Never Have I Ever... had to ask for advice like this!

[caramelcupcake1]

Hi all :) hoping you can help with this!

Soo in a drunken game of Never Have I Ever with my bf (been with him for 1.5 years, we don't live together), a question came up "never have I ever dated anyone famous" which I didn't drink to and he did. Naturally, I asked who this famous person was and realised pretty soon that it would have been an influencer (he seems to follow quite a few on Instagram), to which he replied yes she's in a girl band etc.. so I got curious and asked more questions, to which he responded nonchalantly "she was hot" and "it was 5 years ago, we made out and that's it, nothing really happened" - whatever, we all have a past. But then naturally I wanted to know who this woman was so I checked her out on Instagram and she was honestly the most stunning girl I have ever actually seen like woah.. In that moment I felt my self-esteem just droppp.😐

It's worth mentioning that towards the end of that convo I did feel the need to say that I do feel a bit insecure sometimes and to be honest he wasn't getting it, kept asking me "why". But he did mention that he thinks I'm prettier etc (we've had convos about him following/liking influencer/celeb photos before and he was cool about it).

Now to add to that, I noticed he was still following this girl and he even liked a few of her recent photos over the last 4 months? And none before May this year.. this was checked on the same night we had our date/the drinking game. What was even more interesting was that the next morning I checked again (because I just self-sabotage like crazy) and he had gone in and unliked those few photos. Of course he knew I was going to check her out - perhaps he took into account what I said about the insecurities and didn't want me to feel bad so that part doesn't really annoy me, what annoys me is the fact he liked the photos in the first place and still follows her?

It's the mentality thing I don't get. Why not just unfollow if he's going to unlike the photos lol?

I've been told I'm beautiful by him and my friends etc before so it's not like I'm not necessarily "attractive", however the fact that he still follows her and liked some of her stuff just makes my stomach churn.

He's not given me any reason to believe anything would be going on and I trust him generally, but I guess it has put a real downer on my self-esteem and made me feel pretty uncomfortable - can't really understand why he would still need to follow her?

Any insight you can provide on this would be most helpful as I just feel like I don't know how to process this lol.

Thank you!!💛

I think the best advice I can give is to just not play any games like that, you just know its going to end badly...

He's shot himself in the foot hasn't he ?

Yeah doesn't make any sense to me!!😶

You are over thinking and over reacting.
It was just a game and he is with you.

The fact that he is an idiot though doesn't bode well.

You said it yourself, you're self-sabotaging. I don't think he's done anything wrong. He's with you not her. He's even done some "unliking" to try to appease your jealousy.
You'd be happier if you didn't do this.

Does she follow him? Like his stuff? Is he telling the truth about it? Or was he inventing something to make him look good and feed on your insecurities.

Thanks so much for your insight, I have to say that is definitely true!!

Thanks so much for your insights!! No she doesn't follow him back... to be honest I doubt that's the case, he just doesn't understand that I could even feel insecure🤔

He's an idiot and he sounds immature too. Following influencers. Just grow up.

Is this a name change? Are you the OP?

Yes I'm the OP - changed my name from caramelcupcake1 to try it out! Sorry for the confusion haha

I thought it wasn't possible to namechnge on your own thread anymore!

The fact he pre emptied you going off on one and unliking her photos says you probably shouldn't play these games at all.

Putting so much of your self esteem on looks will never give you peace. Let it go.

Let it go, there will always be someone prettier, skinnier, younger etc, there’s no point getting wound up about it. He isn’t with her, he’s with you.

You are way overthinking this ABCUPCAKE!
Don't you follow people too for fun??
Is there anything morally wrong with following people on Insta?
Or are you a bit controlling or just paranoid ?
Give your bf some space and forget it.

There's always always always going to be someone prettier than you or smarter than you or sexier than you or funnier than you or something. (Being funny or smart or nice as more longevity than appearance 'tho).

When it comes to unfounded insecurity, you've just got to find it in yourself to believe your partner if they tell it's you they want. (Obviously if it's based on them being a big old cheat or wandering eye guy, then it's not unfounded.)

And it's a bad idea to be checking up and policing your bf's behaviour, it'll drive you bonkers and feed your jealousy.

If you trust him, make an effort to stop those behaviours.
If you don't trust him, break up with him.

It was your sentence about him responding nonchalantly "she was hot" that got me all suspicious.
I don't believe he's ever met her.

He's entirely pulling your leg and he immediately had you asking him all about it, "so I got curious and asked more questions," whilst he nonchalantly convinced you that even the hottest of hot girls fall for him. So you are lucky to be with him. I think that says a lot more about his insecurity than yours.
All the messing about with the liking and unliking the posts. He knew you'd look and this is to add to your confusion and (hopefully on his part) trying to get you to ask for further updates as he had so much fun pulling your leg the first time.

It's quite a teenage thing to do if true. but perhaps this is just a one off.

I suspect this was just a fantasy to make him seem "in demand".
However, you know him in RL. Was the backstory convincing? Is he genuinely truthful, or not adverse to being a little boastful perhaps?

That actually makes sense if it’s BS- he then had to quickly pick someone he’s following.

@gamerchick I was surprised too re name but it gave me the option to change it so why not haha!

@category12 I agree I think it's important to try to stop this overthinking!

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff in the heat of the game I was probing him to answer my Qs so maybe he felt under pressure and I knew he probably wouldn't give me details unless I asked which is why I did ask lol! But him answering the Qs was in a nonchalant way (he is very laid-back anyway). Also this girl wasn't really famous 5 years ago lol and she's still not exactly 'famous' - just better known because she joined a girl band over the last few yrs
I mean it sounded legit to me and he's a truthful guy.. didn't really think of it as a joke at the time but there wasn't really much of a backstory lol just little details I managed to get haha
Knowing him he isn't exactlyy insecure (maybe a little with certain things) but I can see how that would come across!
The fantasy thing is interesting - he likes and follows influencers/celebs a lot, and so it could very well be that.
I just had a thought that I've made it clear with him I've previously messed around with guys that I found attractive and maybe he felt this was the perfect opportunity to say this back and casually 'boast' about it like "yeah no big deal I've kinda done that too, anddd with someone who is now 'famous'" lol when the Qs were asked?

Completely overreacting, tbh if this was a gut I was dating getting all bent out of shape about someone I was with 5 years ago I'd consider it a massive red flag.

Spot on! Stupid games like this is asking for trouble!

They never end well!

He has done absolutely nothing wrong and you should get over it. That kind of insecurity can be seen as quite dull and draining to have to deal with. I can't be doing with jealous people, life is too short and what's past is past. It's quite immature and pointless. Stop stalking his SM, it's not an attractive trait.

What insecure person names themself a beauty?? You both seem quite immature

he just doesn't understand that I could even feel insecure

Do you really mean he doesn’t understand or do you mean he isn’t taking some responsibility for your insecurity? By interrogating him and online stalking his online activities you were feeding your own insecurities, that’s on you. If his past makes you feel jealous then don’t ask.

I don't understand why you're gauging his past love interests by their physical beauty, it's very shallow and misguided. I have no idea who the hottest person I have dated would be. I know which of my exes I was madly into and which were just ok, and it was nothing to do with what anyone else would think. It would be really weird to me if my DP started being jealous about one for how he looked. Surely it's the strength of his feelings for her which (if anything) might make you feel threatened. And in this case it sounds like no feelings.