Hello everyone, I'm (DH) reaching out for opinions on how I think I might have badly messed up.
For quick background, DW, 2 primary school age DC and myself recently moved house from overseas and settled into the UK. The last few years have been really extremely challenging with moving on so many fronts. The last 18 months has been fairly calming albeit still very challenging. DW works away for most of the year, as we settled DW was offered a role with much greater career opportunity than if she stayed local. Better pay, better prospects. Our moving was extremely expensive, but bills split between us together with roles is still very doable. The role is a few hours away, too far to commute so she stays away for most of the week, returning 1 day-ish per week and has generous holiday time. DW felt it very important she go for this role and I have been supportive, respectful of her decision and happily run things with DC at school, home, clubs and work full time as well. TBH, I love being a dad, I play and laugh alot with DC - its not just routine for me. I don't have time for anything else. We have not moved house to her job location yet, its one of our only options for settling, mainly becuase im worried of moving somewhere again (4 big moves in the last few years) based on a fairly new role. I'd like DC to have a bit of stability for a bit. We talk often about this and have agreed end of this year to make a decision on moving closer to her job.
I'll come to the issue where I have messed up. Between DW and I, we agreed that I could get away during summer holiday (DW has a long summer holiday) to claw back my work duties from not having the ability to get away during the year. During the year, I can barely get enough time to work, I work with the USA alot, but can't get away during the year for needing to be home most of the time and even when DW returns for a day-ish it doesnt allow me to get away to handle things or maintain work related relationships (clients and such). So we agreed I could get away for 20 days in summer, I can stack meetings back to back and handle all. I'd cover house bills and contribute to entertainment for the DC whilst DW ran the show. I understand holiday time is different to running term time and solidly empathise with the intense load. I don't undervalue the holiday time load and show solid appreciation. DW has generous holiday summer time and does not have to balance full time work but may do some admin catch up so I understand there's balance too. We also talked that this would be the only summer I'd do this, it wouldn't be easy for DW either, as in the coming here we'd agree to move to her job, or, something else that she wouldnt stay away.
Since being away (this summer, 20 days, as agreed), DW has expressed anger to me. "You left me to do everything", "you are useless", "im better of without you", "its too much on my own". F this, and F that. Very very angry about me not being there.
Have I messed up badly here? I'm here to get opinions on this so I can make amends. The voice in my head says "during the year I'll take care of DC for all the stuff, and I'll work, and I support DW to pursue whats important to her, and next year or at some point we'll nudge to a more regular setup - so me being away for 20 days in summer, in balance and when DW might want to make up for lost time a bit, and lost time to come, is probably ok?
If my perspective is screwed, and I've messed up, I'll make a big apology.