Split from husband and getting threats from another man

[Reds2004]

So earlier in the year, me and my husband hit a point which I felt we couldn't return from. We've got 3 kids, it can be stressful at times and we've neglected each other for the last few years. We decided to separate which was mainly my choice. We have continued living together while we sell the house. During this time I have met another man several times. I kept this from my husband as I didn't want to cause any unnecessary hurt especially still living together and having the kids amongst any more stress. A couple of months ago I decided to cool things off with this other man. I realised I just needed time to concentrate on my kids and sort my head out. This didn't go down very well at all. He's constantly said he should tell my husband the truth of what's been going on etc, and it's recently become even worse, so I have told my husband everything. The other guy doesn't believe me so has messaged him and says he also sending him a letter in the post. I have blocked him on all social media, but my husband can't help but check his face book. He's saying things like he's got videos he is happy to share of women etc it's really making me ill. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. Before any negative comments I know I should have probably been straight with my husband, but I care about him and lovw him still I just didn't want to hurt him

I would report him to the police he sounds deranged

I did think that but wasn't sure of the police would be interested

Get the police involved, but don't tell him so that he does not delete any footage then police can catch him, this is just in case he is about to either threaten to upload images again/ footage or goes ahead and uploads footage that is private.

All this is illegal by the way.

He could have set up a hidden camera and mic, anything is possible.

He could be motivated by revenge towards you for seperating from him.

He's said on Facebook that his camera he has set up in his room has finally come in handy... not sure how true this is. Thank you so much for the advice. I think I will go to the police

Is your exh on side with you as you live under the same roof? Hoping he is, because as at least you will have an ally.
Can you talk irl about this to anyone?
Getting advice from the police is excellent, make you sure you screen shot, make note of everything and otherwise ignore him.

He's on side, upset but isn't happy with how this guy is behaving at all. I have some screen shots of messages but because I've blocked him I can't get all the messages. It just terrifies me I've spoken to my sister she's been very supportive x

Absolutely report this to Police. Any suggestion he has footage of you (sexual in nature) and that he might share it with intent to cause distress is taken seriously now. This man's behaviour is concerning and it's possible he has history of it/known to police already. You've nothing to lose by reporting it.

Absolutely go to the police. What he us doing is illegal. And very scary. Needs police involvement.

Moving forwards, before dating again (and continually throughout life tbh) read up on red flags to spot when dating. As it seems you didn't notice any until after the split but it's likely there would have been red flags with this sort of person.

Definitely police.

Thank you everyone

Unblock at a time when he’s unlikely to be online, screenshot what you need and then block again.

Screenshot from your husbands account if you can, and go to the police.

No matter what happened, you don’t deserve this.

Just so you know, if you unblock on Facebook you can’t block them again for 48 hours so use another account if possible.

A friend was in a similar situation and the Police took it seriously as harassment amongst other things. Keep trying with this xx

Thank you

Yes I thought the same about the 48 hours thing xx

Report the cunt
this is illegal

im so sorry ! That your post divorce fling turned to this
and when calmer note the red flags

im so sorry x

I was in a similar situation but not as bad.

I phoned 101 and they were great.

They told me I must tell him in writing (text message) in no uncertain terms, to stop as it was harassment etc.

They said to let them know if it didn’t stop and they would arrange for some officers to go round and give him a warning.

It did the trick, and I never heard anything again from him, and I think the key to it was because in my message I said, ‘the police have advised me etc as above…’.

He was quite senior in education and had a very good reputation, and I definitely think mentioning that the police had advised me etc., scared the pants off him.

*that the police advised me that if he continued, they would be paying him a visit etc

Good riddance to these unbalanced people

Absolutely phone 101 and get this on record just in case it escalates then send him a final message to say to leave you alone or your contacting the police.
Im so sorry that you’ve met some one like this

He's sick and he's escalating. Go straight to the police.

Never a good idea to date while living under the same roof as an ex. Not from a morral standpoint, but because anyone who would date someone with such living circumstances, is a person highly likely to have issues as nobody in their right mind would entertain it. This man is proof of that. I get the ego boost makes it appealing though, so mistakes happen.
Hopefully he's spouting BS empty threats. A covert camera, I can't imagine would pick up the best footage - lighting and angles and all that.
Police is the way to go, he's hanging himself by announcing it in public.

Just to say, you haven’t done anything wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. Other man however…

@Reds2004 sorry to read this.

When I split with my exh I also didn't want to hurt him, so kept quiet about the man I started dating.
He was a giant red flag from over 20 years age gap and generally just very stalkerish/love bomb/lying/typical narc type.

Anyway, I didn't go the police because he was my manager and I was scared, but he did similar stuff to what this guy is saying to you. (I don't want to merail but if you'd like to know what he did please let me know) Anyway he never told my exH and left me alone in the end because he was from a nice "well to do" family and mine are for lack of better description, hooligans, so I just said if it carries on my dad will be visiting your dad, kind of thing.

That was enough to deter him and ironically I'd not spoken to my dad for many years, he just had quite a reputation and it wouldn't have been wise to continue harassing his daughter.

The guy went on a did it to another colleague almost a week after I got freedom from his bullshit.

He messaged me about 2 years later on Facebook like we were BFFs and I told him if he contacted me again I'd go the police, never heard anything since.

I wish though I'd gone the police because what he did to my old colleague was actually far worse than what he did to me.

Police. Police. Police.

Also your exH sounds like a good guy, even if its not a marriage anymore, I am happy he's supportive.

And this other dude I can't say enough... police.

Take care and please update this thread, I don't think I speak alone when I say your safety is very cared about.

I recently had different, but similar. I reported on line. Was called the next day and interviewed by police and he was spoken to the same day. When they write stuff down they’d implicated themselves.