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Original poster

Is glancing at another woman 4/5 considered checking them out?

65 replies

Ol4529 · 21/08/2023 12:34

We have been together around a year I know that he loves me but I can't help but think sometimes when we are out that he is looking at other women. It's happened on a few occasions and I have pulled him up on it, each time he has got angry and defensive and swore he wouldn't do that to me. I can't help but think it could be in my head. It has happened again and I feel really uncomfortable about it as it makes me feel ugly. It wasn't a full on stare but he looked in her direction about 5 times. I want to believe he is just looking around and noseying at other people and I get the odd glance is ok but 5 times to me seems a bit much. I don't want to bring it up again incase it's all in my head and it's me with the issue and not him. So does checking someone out involve full on staring or is it justified that I feel the way I do over a few a few glances?

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 11:51

@baileys6904 Not taking about controlling behaviour, I'm talking about pervs. Of course it's okay to glance at someone.

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 15:00

But op there's a difference between checking someone out and wanting to be with them.

OK maybe he needs to be more discrete about it.
And If he's doing it in a way that feels leery or like it's deliberate to make you feel insecure then bin the twat. (Don't waste time telling someone why their obviously shit behaviour is shit. People respect you or they don't. You can't talk it into them).

But people don't just usually just stop fancying other people because they have a partner. Those are unrealistic and completely unfair expectations. People have depth and dimensions to them. They aren't 2d Disney characters in a movie falling in 'true love'.

Redwinestillfine · 23/08/2023 15:02

You can't stop him looking. As long as he doesn't touch.....

baileys6904 · 23/08/2023 16:02

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 11:51

@baileys6904 Not taking about controlling behaviour, I'm talking about pervs. Of course it's okay to glance at someone.

So how many times is I tok to look at someone before you deem it perving. The OP says he'll looks at someone 5 times. To me it could be classed as controlling even counting that

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 16:08

@baileys6904 It's obvious when it is leering at one particular person.

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 16:40

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 16:08

@baileys6904 It's obvious when it is leering at one particular person.

But looking isn't leering tbf.

I mean he could still be a letch but it's impossible to know without being there. I'd assume that 'looking' is just looking.

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 16:46

@Pinkbonbon Well.. yeah. But I'm sure OP knows the difference.

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 17:04

Yes but she hasn't come on and said he creepily stares at women.

Her problem is that he still fancies other people even though he's in a relationship. Which is normal.

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 17:10

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 17:04

Yes but she hasn't come on and said he creepily stares at women.

Her problem is that he still fancies other people even though he's in a relationship. Which is normal.

Nah she is allowed to have whatever boundaries she likes. There are men who have wandering eyes and there are those that don't.
Telling women to lower their standards is not favourably looked on these days.

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 17:24

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 17:10

Nah she is allowed to have whatever boundaries she likes. There are men who have wandering eyes and there are those that don't.
Telling women to lower their standards is not favourably looked on these days.

Show quote history

I agree, but telling men they aren't even allowed to look at other women shouldn't be looked upon favorably either. It's controlling.

saffronsoup · 23/08/2023 17:29

How do you know he is looking at them because he finds them attractive? People have eyes and they look around. I think it is controlling and weird to expect a partner to either look at the ground or at you at all times. I wouldn't be with someone like you OP who told me I saw you look to the left 5 times, I am not going to tolerate that. You will look at me only and not at anyone else. I would feel sufffocated in minutes in a relationship with that lack of trust and level of control.

SunflowerTed · 24/08/2023 05:58

Purplepeople12 · 21/08/2023 15:08

I glance at others too, absent mindedly almost. It's natural. I think I notice bums on people aswell, men and women and I'm not eyeing any up (well ocassionaly I'll notice a good looking man but its gone the minute I've registered it!!!) I seem to find myself thinking those jeans or nice, or the shoes, or even tbey just look nice generally. Are you sure he'd not just idly looking around, not particlarly at anyone? Are you almost.noticing these women and looking at him to see if he's looking in that direction, so you aren't picking up if he glances at a male passer by?

Same. What’s wrong with checking people out if you are secure and happy in your relationship?!

SunflowerTed · 24/08/2023 09:46

Ol4529 · 22/08/2023 19:00

I understand that not everyone has the same opinion and other people are less insecure than others. I personally wouldn't look at a guy 5 times just because I found him attractive, whether I'm with my partner or not, out of respect for both people involved. For the people saying he is with you so why does it matter? It matters because I want to feel my partner is attracted to me and I'm the only person he wants to be with (isn't that what true love is?) Not everyone has the luxury of being able to date whoever they want and I sometimes question whether he is just settling for me

I don’t think he has a problem - you need to try and work on your jealousy and insecurities x

Disturbia81 · 24/08/2023 18:07

Keep your standards OP.

Original poster
Ol4529 · 24/08/2023 18:57

I would never expect him to just look at the ground and not at anyone else, that's not what I've said. I get it's completely normal to people watch, I do it too. However, when I'm on a date with my boyfriend, I don't expect his eyes to be on some other woman while we're midway through a conversation. I never counted how many times he looked, when I said about 5 times that was a guess, all I know is it was enough for me to notice. It just always seems to be an attractive woman when this happens, that's why I assume

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