Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not been on for a while but REALLY need some advice folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

34 replies

Toothache · 29/02/2008 20:46

Hiya MN,

Been having a tough time at work recently with a colleague who has been telling lies about me.... saying I surf all day.... complaining about my behaviours... spreading gossip about me etc. She's staff and I'm a Contractor so she has the upper hand in that one!

Anyway... I've officially complained about her over the last couple of months , but keep being told about things she's saying about me. It's playground stuff honestly! I'm extrovert and LOUD! been there over 2 years and it's not been a problem until she's started spouting off to senior management. No matter how much people know it's her bitchin, it's still damaging. Mud sticks and all that.

Anyway.... my friend at work announced today that she was having an affair with a guy at work whose partner works here too.

I knew they had been flirting for months viw email and had had a cheeky snog at xmas, but that was it. Anyway she confessed all to me this morning, right before she got a text from him saying she knew everything and was on her way to find her and make a scene......which she did. she came to my friends desk right next to me and just simply hissed.... "I know about you both"

Anyway... said bitchy colleague then went on to tell everyone what had happend and said I'd told everyone!!! eh??????? I didn't KNOW!

When I left my desk to make yet another complaint about her she then told my friend to watch her back from me as I was off to tell everyone. And that she should watch what she tells me.

WTF????

I ended up crying today to my line manager who totally knows my side. However to complain to my manager I had to tell him what happened (by this point it was out anyway).

BIG drama....loads of meetings with friend, bloke and partners managers..... Turns out that our departmental director knew about half an hour after it all kicked off... and commented on the fact that I had been stirring it all.

it could ONLY be the bitchy colleagues doing.

HELP.... what do I do??????

I've worked there for years, have loads of friends who are behind me , but this person is slating me and damaging my reputation big time! And trying to ruin my friendships.....

Don't know what I'm asking, but MY GOD it's pissing me off!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 20:53

on reading that muddled message... it doesn't make sense... but hope you all get the jist.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/02/2008 20:55

Rise above, Toothy! Rise above her BS and pay it no mind at all whatsoever. Her true colours are out.

Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 21:07

You are SO right Expat! And I've been trying for weeks now. But it's wearying.... I feel like she's winning. My Senior manager has had words already with her and I've done nothing wrong apart from be myself.

My behaviours are not totally PC, I have a laugh, I have banter, as far as I know nobody has ever been offended and we all have a good laugh at work. It's been commented on just how approachable our department is and how much people would love to work in our team. We still deliver and exceed our expectations, including me. Until she arrived and now suddenly every joke I have is an issue, every swear word is an issue, every funny email (of which SHE sends most of!) is an issue. I know that everyone knows what she's like...... EXCEPT the director who is now thinking I'm a stirrer. My friend told me as a friend.... I told only one person and I told my friend I was going and she was fine with that.

I am really struggling with not ripping her hair from her head!!!!!!! I'm not the type to grin and bear it.

Anyway... apart from all this peeeeesh, how are you Expat????

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 29/02/2008 21:12

Hello toothy I agree rise above but if the opportunity presents itself dont forget to sharpen your knife!

How are you?

Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 21:13

Thanks GF!

I'm fine, how are you? I'm STILL not divorced, but ex and I are very civil these days. And his gf too. All very civilised even though he's just had a survey done on MY house.

It'll be 2 YEARS in june since the incident! How time flies!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 21:14

sharpening knife

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 29/02/2008 21:19

Glad things are good and he is civil.

Mine is the same old tosser! Time is a great healer though and now he doesnt bother me as much and his threats fall on deaf ears. Blimey two years!

Aimsmum · 29/02/2008 21:20

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 21:23

Thats good news.... complete indifference to them really pissed them off.

Mine is still only taking the kids one night a week when he feels like. Says the petrol cost is too much. Tried to explain that it's not the kids fault he chose to live 20 miles away but hey ho!!!

No more fear of him though which was a big factor for me as you know.... and you too. I hope you don't feel intimidated by him. He is, afterall..... a certified twat. .

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 21:24

Aimsmum!! How are you???????
I was flagging with the rising today..... need MN to keep me rising and not going at her eye sockets with a teaspoon.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 29/02/2008 21:27

Lol toothy! They both were to be fair! We chose well there then!

I have three amazing children though and they are enough for anyone.
My X only sees my youngest now and she is working with social services because of his violent behaviour towards her. After a two year fight he got every other sunday for 9 hours with them and only if they wanted! I must say I could do with the respite though it would be great to get on well and have someone I could hand them over to.

