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Original poster

Dog & DP issue

59 replies

TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 12:51

DP has had a massive rant over my dog this weekend!

I get that she is a total princess, she sleeps in the beds, cries if she has to sleep downstairs and I let her eat leftovers off my plate 🤦🏼‍♀️
She's DDs dog but she moved away and left her with me.

DP says he doesn't want her living with us when we move

Is he justified in this? Not feeling great at the moment (anxiety & stress) so my perception of stuff is way off

OP posts:
Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 14:48

He loves animals, I didn't say he hated her, he just doesn't want her waking him up every hour or eating off plates

I like the baby gate idea

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 14/08/2023 16:13

We've got a small breed dog, that is exceptionally well trained in all other areas apart from she sleeps in the bed with us (and would never tolerate a crate). We tried and tried. Taking in turns sleeping downstairs with her, keep putting her back in her basket every time she woke. Literally for 3 months DH and I slept apart trying to train her to sleep independently-just couldn't do it. In our bed - sleeps through all night. Attempt to shut her anywhere away from us and she cries loudly all night long, no one gets any sleep and it must disturb the neighbours. So she sleeps in the bed with us. This is a dog with perfect recall, who walks nicely off lead, who will wait before going for dropped food awaiting command, who does a multitude of tricks, including being able to wait with a treat on her paw only eating it when we command. She's a well trained dog, and clever and able to learn. She is just simply distressed by being made to sleep alone and needs to sleep as part of a pack. I think it is breed and individual dog dependent as to whether this is something trainable. I suspect the only way we could stop her sleeping with us would be to get another dog - but that could backfire and we'd end up with 2 of them in the bed with us!

Toooldtoworry · 14/08/2023 16:14

LaurieFairyCake · 14/08/2023 13:13

Keep dog

Get rid of man

Easy

100% agree

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 16:17

Acornsoup · 14/08/2023 13:39

She's your dog now so you can do whatever in your own home. I'm not sure I would be with a person who doesn't like animals though.

Why do you have to get rid of her. What's next on his list?

He's not a keeper.

No where does it say he doesn't like animals. He doesn't like being kept awake at night and a dog eating scraps off of plates. How in any way is that unreasonable?

The "get rid of the man" posts are fucking ridiculous.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 14/08/2023 16:18

TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 14:48

He loves animals, I didn't say he hated her, he just doesn't want her waking him up every hour or eating off plates

I like the baby gate idea

Then his "demands" are reasonable and many dog loving people will agree with him. You need to train the dog (and yourself).

Hoppinggreen · 14/08/2023 16:22

Stop calling it a Princess and a Diva, the fact that you do suggests what the problem is.
I love my dog but he’s a dog. He is (very well) treated like a dog

RoseAndRose · 14/08/2023 16:22

When you say been together for 5 years, it that living together?

Because you say that you're about to move, and I was wondering if that might be first living together. And if he really does not want a dog full time in his home, that needs to be respected.

She's your DD's dog, not yours, no matter how attached you feel. Moving her back to her owner, now that it is possible for your DD to resume day-to-day care and control, really seems like the best plan

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/08/2023 16:29

Can your dd not take her dog back?

Shapemyeyebrows · 14/08/2023 16:32

@TomAllenWife well I feel sorry for the dog. He’s only doing what he’s been allowed to do. The food off the plate is a big no no. However I don’t see anything wrong with dogs being upstairs, can it not sleep in your room but in it’s own dog bed?

Johnisafckface · 14/08/2023 16:35

LaurieFairyCake · 14/08/2023 13:13

Keep dog

Get rid of man

Easy

This.

She doesn't seem like a bad dog at all. I feed my dogs human food, and they sleep in the bed/on the sofa. You two are just incompatible with how you view pet ownership.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 16:36

@RoseAndRose yes we are about to move into our own home together

@Shapemyeyebrows dd could take her back but I would be devastated. Plus she'd be living in the 13th floor of a tower block
She won't sleep in her dog bed in the bedroom, she just jumps into bed when I'm asleep
DP sleeps much lighter than me

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 14/08/2023 16:43

@Aquamarine1029 is disagree - the dog has been fine while they lived separately. Would you just give up a pet so easily? I wouldn't.

