Husband called me a slob!

[lousia564]

So we haven't been getting on much recently, so I spoke to him about yesterday morning, apparently it's my fault and he called me a slob amongst other things! I feel very hurt, he knows about how I have struggled with losing weight since having our 2 children. Am I being sensitive?

By today he thinks it's no big deal and the fact I have said in the past that I might be fat gives him the right to say it as well.

I'm sorry wtf is that response @Mozzie1 ??

Cook him his favourite meal after he called her a slob?!

@lousia564 It's perfectly understandable that you are hurt by what he said.

Is it a one-off? Does he often say mean things? I take it he has the body of an Adonis to be looking down on you?

It's worrying that he knows you are down about trying to lose weight and is kicking you at the same time.

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit in anger he can say some horrible things. I have asked him for the last few months to give me a hand with getting the treadmill sorted it's in the garage (it's a 2 person job) still hasn't helped.

That doesn't sound great @lousia564 . I take it he dismisses the nasty things he says as 'just in anger' and you are too sensitive?

And not helping you get the treadmill out sounds a bit like sabotage to me. You're an easy punching bag (figuratively speaking) when your self-esteem is low due to the extra weight.

I wish I had better advice for you, but I'm sure some of the other Mumsnetters, like Billy will come around shortly. I just didn't want to read and run.

I'll say this though, I don't think it's you. It's definitely him with the issues.

Words like 'slob' and 'fat' are not at all helpful to anyone. He should be supporting you in your weight loss journey and encouraging you.
For example, my DH stepdad once got to the stage he was very overweight. MIL (a nurse at the time), talked to him kindly but firmly, and said she wanted to have a long healthy life with him, and to enjoy their middle age, rather than have it taken up by health issues, joint pain etc. She never mentioned the words 'diet', 'fat' or anything else similar. They started exercising together, planning meals, and they even got their friends involved. In the end they had a group of about 10 doing circuit training twice a week, and loved the experience. It became a highlight of their week. I think they still do it, even though he's now a more healthy weight.

🙄Really

If you speak about yourself like shit, you're giving people a green flag to do the same. I'm not in any way saying what he's said is ok, it isn't, and to be quite honest with you I would tell him exactly how you feel about it and that you didn't like him speaking to you that way.

If he brushes it off then stand by your boundaries and when he starts to speak to you that way walk away.

WTF?

Is this The Handmaiden’s Tale?

To me slob doesnt mean anything about weight. He shouldnt have said it but i wouldnt link it to being overweight.

If i am being a slob i have probably skipped a shower, dressed very casually and/or having a lazy day.

However perhaps in the context of the conversation it was clearly a dig at your weight.

Either way I don't think he should have called you that though, especially during an argument.

@Mozzie1 ODFO

Yes, I agree, and give him a BJ afterwards. Then bite, very hard.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 definitely

I think you meant to say he needs to be cooking OP's favourite meal tonight to apologise for being a nasty arse.

FYI, there's an edit post function on MN now, if you click on the three dots in the corner. You might want to use it.

Thanks everyone, I have low self esteem so it doesn't help, he was talking about my weight and fact I don't dress up anymore ie in t shirt, leggings or jeans. I don't where make up either etc.
I start a new part time job in a few weeks so hoping that helps me feel a little bit better about myself.

Well the answer is take more time for yourself- here you go husband here are the kids and the housework whilst I go out for a manicure, see you in a few hours.

So if your other half calls you a hurtful name you cook them a meal is that what you do?

If it's 'no big deal' to him, it should be no big deal for him to say sorry and that he'd been having a bad mood that he shouldn't have taken out on you/got carried away in the argument and he's sorry to have hurt you. It's clearly more of a 'big deal' than he admits, if he won't take it back and apologise. It's enough of a 'big deal' for him to want to stick to his guns over his words.

What does he wear? Presumably he doesn't wear make-up, so if he has an expectation that you slather yourself in cosmetics and paint a new face on, it's ridiculous. How does he dress? Is he always in smart trousers and a button-down shirt, or does he in fact also wear jeans and a t-shirt but think that's somehow different on him?

Hopefully your job will be fulfilling and your workplace pleasant!

The 50s are over you know?

Is this a joke?

And not helping you get the treadmill out sounds a bit like sabotage to me. You're an easy punching bag (figuratively speaking) when your self-esteem is low due to the extra weight.

I get this impression too. If he felt you needed to lose weight, a supportive husband would take steps to help you with that.

Does he really consider the problems in the relationship stem from the fact you're not getting dolled up every day?

More realistically he knows it's an easy target. I suspect at least some of the problems in the relationship stem from the fact your husband's a dick. He's deflecting any blame by honing in on your insecurities and making everything your fault.

You know how this was said and what it means in the context of your relationship. To me slob isn't about weight , and I could find it offensive or not depending on the circumstances. But if he is angry , undermining your confidence and twisting things to hurt you it's not ok and he needs to change.

I'll say this very slowly - that poster was taking the piss out of your first post; which I really hope was you trying to be funny and not meant seriously.

You have forgotten the offering him a blow job first