Arguing over mess

[Suffolkmum81]

I live with my two adult children, one is autistic . My partner moved in end of last year . He constantly complains about any mess my adult kids leave. I agree that should tidy up after themselves but I don’t want them to feel like they can’t even leave a plate without being moaned at . I already suffer terribly with anxiety and I feel like it’s making it worse, if I go out I rush home before him in case there’s any mess. We’ve spoken about it before and his answer is well if they clean up after themselves it’s not an issue so take it up with them. I’m considering ending the relationship and it seems so petty but it’s getting me down

He needs to move out, it’s your kids home, and he’s causing stress.

I guess it depends on the the level of mess. A plate on the side no big deal. A trail of dirty laundry and empty food wrappers would piss most people off.
If he's unhappy with the situation, and you and the kids don't want to change it then he needs to leave.

It’s more like a few dishes in the sink or some crumbs on the kitchen side

Because I never realised that something so small would be an issue

A few plates in the sink and a few crumbs sounds "pretty revolting"? That's rather dramatic.

Wow the level of judgment . If you read the post properly it says one is autistic , and my home isn’t revolting Thankyou it’s a normal family home that gets messy and gets cleaned

Aren’t women supposed to support each other here rather than make someone feel worse

I think they mean revolting as in the atmosphere, not your cleaning skills

Exactly this , if you don’t have anything helpful it’s at then why post

What do you think she is meant to do? Go from low-level ordinary mess to show home just to please someone new?

Or tell him to get over it? The latter is what I'd advise.

Apolgies I thought this was a place for support not to get ripped apart by other women

If they were leaving an absolute shit tip then I could understand him calling them out on it. But a plate, or cups of crumbs is just everyday family life. He's being hugely unreasonable and it's impacting your mental health and you're having g to modify your behaviour which isn't a nice place to be.

Just checking. Your previous posts sounded like you were saying she should acquiesce and insist on everything be pristine at all times.

I agree with you.

Hmmm not sure about this one.. I'm sure my teenagers would say I'm 'constantly moaning' about mess but it's more like every meal time I'm calling at least one of them back cause they've left their plate on the table, and I'm not a waitress service!

Did he have kids himself?

It sounds like your anxiety is causing you to pay too much attention to his moaning maybe?

"Oh, Jack's left his plate on the table, can't believe the mess round here, blah blah"
"Just give him a shout, I'm sure he'll pick it up"

You don't have to buy into drama and stress about it?

Why did you decide to come on here and be so unpleasant today, Clickandcollect82?

Give your opinion by all means, but why not do it in a constructive and helpful way? 😕

It’s your home. If a bit of everyday life mess is going to cause arguments then you need to tell him that.
Don't move someone into your family home and then tread on eggshells around him.

Um... I'm not a very tactful person so I'll try and put this nicely 😁

You've had one person be mildly dickish on this thread, on this thread, plus a lot of supportive posters.
But you've instantly jumped on the criticism and taken it straight to heart, and been really hurt

I think you need to be a bit less sensitive to the opinions of others - including your DP!
People say things all the time you know, you don't have to actually listen to them 😉
Smile, nod and ignore... will get you a long way and do your blood pressure the world of good