It's the control of it I don't like - not in my house. They aren't even living together yet and he's already started. They've taken 5 years to get to this point for a reason. The title of the post is literally Dog and DP issue.

As far as I can see it is a DP issue. The OP is already living with her own standards. She doesn't have to change them for him or any of us. Retraining isn't an option for him, he wants it gone.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 16:45

Oh my goodness you can't win on mn can you!!!!!

If we moved in within 18m there would be cries of 'oh it's too soon your poor dc'

We've been waiting for 2 years for planning applications
We also wanted to be sure, and the dcs to be happy and they c

OP posts:
Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 16:45

Sorry

And the dcs were the priority, not the dog!!

OP posts:
Reggiebo · 14/08/2023 16:45

Agree with acornsoup....what will it be next..

Acornsoup · 14/08/2023 16:46

@TomAllenWife I'm not criticising you.

Shapemyeyebrows · 14/08/2023 16:47

@TomAllenWife How old is the dog? You would need to be strong and keep putting her on her own bed for her to learn. I know this is a dog that wasn’t originally yours but it doesn’t sound like going back to your daughter would be best for the dog. So if you really do love her please just try and train her a bit better. I can understand your partner getting annoyed seeing as it’s not a dog you got together, and her eating off plates isn’t a good habit. I think you have been too soft on the dog. That’s not the dogs fault, and now her home is up in the air due to it. I feel so sad for these dogs who don’t get the training they need and its the dog who suffers. 😭 I think these things your partner is annoyed about could be easily sorted though with a bit of consistency.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/08/2023 16:48

@Shapemyeyebrows you're right, and she did used to sleep in her bed in the kitchen.

I totally take the blame, they're like children

OP posts:
Elsiebear90 · 14/08/2023 16:50

I don’t think you’re a bad owner at all (as some other people have suggested), you just have different styles of dog ownership. My dog doesn’t sleep in our bed, she has dog bed in our spare room. I don’t share beds with animals full stop (so I’m with your partner on that one), but she eats left overs from plates, they go in the dishwasher anyway so I don’t see the issue, she’s allowed on the sofa and can lie on the end of our bed at night for an hour or two until it’s time to sleep.

Neither of you are wrong, but I don’t think it would hurt the dog to sleep elsewhere and not eat off plates if it bothers your DP.

rwalker · 14/08/2023 16:50

The problem isn’t the dog or DP it a problem of your making

not wanting it in the bedroom waking him up and eating of plates is just grim

train the dog irrespective of what happens with your DP

these are normally issues I think a lot of people would have problems with wouldn’t be jumping to the conclusion that he’s controlling

Shapemyeyebrows · 14/08/2023 16:54

@TomAllenWife Yep, as much as you sometimes want to give your kids everything they want, you can’t. Just like you can’t let your dog do everything it wants. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to shut her downstairs, just have some boundaries. You sound like you love the dog but you can love them and also say no.

neilyoungismyhero · 14/08/2023 16:56

My dog and sometimes cat sleep in our bedroom. Dog in his basket and cat on the bed until he gets bored. My husband doesn't mind. All is good. However this isn't what your husband/partner signed up for is it? The dog was your daughter's dog. You've done nobody any favours by your treatment of the dog, it wasn't fair of you and now it's come home to roost. Either let your daughter have her dog back now she's settled or find a good behaviourist to get you back on track with proper training and hopefully you'll all be happy again.

Acornsoup · 14/08/2023 17:00

Did I miss the bit in the original post where OP said training was an option? 'DP says he doesn't want her living with us when we move'.

So all of the discussion about training is irrelevant. He's put his foot down and said his piece. This is DP on his best behaviour before they live together.

kitsuneghost · 14/08/2023 17:01

You have both got to want a dog in your home
you obviously do, he obviously doesn't
You may have to choose

Reggiebo · 14/08/2023 17:04

Feels like a bit of a smoke screen... Control is being exercised. Making you give up something you love. Have to agree with acornsoup.

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