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Original poster

Could he be cheating?

52 replies

Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 09:12

I’ve put a couple of post on here recently as my husband seems to be acting very suspicious or is this me over thinking?

  1. on 2 occasions recently I saw porn sites open on his phone (he claimed they were pop ups)

  2. he shaved around his penis

  3. he masturbated for the first time in our 15year marriage near me a few days ago (I don’t know if he does it when he’s alone)

  4. he was texting away last night with a smirk on his face but now I can’t find anything (no email, text, social media messages) what could he have been doing?

  5. he always closes all his apps on his phone (this has been happening for a while now (could just be to save battery life) - I’m not looking into this much

I haven’t said anything to him about no4 as it only happened last night & he went off to work this morning.

Do I say something when he gets back from work or do I just leave it?

OP posts:
Specso · 14/08/2023 09:25

It does sound a bit suspicious to be honest.

If he’s up to something he’ll just delete messages and call history as he goes along so they’ll never be anything for you to find if you look at his phone.

If you confront him he’ll just deny it.

Specso · 14/08/2023 09:27

You’re better off not letting him know you’re suspicious and just watching a lot more closely. Once he thinks you’re onto him he’ll just be even more careful if he is up to something.

lyralycra · 14/08/2023 09:56

The shaving sounds suspicious.

The change in behaviour sounds odd but not necessarily suspicious. Did he openly masturbate in front of you?

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 09:58

lyralycra · 14/08/2023 09:56

The shaving sounds suspicious.

The change in behaviour sounds odd but not necessarily suspicious. Did he openly masturbate in front of you?

yes he did. Under the duvet while stroking my leg, I was in complete shock & don’t know what to make of it.
spoke to him about it and he said he was just in the mood & did it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 09:59

Specso · 14/08/2023 09:27

You’re better off not letting him know you’re suspicious and just watching a lot more closely. Once he thinks you’re onto him he’ll just be even more careful if he is up to something.

I’m a type of person that shows how they’re feeling, so I’m really struggling to hold it in. My gut instinct is telling me he’s cheating but I have no solid proof!

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 14/08/2023 10:05

All of them together I would also be looking at affair, I'm so sorry OP.

What phone does he have? It could have a secret space or secure folder where he's messaging from.

Specso · 14/08/2023 10:23

lyralycra · 14/08/2023 09:56

The shaving sounds suspicious.

The change in behaviour sounds odd but not necessarily suspicious. Did he openly masturbate in front of you?

My friend found out her husband was cheating and a few months before finding out he’d asked HER to shave down there.

She thought it was odd at the time as he’d never mentioned it before but didn’t think too much of it. Now looking back she assumes ow was shaved down there 🙄 It really is so pathetic and predictable.

Op, you could talk to him about your suspicions if you want but he’s very unlikely to admit anything. Just don’t spend months driving yourself mad with suspicion. If your gut instinct is strong and you feel like you don’t trust him 100% then start thinking about your life and your options. It’s not worth it to stay in a relationship where you’re not feeling secure and constantly anxious.

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 10:23

CombatBarbie · 14/08/2023 10:05

All of them together I would also be looking at affair, I'm so sorry OP.

What phone does he have? It could have a secret space or secure folder where he's messaging from.

He has a iPhone

OP posts:
lyralycra · 14/08/2023 10:40

There's bound to be a change in behaviour if he's cheating. It might have made him more bold in the bedroom. You need to find out what he was smirking at when he was texting.

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 11:23

lyralycra · 14/08/2023 10:40

There's bound to be a change in behaviour if he's cheating. It might have made him more bold in the bedroom. You need to find out what he was smirking at when he was texting.

How do I do that without directly asking him? He’s obviously not going to tell me the truth. That’s what I’m struggling with how do I find out

OP posts:
Callyem · 14/08/2023 11:26

Is he techy? His messages might save to 'the cloud'. I know nothing about it all but others on here might.

It does sound like he is cheating and covering his tracks. Maybe a wider conversation about your relationship and sex could give you more information?

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 11:33

Callyem · 14/08/2023 11:26

Is he techy? His messages might save to 'the cloud'. I know nothing about it all but others on here might.

It does sound like he is cheating and covering his tracks. Maybe a wider conversation about your relationship and sex could give you more information?