This woman sounds a right cow though and honestly I do believe vengeance is a dish best eaten cold and if you get on well people will see her for what she is eventually. Of course keep the knife at the ready though for when they do.

Tortington · 29/02/2008 21:31

kick her in the fanjo
welcome back

Aimsmum · 29/02/2008 21:39

Message withdrawn

WallOfSilence · 29/02/2008 21:43

What a tramp.

Tell everyone she smells.

Actually I'd be inclined to get her in the toilets at break time & pull her hair until she cries.

The Bitch.

Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 21:57

GF - can totally understand the battle of conscience between having time to yourself and not letting your kids be exposed to the wanker! My friend is going through the same with social services! YOu sound like you're doing MUCH better than the last time we spoke. Me too.

Custy - lovin it! straight to point. x

Aimsmum - lucky beeeatch! Your Ex will always be a baaaaaaaaaw baaaaaag. x

In fact they are all BAAW BAAAAAGS! (my fave glasgwefian adopted word of the week)

good to be back.

settles into comfy MN arm chair.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 29/02/2008 22:02

Message withdrawn

fishie · 29/02/2008 22:04

so she hates you and is in a position to make trouble with no comeback on her. you can stay, put up with it or you can take your talents elsewhere. (sorry because i don't know you or want to be rude but) what do you think your employers will prefer?

CantSleepWontSleep · 29/02/2008 22:04

Welcome back .

There are hundreds of people who can vouch for the fact that you don't spend your days surfing, else you'd have been on here more!!!

Miaou · 29/02/2008 22:16

Yo toothy, I was thinking about you only yesterday, how weird. No advice on the bitch front, me I'd just cry in a corner - but nice to see you here nevertheless!

(and bloody hell, is it really two years???? My god!!)

Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 22:40

LOL so true... I did get my internet access taken off me a year ago coz of MN!!!

fishie - you are SO right! thank you.

Aimsmum - when is the next weegie MN meet up?

Miaou - I STILL can't type your name without referring back to your posting name. SORT IT OUT!
you're on the mainland now right?

Cantsleepwontsleep - who ARE you in my old skool days???????????????

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 22:44

Fishie - to answer your question, we are both good at our jobs. Which is why I can't understand this vendetta.... we do different jobs too so I shouldn't be a threat! Our mutual bosses know what she iss like, she's been pulled up twice already with different people. But I really didn't think she'd see me as a threat........ or be brave enough. I'm vocal, about everything. She must have realised I wouldn't let it lie.

I hope she lives to regret this. But if the worst comes to the worst....I move on to another contract...

and have her killed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 29/02/2008 22:44

for legal purposes... that was a joke!!

OP posts:
Miaou · 29/02/2008 22:51

lol toothache - I know, loads of people have trouble with my name but it goes back to my childhood

Yep, on mainland now, been off the island now for almost as long as we were on it

beaniesteve · 01/03/2008 00:19

Have you ever considered that your not totally pc behaviour and your larger than life personality might actually make life difficult for other people in the office?

I'm not trying to be rude but you seem to think that you are a game for a laugh fun kind of person, but not everyone in a working atmosphere appreciates someone who is loud and and extrovert.

Do you surf the net a lot? Do you come on here for example? Is your web use stopping you from really doing your job properly?

I'm not sure why you even brought your friend into the discussion (the one who is having an affair with another persons partner) because it seems irrelevant to the issue your co worker has with you.

Would you really take the advice from people here who tell you to tell people that your co-worker smells? Surely that is not an appropriate way to behave in an office environment?

Seriously, maybe you do need to look at your own behaviour before you accuse other people of picking on you.

sorry if this sounds harsh but nothing you have posted up there leads me to believe that you are completely innocent and victimised.

Itchinbawsack · 01/03/2008 09:37

beaniesteve - Many thanks for your brutal honesty, however I'm bloody good at my job.... always deliver.... don't surf anymore than the next person.

If my personality is not liked by people in the office, then to be honest I don't care! Its my personality. I'm a professional IT Consultant and have never had anyone complain about me before ever. Colleague is just simply a bitch and has tried this with 2 other people in the office.

The story about my friend WAS relevent if you'd read my post.... as bitch is spreading rumours that I have been stirring things and telling everyone about the affair. Which I haven't. It's upset my friend and upset me.