Husband falls asleep constantly - help me

[Gruffalocrumble1]

Hi,

I’m just after a bit of help.

My husband cannot keep his eyes open. The moment he sits down anywhere he falls asleep, including 10 minute car journeys. But it’s even worse in that he goes back to bed during the day to sleep because he’s so tired. This happens on weekdays (he has a flexible job where hours can be done at any time) - he’ll drop kids at nursery then come home and go straight back to bed for the whole morning.

This has also started to creep into weekends, which is more annoying because it’s time when the kids are at home. It’s actually physically painful trying to get him going in a morning to get out with me and the kids, he’s so slow at coming round and getting ready. I’m not sure what time he’d make it out of the house if I didn’t pester! He’s also started needing to go off upstairs for a nap because he’s falling asleep sat there reading to the kids.

Bearing in mind that I do all night wake ups for both children every night. He gets a full nights sleep and the kids don’t usually wake up until 8am.

He asked this afternoon to go for a quick nap and I said no, this behaviour isn’t normal and I’ve had enough. You need to get yourself to the GP again to find out what’s causing it. He’s got annoyed with me asking me why it bothers me so much? That it’s the weekend and lots of people like to have a nap.

I’m struggling to calmly articulate why this annoys me, can anyone help pin down the feeling?

I’ve got: it leaves me as the default parent all the time because he’s just checking out and falling asleep randomly? It makes me feel boring and that he doesn’t like my company? It’s lonely for me? It’s unattractive and gives me the ick? I can’t live the rest of my life with a man who falls asleep at the drop of a hat? It’s like having a teenager for a husband that I have to nag to get out of bed?

I think it’s worse because he won’t fall asleep if he goes out with friends/if we have company at the house. It’s just when it’s me and the kids, or if my mum if visiting. He’s not lazy in terms of the kids or the house, he does do household chores and gets up with us in a morning/takes kids out on his own sometimes to give me a break.

I think you're being a bit unfair to him. It gives you the "ick"? It sounds like a health issue to me. Would any health issue in your husband give you the ick? I agree he needs to go to the GP, but I don't think getting annoyed with him is going to help encourage him to go.

Maybe I'm biased because I have a similar issue. I sleep a lot, and take a lot of naps. I've been like it most of my life, but I also have anxiety and depression. However, I also don't fall asleep when I'm at work or out with friends. It's because I'm less relaxed then than I am at home/in the car. Unless you've got narcolepsy, usually you have some control over when you fall asleep. But your husband must be exhausted if he's falling asleep during a 10 minute car ride. I really don't think it's his fault. He's not just being lazy.

It's understandable to be worried about him, and you probably need to sit him down and explain that, and that you really think he ought to see a doctor. But I don't think denying him naps or getting annoyed at him is going to help.

My ex was like this. But he was 100% just a lazy dipshit. Would fall asleep on the sofa after work while I cooked dinner. Baring in mind he worked considerably less hours than me. I would wake him to eat then he’d sleep again. I’d wake him to shower. He often wouldn’t. Then it was his ‘me’ time on the Xbox for the rest of the night 🙄 I actually can’t believe how long I tolerated that for

I’d feel annoyed if he was sleeping in til lunchtime every week day, particularly as he seems to be doing nothing himself to investigate the issue or making any changes.

This has also started to creep into weekends, which is more annoying because it’s time when the kids are at home. It’s actually physically painful trying to get him going in a morning to get out with me and the kids, he’s so slow at coming round and getting ready. I’m not sure what time he’d make it out of the house if I didn’t pester! He’s also started needing to go off upstairs for a nap because he’s falling asleep sat there reading to the kids.

You got it OP; he's a lazy, selfish twat. Tell him to buck up or fuck off.

Get him to go to the GP.
I've had this for years I can fall asleep anywhere.
I don't remember the last time I've sat and watched a whole programme from start to finish.
I had some blood tests done and they said an iron deficiency causing me to be so sleepy.
I started taking a high dose of iron and the sleepiness seemed to disappear for a while. But recently the sleepiness has returned and I can't function properly again.

Went back to the GP and now I need more tests because my iron levels are showing has low again even though I'm taking the high dose iron.

