone in that

Hellosausag · 30/08/2023 12:54

Forfucksake84 · 29/08/2023 21:49

For the last 2 weeks yeah. He cut me off so coldly...and all his responses have been like they were from a different person. I really want him back but I know it's not going to happen. I've never felt so heartbroken and depressed in my life.

Such a cliche but it gets easier with time. No contact is best if possible. Block socials ect. Just do whatever you need to make your self feel better.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 13:17

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 12:16

I am 7 months post break up and still feel no better he was also very cold & was basically with his new gf straight away.
I thought I would be better by now but I just seem to feel worse
I never want to experience this again

How long were you with him? I was with him for 2 years but I felt he was perfect for me. I've never felt so in love with anyone and can't imagine feeling like it again with anyone else. It's so horrible. I feel like I can't function properly

OP posts:
Mugworttea · 30/08/2023 14:17

Hi OP, I was born in 84 if that's what your name means!
I am going through a very similar experience. Was with someone for 2 years, really close, living together most of it. We've been on some weird break for the past few months, brief check ins until about 4 weeks ago when we decided to meet up and work things out...we'd felt the same, missed each other immensely, could only love each other the way we do, etc. But I've only recently found out he's with someone else, he says it was 2 weeks after our 'break' ie his communication broke down ( I don't believe much of it).

He's been cold and I don't recognise this person anymore. But the memories and love for what we had are still there. I realise I'd had hope for being close again ( fuelled by his recent communication, pre new gf revelation!). I think in the past I've moved on so quickly, like my mind was able to power on through. But it seems my heart needs a lot of time to catch up and that's the strangest thing about this limbo period. Knowing its over, but still having hope. Its truly awful, so I'm sorry I am little help, just a reach out and a handhold. I dont tear up or randomly cry like I did when this first came out about 2 weeks ago. Insomnia is easing. Appetite is creeping back. I've honestly just tried to dig deep and listen to how I feel, not judge it, and each wave passes. Today I've decided to sign up to do an activity I've always wanted to try..I'm trying so hard to push myself into something new and fun, jusy for me. I dont feel like I'll ever truly be happy again, but I know that's not reality and everyday over the last few weeks has been different...overall its getting better. I think our minds do eventually let go and forget the hope for the life we'd planned. Its scary feeling alone. I've been doing a 10 minute meditation the past two mornings to get me some peace for the constant thinking. I've written down things I think and feel each day- it definitely lessens my thinking brain a bit. We might never make sense of it, but honestly each day is another day to learn. What things do you like doing, for you? Is there any hobbies you'd like to take up. Any places you've wanted to visit? Take care, show yourself compassion, feel your feelings and find ways to move everyday xx

roses321 · 30/08/2023 14:29

Hiya - yes I'm 4 months post breakup, horrible breakup, really loved him and still do but he's an abusive sob and is making my life as difficult as possible.

My post history will give you a good idea of my story so I won't go into it here. I went through tremendous pain but I always recommend Getting Past your Breakup with Susan Elliott because someone recommended it to me and it is awesome. Really makes you look at things in the cold light of day and examine the relationships ups and downs as well as looking forwards. Check it out it helped me.

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 14:40

@Hellosausag thank you j am starting to feel like I am becoming obsessed still upset after 7 months
@Forfucksake84 we were together 2 years as well, exactly the same I thought he was the one was so happy, was completely blindsided it's broken me

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 14:59

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 14:40

@Hellosausag thank you j am starting to feel like I am becoming obsessed still upset after 7 months
@Forfucksake84 we were together 2 years as well, exactly the same I thought he was the one was so happy, was completely blindsided it's broken me

Me too. I was completely blindsided and really not expecting it. We were planning to move in together. He always made me believe we had a future. Was always him talking about moving in etc. He bought me a commitment ring for Christmas. He then had some random panic attack overnight about seeing a future with my 2 children, and decided it wasn't what he wanted after all. I am devastated and heartbroken as he was everything I wanted in a partner and i felt our relationship was perfect. I just can't believe I will never see him again. I am also obsessed and can't stop checking his social media. I feel like I will never be happy again. Its awful

OP posts:
Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 15:00

roses321 · 30/08/2023 14:29

Hiya - yes I'm 4 months post breakup, horrible breakup, really loved him and still do but he's an abusive sob and is making my life as difficult as possible.

My post history will give you a good idea of my story so I won't go into it here. I went through tremendous pain but I always recommend Getting Past your Breakup with Susan Elliott because someone recommended it to me and it is awesome. Really makes you look at things in the cold light of day and examine the relationships ups and downs as well as looking forwards. Check it out it helped me.

