Seriously fed up with everything

[Summerpai]

Sat on my bed crying, just had a big row with DP. We have a 7 year old and a 3 year old with suspected severe ASD. I’m a sahm. I’m finding life really tough at the moment I won’t lie. Apologises if this is long.

I’ll admit that the house isn’t always spotless, it can certainly be messy at times but never dirty. I truly do my best. He works full time and I’m the first to say how hard working he is, I never ask him to help with the house work. He plays football, he trains twice a week after work then all day Saturday. I feel like this may be relevant to stress how alone I feel. I have no issue with the hobby by the way, I just feel like everything is always on me. I’m probably rambling now but I’m just typing everything that comes into my head.

Anyway, he gets home from work today and starts having a go about the pots I haven’t washed yet. I said to him I was waiting for him to get home so he can watch DS2 because he can’t be left alone for 2 minutes without him breaking something in the living room or taking his nappy off and weeing/pooing on the floor. He has also dropped his naps now so I don’t have extra time like I used to when he was asleep. Well, he erupts then. Starts shouting at me, saying I’m a scruffy bastard, I’m lazy and that I’m a shit mum.

I’m just so hurt and angry right now I just feel like going out and never coming back

I don't condone any of his behaviour and he is being a prick.

But if we are going for benefit of the doubt, do you think he has accepted DS2's condition or is his behaviour a reaction to trying to pretend it isn't happening?

That of course still doesn't give him the right to take it out on you but if you are reaching marriage ending stakes it's part of the discussion.

I agree with those who say just suddenly need to go out. He needs to understand your life, whatever happens next.

Well he apologised last night. I said that’s fine but I don’t really want to speak to you yet. You said some very hurtful things so just give me some space.

I don’t normally carry things on but as I said yesterday this is way more than just a usual argument. I need to think what I want going forward because if he really does think those things of me then what’s the point. Being called a bad mum hurt more than anything.

He said that because he knew it would hurt you. That’s precisely why he said it. Think about that.

Could you afford to send the kids to a play scheme or something in the holidays to give you a rest.
Are they both a school term time.

He is over the top. Don't allow him to command you or to treat you like that.

No excuses for his behaviour. He was definitely OTT.

He’s just rang me from work apologising again saying he doesn’t want to have a go at me but he gets stressed at times.

We watched the Tyson fury documentary a few days ago and he’s just said “Watching the Tyson fury documentary opened my eyes the other day..Paris has 7 kids and her house is spotless”

m I honestly just fucking give up. As I’m on the phone to him I’ve got 3 year old DS screaming in my face and pulling my hair

I suggest you go away this weekend. Pack a bag for 2 days and fuck off the minute he walks through the door.
Don’t speak to him and just go. Send one text stating you are going away, he’s had multiple hours of free time and you are taking some owed to you. He needs to step up and start parenting his kids.
Then block his number until you come back.
He is a selfish prick!!

Sounds like a misogynist pig, Id be getting myself into work asap and having him take the kids every other week. Life's too short to be a slave to someone who doesn't even appreciate it.

He is seriously comparing you to Paris Fury?
Shes super rich with probably a nanny, cleaner and people tripping over themselves to help her behind the scenes. Your DH is an arse. It sounds like you’ve both had children, but only you are living with the work of the children. Has his life changed at all since you have had children? seen as he gets to focus on his work, go to football etc. He sounds like he is living his life like he never had children. HE is the shit parent, not you.

If your children can't stay in a room and play happily for a while something is wrong. We have 3 under 3 and an older and they all play happily while mummy does jobs. When I do jobs they can help with they come around the house with me. I can see his point to some extent as my hubby works very hard for us. On the other hand my hubby would never think of filling weekends and not taking care of the kids or taking them out so I get a few hours

@Ladyj84 My 7 year old can. My 3 year old has suspected severe asd so absolutely cannot be left alone for more than 2 minutes. Apart from breaking things and getting undressed and using the floor as a toilet, he is a danger to himself. He doesn’t understand that standing on the windowsil and jumping off or putting the blind cable around his neck is dangerous. I could explain it to him until I’m blue in the face but he doesn’t understand. So that is “something wrong”

FFS, I wish people would read at least the Op before commenting.

You clearly stated that there are additional needs.

Op, it sounds shit, I'm so sorry.

I genuinely, hand on heart, think you should say to him that you will be taking Sundays off. From now on, every Sunday, you will be going out and he is looking after the kids. If he doesn't agree, then he can stop the Saturday football games. This is completely fair and don't let him tell you otherwise.

He might then realise how hard it is. At the very least you will have some time to recharge.

Obviously, if he doesn't like this, then you need to seriously look at leaving him.

He certainly is. Far too many in that occupation are misogynistic pigs with drug or drink issues

Ugh OP he's a rude unpleasant person, and a selfish lazy cock. He needs to shape up or ship out (taking his share of the childcare with him)

Do you actually feel better having wrote that? Seriously, I never pull anyone up on something but this is disgusting!! The child has special needs, you CAN'T STICK THEM IN A ROOM TO PLAY!!!! dear god I seriously wonder what goes through people's heads!!

OP your partner is a idiot. He's speaking to you like dirt, he obviously does think this of you because he compared you to Tyson Fury's wife!! After the argument, the next day when he was supposed to be sorry . What you need to tell him is, to get a better job that pays millions like Tyson and then he can provide all the nice things Paris has. A poster on the Tyson thread knows them and they have a lot of help, not to mention that they are from the travelling community, so their families are huge with lots of support.

He's not going to change his thinking. If you plan on staying with him then you need to have some time out of the home, he needs to care for his own children, he needs to help you and to stop speaking to you like a piece of shit, the worst insult is to be told you're a crap mother. Jesus, what a dick! You are basically raising the children alone, what does he bring to this relationship?

This is so wrong of him to do. I don't understand why some partners are like this. You deserve better and you should treat yourself better by taking yourself out of this relationship. You will be far better off. It might not seem like it but your life will be mentally easier without having to deal with his abuse. Take some time to get your stuff together. This checklist can help with that (ignore step one as the website says that doesn't apply if you're in an abusive relationship like yours) https://iamlip.com/help-guides/pre-divorce/
Join a bunch of divorce facebook groups and use mumsnet to be a part of a supportive community so you feel less alone and can have somewhere to ask questions. Use the website linked here^. Use free hours from solicitors if you can't afford one, or use the website above with a solicitor to keep costs down by doing some stuff yourself e.g. filling out forms. There are so many resources - its possible to get through this. You won't regret it.
You and your kids will be able to live a happier life.