Am I overthinking this?

[WouldYouThinkThisStrange]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Everything is great.

There was a something and nothing yesterday incident yesterday that in the grand scheme of things is nothing but something about it doesn't sit right with me.

Yesterday we took his mum out for the day, she came back for dinner and he left at 7pm to drive her home. It's a half hour drive from mine to his mum's. I was expecting him to be back in about an hour so cleaned up after dinner etc.

He got back shortly after 9. This wouldn't normally be an issue but, when I realised it was 8.30 and I hadn't heard from him (he'd normally text when he's on his way back). I was mildly concerned something had happened (eg his mum had fallen or there'd been a road accident) and I definitely felt relieved when he walked through the door a 9pm but just asked if everything was alright (meaning his mum really because he was obviously ok).

So far, so no problem.

It was his explanation for being later than expected (that I didn't really need) that was odd. Both overly detailed and lacking in detail at the same time.

I'm not a suspicious person generally and just accepted what he'd said at the time but something about it just doesn't ring true.

The lack of detail about the reason he was late that would have been reasonably interesting to hear about and then a lot of unnecessary detail about some lads driving like idiots on the way back. The lads driving like idiots thing isn't really interesting because the stretch of road is known for it and it happens a lot.

I don't know. It came into my head again this morning and it just sounds like a lie. The way people gloss over something they're lying about and go into unnecessary detail about something else to avoid further discussion about it and make the lie sound plausible. It sounded like he'd rehearsed it in the car on the way back tbh.

Am I overthinking it?

trust your instincts. What was the reason?

Depends what his actual reason he was late was?

No I don’t think you’re over thinking it.
trust your gut.

Nothing to go on IMO. He probably just sat with his mother for a little while.

Personally I would leave it.

I think you're overthinking.

It’s a difference of 30mins? What could he possibly have done in that time? Did his mum have him in for a cup of tea or anything?

You know yourself when something seems a bit off but for such a narrow window of time he could hardly be up to anything too nefarious

1. He went in to the house with his mum to check she got in safely and have a cup of tea. Told me that having an elderly parent is like going back to having children at times and how long he spent there except that it was far too much detail and he picks her up and drops her back a lot and he's not felt the need to give detail or explain it before and she always refuses being seen into the house anyway. It could be true on this occasion but it was out of the norm and a lot of detail.

2. Then more detail than was necessary about realising he needed the loo on the way back so stopped into his flat on the way back to mine. Nothing out of the ordinary there except for the detail but it set the scene for the next bit.

3. Then a very quick glossing over how he'd bumped into a man he hasn't seen for 30 years and had a chat. No detail except for how long the chat lasted and the man's name.

4. Then an almost blow by blow account of how these lads drove like idiots; who was following who; what happened at the roundabount on the drive home.

So the reasons for being later were either overly detailed or glossed over but there was a lot of detail about the drive home which was all pretty normal for that road.

I did go back to the man and ask about him. He just said he'd vaguely known him in the past but he wasn't able to tell me anything about the chat or the man because the man was very drunk and they weren't really friends anyway and he didn't really know him well (but still managed nearly a half hour chat in the street).

I don't know. It could be true but it just seemed oddly detailed and lacking in detail at the time.

I dunno, if conversing with my husband I’d prob do that as chit chat. I’m agog you clearly think it means he’s a cheat or something weird

Its half hour. I wouldn't be in a rush to get home if I were being interrogated about dropping my mum home either.

That's the thing.

It was all plausible and I wouldn't normally question any of it. It was the over detailed explanations of some things and then total vagueness on others.

It was a difference of an hour, which I know is nothing. That's why all the detail felt odd. Tbh, when it was clear nothing bad had happened, I'd expected him to say he'd gone for a pint. His friend is the landlord of the pub round the corner and he hasn't seen them for a couple of months.

I wouldn't have thought anything of it if it hadn't been for the odd details.

I just hadn't noticed he wasn't back in an hour because I don't really pay attention to stuff like that.

Like I say, it wasn't the hour that bothered me but the odd explanations. Which I hadn't asked for anyway!

I wouldn't be in a rush to get home if I were being interrogated about dropping my mum home either.

