I split up with dp last night and now i dont know what to do next, can anyone help me, my minds gone all blank :(

[QueenofVenus]

I have 3 young children, and i live in a rented house, who do i need to ring re finacial help like help paying rent etc, im completely lost at the moment please please help!

go to CAB but you need to go to your council and apply for housing & council tax benefit and ring up CTC and tell them that he has left and work out how your income will go down.

first call is to dss they will send all the forms you need. But i would aslo phone the council for forms for rent and council tax. are you ok?

Thankyou! im trying to be ok, i just feel really lost and numb at the moment my poor dd sat and hugged me when i burst into tears because i couldnt find her shoes! im such a wreck, i wish i was a stronger person.

Thanks kerrymum, i dont have many friends round here and my sister and my mum who im close to are out in australia as my sister moved there 5 months ago, and my mum isnt back for weeks, i feel pretty alone right now.

Hi Sweetie first of all you need to ring the benefits office (jobcentre plus?) Tell them that you have split with your partner and they will fill the forms in with you over the telephone. They will also fill in the forms for housing and council tax benefit. They will then make an appointment for you to go into the office to sign the papers, they will ask you take take DC birth certificate, proof of child benefit and a bank statement(to prove you have no capital.

Try not to worry or to panic. There are plenty of people out there to help you, you will be fine

My heart goes out to you QueenofVenus. It is almost like an out of body experience, the first few weeks. You can't be expected to be super-woman-strong just now, but you will be strong enough to do one thing at a time. Don't be hard on yourself. You've had a terrible shock, and a bereavement at the death of your relationship. You are allowed to be stunned. it's normal. hope you and dd are both okay.

thankyou timeforme/littlewoman i so badly need to hear thats its all going to be ok, i feel like my whole world has collapsed around me, how do i cope with 3 young children by myself, what if im no good on my own? what if my kids hate me for doing it when they are older? what if i cant cope? i feel so upset one minute and panicky the next, oh

First stop is the CAB. you will get endless good advice here, lots of people been where you are now.

I felt exactly the same when I split with my exH. I had 3 young children and a heck of a lot of personal issues. Believe me, if I could do it, anyone can do it

Just as little woman says, you have to be kind to yourself, treat yourself nicely and look after yourself well. Once I had come out of the 'cotton wool' head stage I made a list of things I wanted to achieve, I set myself little goals (which soon became big ones!) My first one was to open a ban account as back then I hadn't been 'allowed' to have my own . By the end of my list I had been on a college course, returned to university, got a great job, learnt to drive and bought a house! I was on such a high! Having goals gave me something to aim for. I went from a complete down trodden doormat with absolutely no confidence whatsoever to a very happy, very confident woman. And my children were fab! We were a little team every step of the way. The best thing was seeing my children happy and laughing, so carefree and knowing that I had given that to them by getting out of my reltaionship. They kept me going.

Sorry, I have digressed but, I jsut want you to trust in yourself. Your children will be absolutely fine, so long as you are. This isn't the end of your life, it's just the start of a whole new one xx

I have six dcs (not trying to sound worse off, because it was exactly the same thing - a split up - so mine couldn't have been worse). Just trying to say that you will be able to cope with your dcs, even though it seems a monumental task right now, considering your emotional state. I was terrified of hitting the booze, because that's what I've seen so many women do, and I didn't want my kids to have to cope with that. My brain just would not shut up about the break up, and it just kept going round and round my head. I felt quite literally mad. I don't know if you are experiencing this, but whatever you are feeling, keep on MN. You will need people to talk to, and that's what everyone is here for.

couldn't not post queen, though not much practical advice here. so sorry and am sure you'll get loads of support on mn.

timeforme - what a great and moving tale. Hope queen will be where you are soon.

Yeah, absolutely, TimeforMe. I went to college, and am now at uni, after the split. It is a crap, crap thing to happen, but the kids and I are closer and do not live in fear of the bossy control freak bastard. Now walk on carpets instead of eggshells. It was the most awful thing that ever happened in my life, but it also was the catalyst for some of my life's proudest moments.

Oh yes, I so remember the feel of carpet under my feet rather than the eggshells. You know what my first goal was? It sounds so silly now but, it was to use the telephone. My exH had been such a nasty control freak that I had not used the phone or hardly spoken to anyone outside the home for years. I was shaking like a leaf and so nervous but, the lady on the other end was lovely, I came off that phone feeling like i had won the lottery! I was so happy and on such a high that it gave me the thirst for more of the same. Realising that I was actually a worthwhile person that other people found interesting was just the start for me. I would talk to strangers at bus stops, there was no stopping me once I got going

It didn't feel like it at first but, to this day, 12 years later, I still have it marked as the best time of my life.

Believe in yourself!!!

Oh thankyou everyone! i have read all your lovely stories and im so so relieved that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, i have tried to contact my local cab but it just said 'Please note the advice line is currently not in operation' i will keep trying though, not sure what else to do at the moment, i told tax credits, and i filled in a form online re housing benefit/income support etc. Ugh, cotton wool head describes it so well, i just feel compltely useless.

You are not useless!! This is not a time to be putting yourself down. Repeat after me " I am a competent, capable and independent woman. I can do anything I set my mind to do" Keep telling yourself that and it won't be long before you start to believe it

And well done on what you have achieved so far! How old are your children by the way?

Hi QOV I hope you feel ok, i've recently split up with xp, 8m weeks ago, and it's true time is a good healer, I still have bad days, where i don't want to work do dinner etc ect, but your dc are such a good help, i just thought i can't go to bits cos of ds. But to be honest i walked around like a zombi the first couple of weeks, but it doesn't take long to get into different routins. the hardest part for me was telling people, so i just told a select few at first. What ever feels right just go with it. MN does really help, i thought i was the only one going through it, till i logged on
Keep strong.

ds1 is 7, ds2 is 5 and dd1 is 2, i will try and repeat what you said to myself, it does make me fell a little better, although im getting really p'd off at there being absolutley NO cab available in my area at all, i finally got through to someone and she said they only have a drop-in centre every 1st and 3rd tuesday of every month and you have to get there before 9 or theres no point as its a first come first served sort of thing I guess i will have to do without CAB!

CAB have a website don't they? Can you get any useful info from there.

Keep repeating timeforme's mantra!! 100 times a day!!

Hugs.

Thanks jane1979 i do feel really alone right now, but then i do know there are lots of people going through this or have been through it, and they obviously survive. I shouldnt feel so sorry for myself, some people are going through alot worse then a break-up right now. Its not the end of the world i know that, but its bloody horrible.

so sorry QueenofVenus.Was this all a big surprise to you or has it been coming for a while?

advice here