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Original poster

What am i entitled to? DP cheated.

114 replies

Solitaryasanoyster · 25/08/2023 21:20

Not married, 4 kids (young), some shared equity in the house.
If I leave, and I work 16 hours, do I get universal credit even if I have equity upon selling? Would this prevent me getting a council property?

thank you

OP posts:
Sunflowergirl1 · 26/08/2023 08:18

Solitaryasanoyster · 26/08/2023 08:04

I deliberately didn’t marry him as he has lots of debt, I don’t.
The equity in the home is mine and not his. (Legally protected).
I have a decent pension, he doesn’t.
I had my head screwed on enough NOT to marry.

Well done for not marrying a financial idiot. At least he hasn't ripped you off for the little you have like many have

Don't believe the other stupid comment about spousal support below. Not relevant anyway as not married but that is for the rich, and even then judges don't like such awards if they can be avoided

GilbertMarkham · 26/08/2023 08:19

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 26/08/2023 01:03

Don't forget if you have your DC for more than 50% of the time you will also get child maintenance from your ex.

And that is calculated in overnights, nothing matters except overnights.

Original poster
Solitaryasanoyster · 26/08/2023 08:20

He didn’t have debts when he met.
I only found out about them recently.

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 26/08/2023 08:21

If you qualify for any UC, you get 85% of childcare paid for the hours you work, capped (cap used to be £1600 pm, I think).

SmileyClare · 26/08/2023 08:21

Mumsnet is great for emotional support but for financial advice and navigating the benefits system, contact the Citizens Advice Bureau and put your details into an online benefit calculator.

You will be eligible for some state assistance.

GilbertMarkham · 26/08/2023 08:24

I would maybe ask for a cab appointment and go through the options with them. They are good on benefits etc.

GilbertMarkham · 26/08/2023 08:26

Cross posted

Monkeylimas · 26/08/2023 08:28

Some lenders will use child maintenance and child benefit and UC.

Do you have any family support? Any family that could help with child care? Maybe someone who works a weekend or evenings or a nurse who works nights and you could help them out in return? It’s not ideal but it may be a way to increase your hours easily.

I would run the calculators on a full time basis and check with a mortgage broker how much you need to earn to buy him out. If you change industry how would that work - could you earn more?

None is ideal but I totally appreciate the house is your primary concern. Also do you have enough equity to buy a 25% shared ownership outright?

Monkeylimas · 26/08/2023 08:31

And brace yourself for Mr Cheaty Debty liar to start going through the motions once he realises he is disposable. Begging, crying, anger, suicide, name calling (gold digger of course) - I always see Gold Digger as the prize name followed by Heartless Bitch.

I hope you have real life support.

Epidote · 26/08/2023 08:35

I don't know what are you entitled to but if you look in the benefits web with that name and also go the the citizens advice bureau they will give you the advice and the links.
So far regarding UC I think they are not called like that anymore they got another name and they as some posters had told had been reduced since 2017.

You kids may have free meals a school, some free childcare hours, maintenance for his father which depends on his father salary.

If you got much equity is definitely not a waste, if you got little less that 16.000 thousand won't interfere much in your claiming, the limbo is if let's say you got around 20.000 that's pretty crap. But you can buy a car to allow you to go to work of if you don't have one. Also you will need to buy furniture etc so it definitely looks like a waste use that in rent.

I would try to live in the house for as long as needed before moving away. Can he move? That will be the easy option for the kids. As they got their school etc etc.

Epidote · 26/08/2023 08:45

Forgot to say, four kids is a lot so probably you can explore as someone had said before to stay legally in the house till they are bigger.
Small steps for free yourself and them from that environment. May be an option once you know more or less everything to get a interest only mortgage. That will reduce the payments sort term and give you some time. It is far for great but it is good to know as many options you can have.

I wouldn't rely on council housing now because I think they are very scarce.

Best thing is start to check with the citizens advice.

sashh · 26/08/2023 08:54

TheAverageJoanne · 26/08/2023 08:17

I thought a woman I know was joking when she said that when her parents divorced her mum got 5p a week from her father for her and her brother when they were kids in the 90s.

Show quote history

It's because it is much easier to increase the amount at a later date than to make a knew claim. So if the ex wins the lottery or inherits a suvstantial amount you can ask for an increase.

OP why are you the one looking to leave? Surely you need a house more than your seeon to be ex.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/08/2023 08:56

some shared equity in the house.

The equity in the home is mine and not his.

I don’t quite understand-are both of these things correct? Does he have any equity in the house?

Some people upthread are suggesting he pays half the mortgage or all the mortgage until the kids are older and you can go full time but I can’t see him being expected to do that. What does he earn-the court will still expect him to be able to house himself as well.

You talk about leaving and working 16 hours-is that what you do now or do you not currently work? What’s your salary like-would it cover childcare?

SmileyClare · 26/08/2023 08:59

Op why are you the one looking to leave?