Well I'm not sure how conversations in most relationships work but "everything OK?" After someone is an hour late back from dropping an elderly mum home isn't an interrogation.

"Yeah, fine. Just went in for a cup of tea and she wanted me to do a couple of things for her" or whatever would be a more normal response than the oddly detailed/vague explanation I got.

I don't think anything specifically. I have no idea want he was doing.

No one thinks an oddly detailed expalnation is strange then? OK, I'll accept I'm overthinking it!

It wasn't the lateness or sequence of events that bothered me but the odd detail. It just didn't sound right.

Do you tend to question him a lot about his movements? Maybe he feels he has to elaborate?

You know exactly what he was doing, he told you.

With the extra information you've given it genuinely sounds like absolutely nothing!

I often give blow by blow counts of peoples horrendous driving on my way home to my husband, along with lots of random information on bits of my day 😂 I'm not up to anything!

No. Never.

We ask each other conversationally which I'm assuming is pretty normal!

That's the thing. I don't ever ask otherwise. I only asked if everything was OK because my first thought when he was late back was that his mum had been taken unwell or there'd been a road accident (given what I've said about the road upthread).

As I keep saying, it's not that he was an hour later back that's bothering me - I'd assume many things before i even consodered something dodgy. It was the weirdly detailed explanations with time durations along with total vagueness that sounds odd to me. It was just so out of the ordinary.

I don’t think most folks understand you op. It sounds like inane chat, most of us go into that sort of detail mode when chatting.

you obviously don’t trust him and think he’s lying. And did something secret in that hour or less. We don’t know you, your relationship , so none of us can tell if you’re a person with issues or you’re being lied to. It all seems very extreme and paranoid.

I do understand that 😉

We obviously have normal conversations!

But the most interesting/unusual part of it would have been bumping into someone he used to know! Not how it is having an elderly parent or how he realised he needed the loo!

I understand why people have asked if I question him a lot or referred to it as an interrogation too because the level of detail he gave would be consistent with that kind of behaviour from me. But that's why I'm saying it's unusual because he wouldn't normally give any sort of detail at all. It would be part of normal chit chat and not an 'explanation'

It felt more like he thought it needed explaining or wanted to explain in detail. The way someone with a guilty conscience or is lying does.

The whole point of me posting was that it was out of the ordinary.

Yes this does sound odd and I would definitely trust your gut

He went to the pub.
He doesn't want to tell you he's been drink driving.

I'd let this one go. It was probably just one pint.

Tbh, I'd expected him back around 8. Washed up and phoned my son for a chat. I realised at 8.30 that he was half an hour after I'd expected him. First thought was I hope his mum's OK, second thought was I hope he's OK and not been in an accident.

It's unusual for him to not message if he's going to be late. He doesn't like keeping people waiting and thinks just turning up late is rude. He'd normally just message when he's leaving to say "Running a bit late. On my way."

So, as it got closer to 9, I did start to worry that maybe he hadn't messaged because he couldn't. Because it's unlike him.

I was relieved when he arrived and asked if everything was OK (meaning his mum since that's who he'd been with). I kind of expected him to say he'd been to the pub to see his friend.

It wasn't like my mind was running wild with possibilities! Something 'dodgy' hadn't even occurred to me.

I was just really surprised by the odd explanation he did give. It was an unexpected and unprecedented level of detail.

I haven't asked anyone what I think he might have been doing instead just whether they'd think it was strange that he gave an unusually detailed/vague blow by blow account of his movements since leaving mine to take his mum home when that isn't something that would normally happen.

Yes, you're overthinking it.

My DH can get talking to people he's played football with in the past and honestly, I couldn't tell you their name 30 seconds after he's mentioned them.
He'll also tell me, and I tell him (in a very animated way) when someone's driving has annoyed me or vice versa.

Did you ask why he was so late or did he offer the explanation? Because if you asked, he likely felt he had to go into detail because you were questioning him about a short space of time.

Goodness that’s a reach.

He hadn't been to the pub. He kissed me and there was no alcohol/beer at all on his breath.

Tbh, I'm pretty easy going. If he has lied, it won't be be because he was worried I'd overreact to something normal. It would be because he'd done something that he specifically didn't want me to know about.