He’s not very techy, but he knows the basics. How do I check for messages in the ‘cloud’. I’m completely clueless

OP posts:
longwayoff · 14/08/2023 11:42

I've been using the internet for 20 years or so, across many devices. I have never had a pop up porn site "appear" on any of them. It seems to happen to men quite a lot though. Why is that? Whatever can it be?

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 11:57

longwayoff · 14/08/2023 11:42

I've been using the internet for 20 years or so, across many devices. I have never had a pop up porn site "appear" on any of them. It seems to happen to men quite a lot though. Why is that? Whatever can it be?

Exactly! He clearly thinks I’m stupid and I believe what he’s saying. I really don’t believe him! It’s never appeared on my screen either, wonder why it’s only on his screen!

OP posts:
longwayoff · 14/08/2023 12:02

Wish you everything good OP but prepare yourself for the worst. Sorry this us happening to you.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 14/08/2023 12:03

Porn sites and having a wank whilst next to you don't ring cheating alarm bells to me (although the wank is bloody weird! I can't even imagine what context this happened in)

The smirking at his phone and closing down apps do though.

Do you have shared finances? Can you check statements for unusual activity? Maybe there's an OF situation going on

lyralycra · 14/08/2023 12:10

Maybe he was messaging via a website or an app? In which case, there wouldn't be any trace in his email or WhatsApp.

If you can access his phone then you could check his browser history, I suppose.

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 12:24

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 14/08/2023 12:03

Porn sites and having a wank whilst next to you don't ring cheating alarm bells to me (although the wank is bloody weird! I can't even imagine what context this happened in)

The smirking at his phone and closing down apps do though.

Do you have shared finances? Can you check statements for unusual activity? Maybe there's an OF situation going on

We have joint accounts and in my knowledge he doesn’t have any other accounts. Finances have been okay and I haven suspected anything.

literally for me the wank is the most disturbing thing. 15years of marriage, dated 3years prior to this and he’s NEVER done this.

OP posts:
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 14/08/2023 12:25

@Mummytoofour were you in bed? Did he think you were asleep?

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 12:27

lyralycra · 14/08/2023 12:10

Maybe he was messaging via a website or an app? In which case, there wouldn't be any trace in his email or WhatsApp.

If you can access his phone then you could check his browser history, I suppose.

I didn’t even think of this, thank you.
I’m going to check later today when he’s back from work. If he’s deleted browser history then I can only presume cheating here, he can’t be deleting browser history for no reason too unless he has something to hide.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 12:27

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 14/08/2023 12:25

@Mummytoofour were you in bed? Did he think you were asleep?

yes in bed & he knew I was 100% awake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 12:35

Also another thing I’ve noticed for a few weeks now, he used to always call me during his lunch break. That doesn’t happen anymore!

OP posts:
mammy2018 · 14/08/2023 13:04

If you know his phone network and the details log in online to check his bill. It's how I found proof of cheating with an ex. I saw the OW number with how many texts per day and calls. Searched the number on WhatsApp to confirm it was definitely OW. On apple there is also a recently deleted folder on texts/photos. Also if you have another apple device ie iPad log into his iCloud (if you know the details and also have his phone on you as it sometimes wants to phone to provide a code to log in) and his iMessages and call log should come through to that device. Have a look on his AppStore for recently downloaded apps or deleted apps; for example if you searched tinder on it and it had a cloud icon instead of a download button it means it's been previously downloaded on his phone.

In my experience confrontation doesn't help until you have proof, it will make him defensive and more likely to destroy any evidence leaving you feeling worse.
Try and get some evidence, hopefully he hasn't and maybe this is a burst of libido.

I'm really sorry your feeling this way and I really do hope cheating isn't the case.

firstmummy2019 · 14/08/2023 14:21

There is a way of checking deleted messages on iphone if he has the newest version of ios installed. Tap on the edit button on the top left corner of the messages page. There you can retrieve all deleted messages from the last 30 days.

Original poster
Mummytoofour · 14/08/2023 14:35

firstmummy2019 · 14/08/2023 14:21

There is a way of checking deleted messages on iphone if he has the newest version of ios installed. Tap on the edit button on the top left corner of the messages page. There you can retrieve all deleted messages from the last 30 days.

Thank you I will check this later on if it is what he’s been using to message. I wasn’t aware of this so it’s good to know.

OP posts:
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