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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

post natel depression and no-one there for me, i am alone all weekend now

37 replies

newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:28

nobody seems to understand, following from my thread last night "i am having a panic attack right now" this morning my husband has gone to stay with his parents the other side of the country, just for the weekend, i couldnt bear another weekend with him and the ups and downs. i tried to tell my mum this morning and she has just gone to the hairdressers and gone shopping. i am alone with baby, he is fine, asleep at the moment, but i am so upset. my mum says i need to live my own life. i need to go out and get baby milk today and i am a mess, i am so exhausted, i cant think straight. i know i need to keep going, nobody seems to understand the life i am living, its as if i have had the baby and that is it, bck to usual, but its not. i dont think my mum sees me as a mother yet. i get ignored. please hep me.i will get through the weekend, i am so low i cant reach out for help.

OP posts:
AnAngelWithin · 01/03/2008 11:29

aww poor you. do you have any friends at all? whereabouts are you in the country?

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:30

north east, no,no-one i feel i can ring right now

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AnAngelWithin · 01/03/2008 11:32

ok. you need to break the day down into pieces. how old is your son? is he your first?

first of all, while he is asleep, you need to go and freshen up/shower and get dressed if you aren't already. Mek the most of him being asleep. When is his next feed due?

filthymindedvixen · 01/03/2008 11:34

newmmmy, your poor thing. it is blooming hard sometimes for everyone, let alone when you have PND.
When he wakes up, could you face going out for a little walk? To a coffee shop? It sounds like a cliche but fresh air and a little exercise are great for PND. How old is the baby?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 01/03/2008 11:35

Aww, don't panic! There will always be people here who will be happy to talk to you, you are NOT alone! It's hugely overwhelming having a new baby- I used to say it was like a bomb had gone off right in the middle of my life. While for my DH, who I envisioned as the building next door, he felt the blast, and suffered some slighht damage, but was otherwise unaffected!! But, believe it or not, you WILL manage! And you will feel justifiably proud of yourself when you do!

Pat yourself on the back for EVERY thing you acheive, no matter how small! I used to congratulate myself on keeping dd1 alive for another day!! If I got dressed, I was amazing, if I managed to make any breakfast I was doing SO well etc etc! Concentrate on what you HAVE managed to do each day, rather than what you haven't! Like the aftermath of a bomb, you will have to rebuild, and the building might not be exactly the same as before, and it will take time, brick by brick!! Unless you had problems in your marriage before the baby, I would try to keep lines of communication open with your husband. No, he DOESN'T understand what you are going through etc, and he NEVER WILL! Let it go, and concentrate on the support he CAN give rather than the understanding he can't. It WILL get better. We'll be here for you!

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:36

16 weeks today, i am up and ready and i have bathed him. yes he is my first, next feed probably around 3.i was ok, now i am just crying my eyes out, my eyes are swollen, my face red, you get the picture i think everyone has been there. i really dont want ot go out of the house, i'll go out tonight for the milk, he has enough for today, i have a banging headache. but at least i can cry, i couldnt cry when husband was here, so at least that is a release

OP posts:
Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:38

i am so confused about everything

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colditz · 01/03/2008 11:39

newmummy this gets better, I promise, I truly promise. YOU need a routine for YOU. It's sad your mum can't support you. You can do this though, and you will get better. Are you gettng any treatment for the PND? It is an illness, not a weakness.

AnAngelWithin · 01/03/2008 11:39

aww hun. i have been there. believe me i have. it wont be like this forever i promise. is there any way your hubby could come home a day earlier to help you. does he know how bad you are feeling?

just do little things, but more importantly, REST! you sound tired. brave the outdoors just for a short walk to the end of the road and back if you can. baby steps.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 01/03/2008 11:40

What did you do before you had your baby? Did you work?

colditz · 01/03/2008 11:41

What are you confused about?

Checklist
Is baby fed?
Is baby clean (ish)?
Does baby have a non pooey nappy on when you put him down to sleep?

yes?

Then HE IS FINE.

