Could he be cheating?

[Mummytoofour]

I’ve put a couple of post on here recently as my husband seems to be acting very suspicious or is this me over thinking?

1. on 2 occasions recently I saw porn sites open on his phone (he claimed they were pop ups)

2. he shaved around his penis

3. he masturbated for the first time in our 15year marriage near me a few days ago (I don’t know if he does it when he’s alone)

4. he was texting away last night with a smirk on his face but now I can’t find anything (no email, text, social media messages) what could he have been doing?

5. he always closes all his apps on his phone (this has been happening for a while now (could just be to save battery life) - I’m not looking into this much

I haven’t said anything to him about no4 as it only happened last night & he went off to work this morning.

Do I say something when he gets back from work or do I just leave it?

@Mummytoofour on an iPhone go to settings, screen time, tap on a day and you can see what things they have been using a lot. (Although not the sites as it will just show safari) if there are apps there though you don't know he uses- they will show up- for instance if it shows WhatsApp for 40 mins a day (and you can see the times on a graph) and there's nothing in his WhatsApp history- he is deleting.

He might delete the messages from ‘recently deleted’ straight after deleting the actual message.

They can be very good at covering their tracks.

From experience it sounds like he’s cheating and like others have said, there is absolutely no point confronting until you have solid proof. It took me a long time and a lot of detective work to eventually find out. Does he have his own car? Check that for evidence. Also search the whole phone by swiping right to get to the search page. That way search for all sorts of things. Maybe a voice recorder in his car. Also check all bank statements and phone records. You could also download his WhatsApp to an iPad - I once caught DH out this way. Oh but silly me took him back so that he could really do one over on me!

Hidden folders in photos on an iPhone.
Go into passwords and you can see all the sites he has saved the password for. So look for only fans/date sites etc. Also browser history. Instagram messages too. Practice getting into each area on your phone so you are super speedy.
Voice recorder - in the car.

Yes people say marriage is over etc but you may as well know the truth. And yes it sounds like he is cheating - sorry op.

Wow you guys have been amazing at letting me know how to do all these searches otherwise I really wouldn’t know.
Im hoping to play detective tonight.

what sort of dating sites am I looking out for?

no he doesn’t have his own car. If he’s cheating it would be extremely difficult for him to meet her, he’s not much of a driver. He goes to work & sometimes I pick him up from there, else he gets a taxi back which is logged on our account. Also I have all his work rota schedules so I know when & where he should be.

But he could be chatting to someone online and may eventually go and meet her, in recent weeks there’s no way he’s been anywhere that I haven’t too or he’s been at work.

let’s see what I find

I’m sorry to hear you took him back for a second chance. Once a cheat always a cheat! DH can sling his hook if he has cheated.

If you start a text message & enter a . it comes up with most frequently messaged. Also archive folders in WhatsApp & messenger

That said when my ex was cheating with multiple women there was no evidence! Just a horrid gut feeling

It’s a horrible feeling isn’t it, sorry you had to go through this.

If you start a text message & enter a . it comes up with most frequently messaged.
where do I enter a . ?

Sorry you are going through this OP. It is horrible

And remember if you do t find anything but you are unhappy then that is fine (and enough) to call it a day.

Work colleague, online stranger (lots of romance scams about too), old school friend. Lots of options to cheat. But remember you didn’t cause it - you cannot force anyone to betray their own morals and values regardless of the state of your relationship. It’s why it’s often only one person in a marriage that cheats.

Does he use Google maps as a satnav? Or even have the App on his phone at all?
Check his timeline on there if you get the chance.
Make an excuse to use his phone.

Don't let on at all that you are suspicious. I know that will be hard.
He will be on guard.

I believe he does have google maps on his phone for navigation on occasion if he drives.

How do I check timeline?

sorry this all may sound quiet simple for some but I’m not techy at all so I’m clueless.

Thank you for this, I always think maybe if he has cheated it will be my fault. I probably stress him out or nag him so he’s decided to go elsewhere.

But everyone’s within their right to walk away from a relationship and call it a day, cheating isn’t the only way!

They want to be able to be in control and do as they wish!

Sounds suspicious

If someone was keeping an eye on my shaving and masturbating habits I'd think they were fucking strange and I'd probably run a mile.
Haven't read the full thread so my reply is simply from
Your first post.

On iphone there’s “screentime” and people don’t realise it exposes EVERYTHING

Saying that the closing down of tabs and smirking at the phone is weird. Although I often smirk at the phone if I've watched a funny video or received a funny message.

Yes but smirking at your phone when your typing away?

I checked his phone this morning there were no text messages/WhatsApp messages/emails sent yesterday evening. So just seems abit weird that he was smirking while typing away but I found nothing.

Also from your previous message I’m not some weirdo that keeps an eye on his shaving or masturbation but when you’ve been married for 15years and they never done it and then out of the blue he shaves down there one week and a few days later he’s masturbating right next to me, I find it very strange!

im asking if this is normal as I’ve not experience it before.

In the To section, just type .

That behaviour could very much point to escalating porn use rather than an actual affair with an individual. He may be hoping for that of course. But it sounds like "online" cheating from my bitter experience. I'd be looking for porn/cam /singles sites etc. Sorry OP it's the worst feeling

Good Evening All, so he got back and actually left his phone indoors and spent over a hour in the garden with the kids, at which point I had my opportunity to check. I couldn’t find nothing, nothing at all.
searched the messages with . , it was a couple of family members & me.
internet search from last night and previous was all there too.
checked WhatsApp messages, recently deleted (although there wasn’t any), social media, emails again

I was in the kitchen and he came up behind me and asked what I was doing in his phone (I basically got caught) and I told him straight! It just blurted out I couldn’t help it I’ve been so annoyed with him.
he’s saying he messaged someone about a iptv line last night and the guy was being abit arsey. He showed me the message and that was in telegram!
he said I have no reason to cheat I’ve got my family & im happy.
he went on to say he does recently feel abit low on moods on & off and would like to speak to a therapist at some point.

so that’s all I have to share for now, if anything changes in his behaviour I will be sure to be back for advice. You’ve all been very helpful which I really appreciate 😘

Glad to hear this. Good luck

Did you know he used Telegram, OP?

Yeah I knew but had completely forgotten about it because I don’t use it myself. He uses it for IPTV lines so communicates with them on there. I knew this and had genuinely forgotten about the app.