Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Splitting the bill

37 replies

Sara1003 · 13/08/2023 13:59

I have been seeing this guy who is nearly 50. He earns 3 times my salary. He always makes sure we pay even amounts but this sometimes ends up as me paying more. For example he will pay for dinner but I have to pay for 2 lunches to make it up. We recently went away in a tent and he asked for half the petrol. I always drive to his and never ask for this plus sometimes I treat friends and don’t expect anything in return.
Should I be wary of this or am I being unfair.

OP posts:
Thebigblueballoon · 13/08/2023 14:03

Does he actually state that you’ll have to pay for two lunches if he grabs the dinner bill? Does he ever treat you, and vice versa? Doesn’t sound like a very attractive set-up to be honest.

Forgoodnesssakewhatnow · 13/08/2023 14:03

I am staunchly in favour of paying your own way on dates. (I got a bit of a hammering on the thread about the woman who paid for an expensive meal because of crossed wires).

But this is miserly and penny pinching. Asking for petrol money when you earn 3x the salary - no thanks. He sounds like he’s going to be a nuisance further down the line.

Shirtella · 13/08/2023 14:04

Going Dutch is fair enough in a new relationship. Just be careful that you are only covering your own costs and not his.

He does sound a bit tight though.

Original poster
Sara1003 · 13/08/2023 14:27

Thanks, much appreciate your comments

OP posts:
PurpleSteak · 13/08/2023 14:32

With all the people I spend any time with, the discussion is much more likely to be "no let me" than "it's your turn".

Of course people do keep a kind of subconscious tally and we generally know "John got the coffees last time, I must make sure I get them today" and people do notice if someone is particularly reticent, but as a whole no one's trying to get one over and no one minds much if it doesn't work out exactly.

I can't see anything attractive in a man like this.

frozendaisy · 13/08/2023 14:35

Screw this OP
Yes I agree paying your way is one thing but someone paying for dinner then saying you "owe" two lunches WTactualF. I would say, not really if you want it to be like this I owe you one similarly priced dinner. Be as nit picky and arsey as he is.

Actually just don't see him again.

This shouts "I think all women are gold-diggers but my cock won't sick itself" to me

frozendaisy · 13/08/2023 14:36

Suck

Trenda · 13/08/2023 14:38

Nope - not on to expect you to pay more in the guise of you both being equal.

As you have had several meals out with him I would move to paying your half exact to the penny. No more buying lunch twice to 'make up' for the deficit .
But I would be watching him to see what other scheme he has to get money out of me . I bet he has other tricks up his sleeve.

PurpleSteak · 13/08/2023 14:40

If you're going to split the bill, why not split the bill? I was out with a man last night. I'd got a spare ticket for something and invited him. For dinner he bought the wine as a thank you for the ticket and we split the food equally. All straightforward and no tally to be kept on who's paying for lunch next time.

Changedname23 · 13/08/2023 14:42

This would be a deal breaker for me. I'm all in favour of paying my own way but not to this extreme

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 13/08/2023 14:43

Stop driving to his house and see how much effort he makes to see you.

category12 · 13/08/2023 14:47

It sounds a bit tight, depends on his demeanour/attitude about it a bit. It should be a more casual and trusting feeling than a regimented who pays what.

I wouldn't expect him to chip in to pay your petrol to visit him - but why isn't he making the effort to come to you sometimes?

StarPotential · 13/08/2023 14:47

I have never in my life asked for petrol money from someone. That is really tight when he earns a lot more than you.

PurpleSteak · 13/08/2023 14:50

StarPotential · 13/08/2023 14:47

I have never in my life asked for petrol money from someone. That is really tight when he earns a lot more than you.

Me neither, wouldn't dream of it. For a very long journey most people I know would offer, as I would and we'd come to some arrangement, but generally there's an unspoken rule that the passenger pays for parking or coffee.

surreygirl1987 · 13/08/2023 15:10

I'd find this very unattractive. I always pay my own way but this is not equal at all.

Daleksatemyshed · 13/08/2023 15:10

I'd chuck this one back Op, it's fine to both pay your way but he's taking it a bit too far. It's one thing to take turns paying but he's telling you it's your turn as if you'll try and get out of it, that's just rude. If you lived together would he expect you to pay 50% of everything even though that left him with a decent sum and you with nothing?

Autumntimeagain · 13/08/2023 15:12

Nope, you need to ditch him OP.

He's making 1000% sure that it's YOU who is 'out of pocket' rather than being 'fair' !

Next he'll be insisting that it's only fair if you also bring the food as well as travelling to his place, because HE'S having to pay the heating bill and run the dishwasher ffs !

Could you just imagine how fucking miserable it would be for you to have to constantly be on your guard so he doesn't 'rip you off' ?

What would he be 'willing' to spend on a holiday ? He sounds the type to pay for himself to go first class, yet see nothing wrong in doing so knowing full well that you couldn't afford that !

Imagine living with him, and the horrendous fucking scrutinization of EVERY single receipt to double check he's not accidentally paying for half of your toothpaste ? Of him turning off the heating when HE'S not home to benefit from it ?
Or him telling you that he won't be paying any more than exactly 50% of ANY expense/bill, regardless of the pay disparity ?

Fuck no.

NutellaNut · 13/08/2023 15:44

Going halves is fair enough, especially in a new relationship, but he sounds like a penny-pinching skinflint, especially as he earns considerably more. Not an attractive quality. As others have said, it doesn’t bode well for the future if the relationship progresses. It would put me right off.

ConstitutionHill · 13/08/2023 15:51

This shouts "I think all women are gold-diggers but my cock won't suck itself"

Love this take on it. Straight out of the Andrew Tate playbook Grin

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 13/08/2023 15:56

frozendaisy · 13/08/2023 14:35

Screw this OP
Yes I agree paying your way is one thing but someone paying for dinner then saying you "owe" two lunches WTactualF. I would say, not really if you want it to be like this I owe you one similarly priced dinner. Be as nit picky and arsey as he is.

Actually just don't see him again.

This shouts "I think all women are gold-diggers but my cock won't sick itself" to me

Yep, all of this.

If you must continue seeing him (why???) then ask for separate checks at every restaurant.

inloveandmarried · 13/08/2023 15:58

He's tight with money. Just don't get in too deep because if you were ever to rely on him he'd charge you.

It wouldn't be a loving and giving relationship. Doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.

I'd walk away asap to be honest. Meanness is not an attractive trait.

Pinkbonbon · 13/08/2023 16:06

In the bin with him.

Honestly if someone earned 3 times my salary I'd expect them to pay more than me on the dates.

Like they cover the restaurant food, I pay the coffee and he pays the cinema ticket, I bring in juice and snacks for us. Ect...

Dunno how a self respecting man could form the words to ask for petrol money.

Cowlover89 · 13/08/2023 16:08

Sounds like a tight arse. Bin him

AllGrownUpp · 13/08/2023 16:13

I’d prefer to pay my half/share each time I went out rather than take turns.

hattie43 · 13/08/2023 16:15

As someone else said meanness is a very unattractive quality . Can you imagine living with someone like that having to get the calculator out to work out the grocery bill or electric etc etc . Nope is a non starter to me

Swipe left for the next trending thread