Shes not? If I’ve read correctly, op’s partner has no equity in her house. She’s presumably asking him to leave but cannot afford the mortgage on her own so will sell up.

SmileyClare · 26/08/2023 09:10

Although this all a huge upheaval and financially setting you back, through your own efforts to be financially independent you’re now in a position where you do have options.
You can stay in your home while it’s being sold and can then afford to rent a home and provide for your dc.
Proceeds from a house sale are not necessarily regarded as “savings” in the eyes of UC. As already suggested contact CAB to navigate the system. You can speak with an advisor on line.

Any mother with dc leaving with no equity behind them would not be immediately given a council house- that takes years- often placed in dire emergency accommodation miles away.
Its very fortunate you are not in that position.

You must feel devastated and completely daunted, but you will get through this and make a new life. I hope you have a good network of friends and family supporting you through this x

HawnyThorn · 26/08/2023 09:11

I don't want to worry you when you're down but have you checked council housing eligibility where you live?

In many cities, you can't even get on the extremely long list unless you're receiving disability benefits, over 50, a care leaver or a refugee.

SmileyClare · 26/08/2023 09:21

HawnyThorn · 26/08/2023 09:11

I don't want to worry you when you're down but have you checked council housing eligibility where you live?

In many cities, you can't even get on the extremely long list unless you're receiving disability benefits, over 50, a care leaver or a refugee.

Quite. Getting into the mindset where you think all your hard work and sensible financial choices has left you worse off because “if you had no assets the state would provide you with a house” is simply not true.

Westminster council for example have a high criteria for even qualifying to go a housing waiting list. The wait is on average 10 years on their lists.

TheAverageJoanne · 26/08/2023 09:25

Solitaryasanoyster · 26/08/2023 08:20

He didn’t have debts when he met.
I only found out about them recently.

Oh God so he's done it all behind your back. What a prince

frozencarlotta · 26/08/2023 09:28

FreshStart12345 · 25/08/2023 22:09

How regretful is your dp? How is your acting?
Tbh, you are better off dragging him down the aisle, stay married for a year then kick him out because you just can't forgive him. Then you can probably keep the family home and he has to pay spousal maintenance.

spousal maintenance

Unlikely unless dh earns a lot

PosterBoy · 26/08/2023 09:36

SmileyClare · 26/08/2023 09:21

Quite. Getting into the mindset where you think all your hard work and sensible financial choices has left you worse off because “if you had no assets the state would provide you with a house” is simply not true.

Westminster council for example have a high criteria for even qualifying to go a housing waiting list. The wait is on average 10 years on their lists.

Show quote history

It is true.

The state pays your rent. That is 'providing you with a house'. It's not a council house so state money is siphoned off to the private sector, but from ops point of view her rent would be paid if she didn't have savings.

As is, she will end up spending her savings (the house equity) on rent then the state will step in and pay her rent but she won't be able to get out of that dependency because her deposit money has been spent.

SmileyClare · 26/08/2023 09:44

Posterboy I see your point. I agree many are caught in the poverty trap you describe.

On a positive note, op will have funds to secure a private rental.
Landlords willing to accept new tenants on housing benefit ( from the off ) are like hen’s teeth.
However an existing tenant later claiming UC to cover part or all of their rent cannot be evicted on those grounds.
Op has an “in” at least.

caringcarer · 26/08/2023 10:00

Solitaryasanoyster · 26/08/2023 08:04

I deliberately didn’t marry him as he has lots of debt, I don’t.
The equity in the home is mine and not his. (Legally protected).
I have a decent pension, he doesn’t.
I had my head screwed on enough NOT to marry.

Can you just ask him to move out? If you did go back to work more hours, I think you'd get help towards nursery fees. You'd probably also get a UC top-up which you could put towards paying the mortgage and unless your cheating rat of a partner has DC 50/50 he'd have to pay you child maintenance. If you talk to your mortgage company and you DC is almost 3 they should get some subsidised hours soon, so they might let you go interest only for 6 months. Once kids are all in school you could go full time. I hope you can sort it out.

HawnyThorn · 26/08/2023 10:04

PosterBoy · 26/08/2023 09:36

It is true.

The state pays your rent. That is 'providing you with a house'. It's not a council house so state money is siphoned off to the private sector, but from ops point of view her rent would be paid if she didn't have savings.

As is, she will end up spending her savings (the house equity) on rent then the state will step in and pay her rent but she won't be able to get out of that dependency because her deposit money has been spent.

Show quote history

There's still a huge difference between someone having the security and protection of a council property and having to rent from a private landlord even if the state is paying for it.

The point made was even if OP had no savings, she very likely would not be eligible for council housing.

ringsaglitter · 26/08/2023 10:12

@SisterMichaelsHabit

The other 3 children are under 6 you idiot

She has 4 children

Hmindr68 · 26/08/2023 10:12

If the equity is yours, not his, why do you have to buy him out?