It's not normal, especially when you have kids who need to be parented. You have every right to be frustrated. Plus, if it is a health issue, it could progress if he doesn't tackle it. Sleep apnea can cause brain damage. He needs to get checked out.

My husband does this.

But he also has kidney failure and is on dialysis.

So he gets a break.

Yours needs to see a GP or a divorce solicitor.

This sound similar to my partner (although perhaps a little more extreme) and he was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Apparently excessive daytime sleepiness can be a symptom - although not one I’d ever heard of before.

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for all your replies, sorry I’m late getting back here.

This has all been really interesting and has definitely made me rethink the issue! Reading your replies I’m pretty sure this is now a medical issue. I’ve done some googling of the different bits you’ve mentioned and it could be a few different things, the only people haven’t mentioned is narcolepsy. I’m wondering if it’s that because he literally cannot snap out of the sleepiness once it’s started, he has to go to sleep?

I sat down and talked to him about it last night, explaining it’s not normal. He scores 18 on the Epworth Sleepiness Scale which is a very high abnormal result - this helped convince him that it’s not normal. He’s rung the doctors this morning and has an appointment in two weeks time (non-urgent issue so they haven’t prioritised it, fair enough).

At least there’s something in the diary now!

Great news op!

Excellent!
Thats a great outcome. I Hope his GP can get to the bottom of it.

I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome ( which I find worse than the fibro) GP needs to check all bloods including Thyroid, B12 and Vitamin D.
NHS blood tests don’t do all the thyroid checks, usually just TSH. Look online at Blue Horizon and Medichecks blood tests as they test T4, T3 and reverse T3.
Hope your DH gets some answers. Don’t let him be fobbed off with anti depressants without full blood test first ( very common action for people presenting with CFS)

My husband was like that and it was found his thyroid was very under active. He's just discovered he has pre diabetes too as he was feeling his thyroxine wasn't enough.

I feel for you OP. My husband was like this. Couldn't watch tv, go to the theatre or movies. I worried constantly about him driving. I set an alarm on my phone to call him when he travelled on the twin because I knew he'd fall asleep and miss his stop (London to the north of England). He wouldn't do it because it would mean admitting there was a problem. We did virtually nothing at weekends for years. When my son was 10 we used to go to the first chowing at the cinema every weekend. We had fun. But it really wasn't the life we should have been enjoying.

Anyway my husband caught double pneumonia on a plane trip. He was hospitalised and the coughing kept him awake. He couldn't sleep. They wouldn't give him sleeping pills because they thought his body wouldn't wake him during his periods of not breathing. He was eventually sent to a sleep clinic. He was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. He has a cpap machine now. It's been 10 years. It's changed our lives. He will barely acknowledge
Life could have been different years ago if he's gone to the doctor when we asked.

I won't go so far as to say it ruined our lives. But it certainly had a very significant effect.

Wishing you and your husband the best of luck.

This is a health problem. Any past use of cocaine ?

@H112 no, no past drug use at all.

@Isthiscorrect All of this resonates so much. It affects our daily lives a lot because I never know when there’s going to be an interruption for a nap! I’m also worried about him driving. I don’t let him drive when we have the kids in the car anymore, just in case. I’m really pleased your husband got sorted in the end.

Iv’e popped out and bought some of the glucose urine test strips for the pharmacy. He’s going to do one of those later just to see if it’s anything as clear cut as that. I’ll still make sure he insists on glucose blood work at the GP though.

I’m exactly like your husband, except I’m not working.
I hope I don’t give my partner the ick as you say.

I feel bad enough I’m constantly exhausted.

He needs to go to see his gp ASAP. Get full bloods in bio and haemo. Hope he is ok OP.

Yes, it's called hyperfocusing and it's very normal for those with depression or similar issues

Mine also falls asleep all the time when it’s just us and it really annoys me. It makes me feel lonely and fed up. We sit down to watch a film or something together but there’s no togetherness, just him nodding off and me feeling crap. But he still expects me to be up for it when it’s bedtime 🙄

@Hereforthebubbles I hear you! Mine does this. Contributes nothing all evening, snores on the sofa then expects me to be up for it. Grrr !!

OP hope you get it sorted.