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Original poster

Dog & DP issue

59 replies

TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 12:51

DP has had a massive rant over my dog this weekend!

I get that she is a total princess, she sleeps in the beds, cries if she has to sleep downstairs and I let her eat leftovers off my plate 🤦🏼‍♀️
She's DDs dog but she moved away and left her with me.

DP says he doesn't want her living with us when we move

Is he justified in this? Not feeling great at the moment (anxiety & stress) so my perception of stuff is way off

OP posts:
CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 14/08/2023 17:10

Acornsoup · 14/08/2023 17:00

Did I miss the bit in the original post where OP said training was an option? 'DP says he doesn't want her living with us when we move'.

So all of the discussion about training is irrelevant. He's put his foot down and said his piece. This is DP on his best behaviour before they live together.

TomAllenWife · Today 14:48
He loves animals, I didn't say he hated her, he just doesn't want her waking him up every hour or eating off plates

I like the baby gate idea

I would assume from this post that if the dog stopped waking him up or eating off dinner plates then he would be okay to keeping the dog. It's not about control of OP but normal boundaries. I love dogs but I also love my sleep.

Acornsoup · 14/08/2023 17:14

So the dog doesn't have to go then?

OP also said 'Is he justified in this? Not feeling great at the moment (anxiety & stress) so my perception of stuff is way off'

Why the anxiety, stress and way off perception? It might just be me but I have a really uneasy feeling about DP.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 14/08/2023 17:48

I think that whether you're BU or not really depends on the context.
Has he mentioned that he's unhappy before? Or wanting to put firmer boundaries in place? If so, I think you're BU not to have done that and to let him get to the place where he's threatening to leave.
If he hasn't and he's landed this on you like this, then he's BU.
However it won't be a bad idea to asset those boundaries. Dogs love routine so with consistency, it will be easy to get there. I absolutely love my dogs but boundaries are not a bad thing.

TenderDandelions · 14/08/2023 18:10

Elsiebear90 · 14/08/2023 16:50

I don’t think you’re a bad owner at all (as some other people have suggested), you just have different styles of dog ownership. My dog doesn’t sleep in our bed, she has dog bed in our spare room. I don’t share beds with animals full stop (so I’m with your partner on that one), but she eats left overs from plates, they go in the dishwasher anyway so I don’t see the issue, she’s allowed on the sofa and can lie on the end of our bed at night for an hour or two until it’s time to sleep.

Neither of you are wrong, but I don’t think it would hurt the dog to sleep elsewhere and not eat off plates if it bothers your DP.

This sums up how I feel. I grew up with dogs and they were never allowed on the beds and were never let to lick scraps off plates (though might have been given the scraps in their bowls).

Giving your DDog the scraps from a plate in to their bowl is an easy fix.

Getting the dog to sleep elsewhere is going to be a different challenge and possibly impossible. Could you suggest to DP that it might not be possible to retrain the dog to sleep elsewhere now, but you agree that any future dog won't be allowed on the bed?

(Possibly not helpful to DP if DDog is very young with years ahead of her!)

Ultimately, you and Ddog come as a package (unless your DD desperately wants her dog back) and both of you will need to find a way forward - i.e. not just him dictating what he wants.

pickledandpuzzled · 14/08/2023 18:37

The eating off a plate thing is easily solved, that's on you. Don't give her your plate. Don't leave food lying around for her to steal.

The bed thing- ask him to help you work on it. My dog sleeps in with us. He was scared by something put through the letterbox and didn't ever settle again. He has to be in with someone.

You could try crating her in your room, but it will take a while for her to get used to, and she'll probably keep you awake in the meantime.

Get training advice and agree it with him, with both of you working on it.

Ultimately though, if you have to give her up you will likely feel resentful.

Nuclear option- if you are sure she will settle with DD, then let her go and get a joint dog that you train together. But be really sure you can agree on that because it will split you up if he turns out to be unkind.

Cherrysoup · 14/08/2023 18:41

Re-train her to settle away from the bedroom, I’d hate being woken up constantly. Also, eating from your plate is your choice, just stop, it’s absolutely rank and I’m covered in dogs, usually.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 14/08/2023 18:46

Is it a dachshund? We have one too and they love to sleep with their humans. They like to burrow too so will often want to sleep under the covers. I honestly wonder how ours breathes sometimes.

We got ours a bed that's like a fleece sleeping bag. He loves sleeping in it but still prefers the bed at night.

StarDolphins · 14/08/2023 18:48

‘DP says he doesn't want her living with us when we move’

No way would I be told I can’t keep my dog😩 you’ll end up resenting him

Cupcakekiller · 14/08/2023 20:31

She sounds like my house cat! Keep the dog, lose the bloke.

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