Crush that crush

[candyflossnursem]

A couple of days ago I posted about a crush I felt I needed to really put a stop to. A helpful response came back all about limerence and after doing more research, it all rung very true. My general wellbeing often depends on this person's interactions with me and now I've had enough. I have a great family and a lovely life I need to refocus on.

My first steps have been to block on all messaging and social media services. Does anyone have any more tips? My worry is he will notice this sudden change and will ask about it (he does very occasionally bump into me IRL) I honestly don't know what I'd say if that happened.

Well why did you block him then if you're gonna bump into him? Because noway would any of us advise a crush confession! Blocking is if you're never seeing them IRL again. I don't know what your old thread was.

If your other thread was the one about cancelling meeting up then I'd just say that, on reflection, you felt that arranging to meet was overstepping a boundary and you didn't want to give the wrong impression.

My other thread was just asking advice about an illogical crush on a guy who I can probably avoid running into on the most part. We may just cross paths every couple of months accidentally due to working not too far from one another.

I just wondered if there were any more tips on getting over a crush and perhaps what to do if it was unavoidable to bump into him at some point.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4869629-its-just-a-massive-crush

Focus on your couple and your family. Go out with your husband, restaurants, weekends away... Spend quality time together.

Ahh, sorry OP. I was thinking of the wrong thread. There's been a couple of posts recently about having crushes when they are not free to pursue them.

I agree about doing more with your family. Keep occupied. When thoughts of Crush Person gets in your head, distract yourself.

I don't think it makes the crush feelings go away any quicker but it helps put it into perspective and you'll find you're thinking about them less and less.

Thanks everyone. I'm beginning to think blocking was the wrong way to go about it, I'm so worried he's going to reach out somehow and ask why I've blocked him. I just won't know what to say.

Blocking him was not a bad idea but in your situation it might be embarrassing. You'd rather drastically cut down on SM and be more invested in your everyday life and your family. Spend time rebuilding your relationship with your husband too. I remember your first thread and don't remember if you talked about your husband so I hope I'm not making a mistake.

If blocking helps you, let him stay blocked. He may not notice. He probably won’t ask. Remember you don’t owe him explanations. If he asks, in your shoes I would probably just act a bit as if I didn’t realise I had blocked him and leave it at that.

Remember also that it’s natural to occasionally feel attracted to other people when you’re in a long-term relationship. The vow to forsake all others wouldn’t be necessary if we magically ceased to notice everyone else simply because we had settled down.

The point of commitment is recognising that our relationship with our long-term partner and our love for them is more important than passing attractions to other people. This other guy has the advantage of being shiny and new in comparison to your DH. If you were married to the other guy, it would be your DH who looked shiny and new. But what you have with your DH which you don’t have with Mr Crush is years of a successful and contented relationship (I assume) - a relationship you know works well. And a relationship you clearly value and intend to nurture. The crush is nothing compared to that.

Really appreciate the kindness I've had from everyone. If he did happen to ask, how would you approach it? Is it definitely 100% the wrong thing to be like 'because I've been mad obsessed with you for 4 years and I need to get on with my life instead of looking for positive affirmations from you?'...or you know, something along those lines...