Yes I am currently reading this, but at the moment nothing seems to help!

OP posts:
hopeformore · 30/08/2023 16:27

@Forfucksake84 yes I had the future faking too that's probably what hurts most.
I have stopped the social media now because his girlfriend tags him in their pictures and it's just to painful and I can't stop comparing myself to her
I have so much work to do on myself to be still feeling this way at least you are still early days. Honestly never again it's not worth it

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 20:21

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 16:27

@Forfucksake84 yes I had the future faking too that's probably what hurts most.
I have stopped the social media now because his girlfriend tags him in their pictures and it's just to painful and I can't stop comparing myself to her
I have so much work to do on myself to be still feeling this way at least you are still early days. Honestly never again it's not worth it

I know its so hard. Are you still in love with him? I felt so happy after I met him after my 10 year relationship with my kids dad because he was everything that was missing from my previous relationship. I just don't know how people can just walk out of your life so easily if they had feelings for you. It hurts like hell and really makes you lose your trust in men. What do you do to cope? I have never felt so low in my life.

OP posts:
hopeformore · 30/08/2023 20:37

@Forfucksake84 yes I still love him but he is in love with someone else now
I have been no contact the whole time but it's still not helped
I just put on a brave face now and cry it out when I am alone no one is interested anymore. Just pray for the day it doesn't hurt anymore. I have 2 children but they are almost adults and I also think this has hurt way more than my divorce

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 20:47

@Forfucksake84 also have had counselling which hasn't really helped & am on anti depressants, that hasn't either .. the only other thing maybe I am peri menopause I don't know but I have tried everything and still feel like crap I guess i need to work harder

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 20:50

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 20:37

@Forfucksake84 yes I still love him but he is in love with someone else now
I have been no contact the whole time but it's still not helped
I just put on a brave face now and cry it out when I am alone no one is interested anymore. Just pray for the day it doesn't hurt anymore. I have 2 children but they are almost adults and I also think this has hurt way more than my divorce

It's so tempting to reach out isn't it? I still have a ridiculous hope that one day he will change his mind and contact me, but I know deep down he won't. I've hit the booze big time the last few weeks but I know I can't continue like this. I also worry I will never meet someone else I love and get on with as much as him at my age *38. How old are you? It really helps to talk to people that are feeling the same as me...

OP posts:
hopeformore · 30/08/2023 21:01

@Forfucksake84 I couldn't reach out to him it would break me if he rejected me again and he seems pretty happy
I'm 45 I don't think I will ever find anyone who I was attracted to like him & who i got along with ... but at the end of the day he doesn't want me anymore
I don't think I could go through it again

Imthecaffeinequeen · 30/08/2023 21:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 21:07

@Imthecaffeinequeen so sorry to hear this.
I just don't understand how men can just detach and not look back.
I wish I had that skill

Bapbap45 · 30/08/2023 21:10

I'm feeling it, 3 days in.

18months relationship, my first post divorce and its been very emotional. From what I gather, the first post-divorce/separation break up is pretty tough.

It's fresh, we have though today agreed to give each other space after a bit of a tense evening of texts. We're both just so sad and hurt because we love each other but want different things in life.

So no fault, just sadness.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 21:13

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. How are you coping? My kids dad also left me for a younger woman. I have been dumped twice in the space of 2.5 years. It has done wonders for my self esteem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 21:15

hopeformore · 30/08/2023 21:07

@Imthecaffeinequeen so sorry to hear this.
I just don't understand how men can just detach and not look back.
I wish I had that skill

This is exactly what I can't ger my head round! I could never do that! Its like they never had feelings in the first place..

OP posts:
hopeformore · 30/08/2023 21:28

@Forfucksake84 yes after 2 years just replaced by someone else. He couldn't have cared I still can't replace him now

Imthecaffeinequeen · 30/08/2023 21:45

Forfucksake84 · 30/08/2023 21:13

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. How are you coping? My kids dad also left me for a younger woman. I have been dumped twice in the space of 2.5 years. It has done wonders for my self esteem.

Show quote history

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear about your situation also!
Honestly, not brilliantly have lost weight/problems sleeping and eating and its hard trying to maintain a balanced environment for the children. They have not seen me cry up until recently but have tried to turn it into a positive by saying its OK to feel and express your emotions.
The 'encounters' afterwards have not helped but I suppose then I think if he's doing that while with someone else now then what has he done while we were together?
Trying to strengthen my resolve now, I think that's all we can do and put one foot in front of the other, but it's certainly difficult as a previous poster said men seem to be able to detach so much easier.
Sending you strength and well wishes hopefully in time it gets easier for you 😊