Husband called me a slob!

[lousia564]

So we haven't been getting on much recently, so I spoke to him about yesterday morning, apparently it's my fault and he called me a slob amongst other things! I feel very hurt, he knows about how I have struggled with losing weight since having our 2 children. Am I being sensitive?

By today he thinks it's no big deal and the fact I have said in the past that I might be fat gives him the right to say it as well.

Ha! You got there first @MMozzie1 !

Use the insult as leverage.
'You are right, I have let myself go as I have been putting everyone else's needs before my own. Look after your DC - they need feeding, bathing and changing. I am off to do my first c25K run. Thanks for giving me the motivational nudge i needed. Bye.'

He shouldn't be calling you a slob - but you shouldn't be calling him fat! Why is it OK for you to do it but not him? Neither of you sound great TBH.

She didn't. She said that she sometimes calls herself fat.

Now's the time to start leaving him with the kids every weekend for a good few hours.....hair needs doing, nails need doing, going for a facial etc.
If money is tight you need to go for a long walk as the treadmill isn't set up. He'll soon realise that a certain look takes time and effort....from both of you!

I did say to him my in my defence, I have had 2 c sections, 5 and 2 years ago, I did get back to a size 10 in between the children, but since my second I'm around a size 14.
I would go and get a personal trainer or go to a gym but we don't have the money or time and I have a treadmill in the garage anyway!

Definitely gonna try and sort the treadmill myself and start doing a few 5K runs.

Forgive me @lousia564 I misread your OP. Thank you @yellowsmileyface for correcting me.

In that case, "D"H is a dick and I agree you should put self-care ahead of child-care - he can do the latter....

I'm already doing things like getting job part time and trying to do better.

Already agreed to re learn how to play hockey and maybe play for a team near me.

We are in £8600 of debt, and it's only ever me that suggests trying to pay it off.

I'm not condoning him in any way. But for your own sake, a tiny bit of effort isn't hard. I remember when DC were small and i had absolutely no clothes clean - everything covered in sick (DS2 was very ill SEN) so the only thing I could find was a fancy summer dress i usually wore to weddings. I had to put it on. The amount of people who made positive remarks and came and chatted to me at playgroup etc was eye opening. It took less time to pull a pretty dress over my head than to sniff out clean-ish tee shirt and leggings. It made me decide to spend a little bit of effort on my appearance. Even 5 mins to brush hair and teeth, add lipgloss and mascara if you wear them, and a fresh scent. Not for your whining husband, for yourself.

I get what your saying @TotalOverhaul but I have never really worn make up apart from going out, it's never been my thing. I never know what to wear as well, so it's always been T-shirt and jeans. I have always struggled with depression, anxiety and self esteem throughout my life.

I wouldn't worry too much about your clothes - probably when you start your job, you won't be wearing leggings to go to work (unless it's a work from home job?), so you'll naturally have to 'smarten up' a bit for that (not for everything). As long as your jeans and t-shirts are clean and fit well, there's nothing wrong with them for casual day-to-day wear. It seems to me a majority of the population is frequently in jeans and a t-shirt (exempting work situations where people have to dress in a more formal manner).

Then don't do that. Certainly not for him. But what would help you feel better in yourself? Some good new jeans that fit your post-baby body? Some well cut teeshirts and tops in colours you like? A couple of new work outfits? Some cool and comfortable new trainers? A nicely scented shower gel?
Unless you are absolutely broke, it is a good idea to treat yourself occasionally after babies are born as it is all too easy to get stuck in a rut of treating yourself like you are last on a very long list of people and things to care about.

Thanks @TotalOverhaul I do get what you are saying.

I do have some birthday money I could buy a few bits with rather than spend on the children. But I never know what to buy.

My new job is in a hospital so I presume I will be given uniform.

He was telling him that you owe him a certain level of stylishness.

This is an arrogant, entitled man.

He's trying to ruin your self confidence ahead of starting your new job because he's insecure.

It's a big mistake to defend yourself, to engage in the argument.

You should just tell him he has no right to speak like that to the mother of his children. Then walk away. He'll try to justify his cruelty, so just repeat what you said and keep on repeating it. If you want, you can add that his refusal to accept your word on what you find acceptable treatment of you is a deeply unattractive trait. (It's bullying).

I bet you would have time to look after yourself if he did his fair share of housekeeping, laundry, meal planning, shopping, cooking and clearing away, school admin, and childcare.

Finally got the treadmill working (yes he did finally help)

Did 10 minutes of walk/jog on it, my core hurts just from that.