YOu need to get yourself into a state in which you feel comfortale to see p[eople - so, bra on, clothes on, brush hair etc. have something nice to eat too.

It's hard, I have total empathy.

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:42

i am taking medication, but it isnt helping. i cant be around husband as he is just triggering panic attacks and reacting exactly how you shouldnt when someone feels the way i do. i am just going to rest, to be hnest i think if i walked out the dorr i would pass out, and i m not just saying thaat i mean it

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somersetmum · 01/03/2008 11:43

If he is very young and your first, then you should just be taking it as easy as you can. REST as much as you can, whenever he's sleeping, no matter what time it is. Don't worry about housework or anything else. Could you ask a friend to pick the baby milk up for you? Or, if the shop is in walking distance, put baby in pram and walk for it. Its a glorious sunny (but windy!) day here today. If you've got similar weather, you'll feel so much better for getting out. And while you're at the shop, but yourself a few treats - some choccie, your favourite biccies or some sweeties. You need to keep your energy up and you need to give yourself little treats. Its very lonely being on your own with a tiny baby, especially your first as you do not realise how much your life will change.
I think people who react like your mum, leaving you to it, have been there themselves and don't want to get involved. I could so easily have written your post ten years ago. Things will change, and quickly. Your ds is going to bring you so much love you will not believe So, live for today. Take it easy. Get through it. Try and get out as much as possible and don't be afraid to ask for help.
I can't really comment on your relationship probs, but imagine that this only makes the whole situation worse. Talk to your dp. He's probably feeling lost, similarly to you. You need to communicate and work together. Good luck and come back and post again. We're all here for you.

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:44

yes checklist for baby all done and i know he is fine, he is sleeping right now. i will just calm down, i'll be fine. thanks.

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colditz · 01/03/2008 11:44

Which mediation and for how long? It can take a few weeks to kick in, say 4, but if you have already been on it this long, you need to go back and see the health visitor.

How is your husband triggering panic attacks? Is he mean, or demanding, or winding you up about the baby? Or just one of those things and you don't know why?

Can your mum drop some baby milk over to you while she is in towbn?

AnAngelWithin · 01/03/2008 11:44

maybe you need a change in meds? go back to your doctors. i have been where you are. i used to pass out in the street with panic attacks. its so hard. have you had any therapy for them or are they a recent thing? why cant you be near your husband? were things ok between you before baby arrived? sorry i didnt read your thread last night.

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:49

thanks somersetmum, i know you are right, but my mind is so clouded i cannot see the future at the moment. my husband is SOO stressed, i cope with things much better than him, but i cant deal with his stress right now, i just cant, i need to try to keep as together as i an to function. he is 38 and crying his eyes out, it doesnt help he has no-one to talk to, hopefully his mum and dad will help him

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Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:52

sertralene, low dose 50mg for 12 weeks now.. he is stressing me by the way he reacts to things, so now i keep everything in, but just the thought of him coming home from work is triggering an attck as it has been going on for so long

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Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:54

i am going be alone for my first mother day

OP posts:
posieflump · 01/03/2008 11:55

why don't you ring him and ask him to come back?
or can't you organise to see your mother on mother's day if he is seeing his?

posieflump · 01/03/2008 11:55

you could bite the bullet and take your mother out for lunch tomorrow - maybe tell her abit of how you feel

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:57

i dont want to see him or my own mother as they both make things worse. i dont want him to come back

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Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 11:58

i am sorry this sounds terrible.

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colditz · 01/03/2008 12:02

No of course it doesn't sound terrible, it's terrible that you are not getting the support youneed at a really hard time of life.

Do you have any brothers or sisters you could confide in? Does your husband have a sister you could confide in?

Does your HV know how rotten you feel?

And finally, where are you in the country?

Original poster
newmummy27 · 01/03/2008 12:06

my brother lives abroad, my mum and dad are divorced, both work full time and have partners, i cant talk to my mum, i can talk to my dad but he panics. no my husband has a brother and i dont feel i can talk to his family about something so personal. my hv knows i have had a history of depression.i am in the north east

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