Husband falls asleep constantly - help me

[Gruffalocrumble1]

Hi,

I’m just after a bit of help.

My husband cannot keep his eyes open. The moment he sits down anywhere he falls asleep, including 10 minute car journeys. But it’s even worse in that he goes back to bed during the day to sleep because he’s so tired. This happens on weekdays (he has a flexible job where hours can be done at any time) - he’ll drop kids at nursery then come home and go straight back to bed for the whole morning.

This has also started to creep into weekends, which is more annoying because it’s time when the kids are at home. It’s actually physically painful trying to get him going in a morning to get out with me and the kids, he’s so slow at coming round and getting ready. I’m not sure what time he’d make it out of the house if I didn’t pester! He’s also started needing to go off upstairs for a nap because he’s falling asleep sat there reading to the kids.

Bearing in mind that I do all night wake ups for both children every night. He gets a full nights sleep and the kids don’t usually wake up until 8am.

He asked this afternoon to go for a quick nap and I said no, this behaviour isn’t normal and I’ve had enough. You need to get yourself to the GP again to find out what’s causing it. He’s got annoyed with me asking me why it bothers me so much? That it’s the weekend and lots of people like to have a nap.

I’m struggling to calmly articulate why this annoys me, can anyone help pin down the feeling?

I’ve got: it leaves me as the default parent all the time because he’s just checking out and falling asleep randomly? It makes me feel boring and that he doesn’t like my company? It’s lonely for me? It’s unattractive and gives me the ick? I can’t live the rest of my life with a man who falls asleep at the drop of a hat? It’s like having a teenager for a husband that I have to nag to get out of bed?

I think it’s worse because he won’t fall asleep if he goes out with friends/if we have company at the house. It’s just when it’s me and the kids, or if my mum if visiting. He’s not lazy in terms of the kids or the house, he does do household chores and gets up with us in a morning/takes kids out on his own sometimes to give me a break.

Totally understand how you feel. It's very irritating when mine asks how my day was and he then falls asleep before I get a chance to answer. I refuse to get in the car with him. Going out for a meal is just the same. He tries to stay awake but I can see him beginning to fall asleep and this ruins the evening.

I'm struggling to get mine to see the GP.

Definitely a doctors appointment for your DH just to rule out there isn’t a health problem. That doesn’t sound right.

Sorry you’re having the same issue! Have you had any thoughts on what it might be?

mine doesn’t snore so don’t think it can be sleep apnoea, maybe diabetes?

Definitely get him to see the g.p. My other half used to do this and upon investigation found he had a heart problem.

GP appointment necessary

Gp, this could very easily be a health problem. A healthy adult shouldn't be needing to nap throughout the day

Is he quite overweight?

This sounds like hypersomnia (look up on NHS website) the most likely cause is sleep apnoea which isn’t always accompanied by snoring.

Losing weight, exercising and reducing alcohol will help.

Other causes could be certain medications, post viral fatigue or chronic fatigue after an illness or depression.

He could be anaemic which can be investigated tòo.

A good start is to stick to a good sleep routine at night and avoiding too many carb heavy meals, try a vitamin supplement ?
Keep a diary of sleep habits for gp- and triggers for daytime sleepiness.

He needs to acknowledge how this is impacting his family and make efforts to tackle possible causes.

My dh used to be like this, he was referred for sleep studies and turned out to have severe sleep apnea. He now has a cpap machine and sleeps much better. He can still be tired but nothing like it used to be! Definitely worth a trip to the GP.

So appointment ... my husband does this and has heart failure, not saying that this is what your husband has but definitely need to get checked out. Another thing might be low iron, my husband is now taking this but not seen any improvement yet.

Sounds like a health issue, heart problems or diabetes for example.

Doctor 100% - it’s not normal.

Ex had this and was diabetic - his blood sugar was through the roof.

I'd definitely get him to the gap for a check up to rule out any problems.

Interesting that he can stop himself doing it when out with other people.

I used to fall asleep randomly - turned out I had coeliac disease

Doesn't sound normal unless he's having really poor quality sleep. He must need it if he can't keep his eyes open. Yes he should see a doctor.

It might be worth getting his thyroid checked

High blood sugar, thyroid, heart issues. He needs to be checked out. I went to the doctor recently with the same problem. She was useless . Fortunately I’ve been feeling better recently but I’m shocked she doesn’t care.

I think it’s worse because he won’t fall asleep if he goes out with friends/if we have company at the house

So he can stay awake for other people, but not you. That's a pretty selective "health problem" which is no doubt what GP will say if/when he visits.

One word - depression. He needs a full health check physical and mental.

I was the one who fell asleep like that.
It took me years to get a diagnosis because ‘nothing was showing up in blood tests’.
I have ME and had to first go part time with work, then stop work entirely - all because I kept pushing myself.

If your DH is falling asleep in a 10 mins car trip, he is not faking it. He is exhausted and can’t push himself more than he is. However crap it is for you.
He needs to go back to see his GP. Check iron levels, vitB12,D p, thyroid etc… ask about ME and long covid if he’s had covid if nothing obvious is coming out.
Because I’m going to say he is ILL.

I think it’s worse because he won’t fall asleep if he goes out with friends/if we have company at the house.

I used to look after my two young dcs (2 and 4yo at the time). No way I would have been able to fall asleep and have a nap with them around. But as soon as I would sit down, let’s say to play with my 2 yo, I could feel my eyes closing and me dropping off.
Would I have seen friends and stayed awake? Yes.
Because I was refusing to acknowledge I was ill. I felt I had to do that. Etc…
The only time i felt i could stop was when DH was around and i could have a nap. Or rather I was allowing myself to have a nap despite being utterly exhausted all the rest of the time. (Well I had no choice either…)

It’s not always depression. It’s not always lazyness. Far from

Sleep apnea can cause this (and despite the stereotype you don't have to be overweight or snoring loudly to suffer from it).

I don't blame you for being frustrated and annoyed. Healthy people who are getting adequate sleep at night shouldn't be falling asleep every time they sit down for a few minutes. Insist on a GP appointment; explain that you are worried about him and you can't continue on like this.

He does need to see his GP to rule out physical causes. Is he different on holiday? Could just be that he's one of those people who need to nap?

Has he acknowledged that there's a problem, and that this leaves you in a position of having to parent alone even when he's around? Is he respectful or dismissive of your position?

Does he drive? That could be dangerous if he’s falling asleep on 10 minute journeys as a passenger 😧