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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To not want flowers!

61 replies

ChantillyCream · 12/08/2023 16:27

Does anyone else find big bouquets of flowers a pain in the bum? For recent events (birthdays, anniversaries etc) my husband has stopped buying gifts and instead buys a big over-the-top bouquet. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but he works next to a florist so he just picks it up on the way home. Job done, box ticked.

I end up with this massive bunch of flowers, which although look lovely, it's then up to me to to cut the stems, find an appropriate vase, remember to change or top up the water, pick up the petals as they drop, dispose of the dead plants in the compost a week or two later. We are also currently renovating our house so have limited space and a very small dining table for the five of us, and every meal or when the kids want to do colouring etc the vase has to get moved out the way onto the floor. I just find it a big hassle.

They're also pretty expensive and I'd just rather the money was spent on something else. Is it just me or am I being ungrateful?

OP posts:
Theoldwoman · 12/08/2023 16:34

You are being ungrateful.

cuckyplunt · 12/08/2023 16:36

I always send them in a vase, if I take them to someone’s house I arrange them.

Fourmagpies · 12/08/2023 16:36

You're not being ungrateful. He is making minimal effort. Could you give him some ideas of what you'd like?

dikwad · 12/08/2023 16:39

I hate flowers. I think they're the naffest thing to receive. Luckily, my husband knows this and puts some effort into what he buys for me.

JibbaJab · 12/08/2023 16:43

That depends on whether its genuine thought or just a case of need to get something...I know, flowers, all women love flowers, can't go wrong with flowers.

I'll buy flowers if they actually like and want them but I wouldn't default to them. Likewise, if they don't like flowers I would rather they said.

Don't think you are being ungrateful but maybe just say you don't want them in future.

mangomama91 · 12/08/2023 16:47

Yanbu!
My husband knows I just don't like receiving flowers so he doesn't get them for me.
They look nice but so much effort to sort them all out and then they get in the way and sometimes they smell.

notsurewherenotsurewhy · 12/08/2023 16:48

I really like receiving flowers, but I have to say I've enjoyed them more from (in my history, less-serious) partners I've lived separately from, than from DP I cohabited with. In the same house, they feel more of a shared gift! And it doesn't sound like your DP's gift-giving is particularly thoughtful or generous, if you're left to tend for them.

I know that 'love languages' stuff is a bit naff, but I do find it quite useful framing for stuff like this, and why one person's "I'd honestly rather you hadn't bothered" is someone else's "I can't believe anyone could be so ungrateful". I most like acts of service, so gifts which effectively create extra work for me always rank poorly, like a sort of anti-gift. Your post reminds me a bit of that feeling, and I wonder if it resonates.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 12/08/2023 16:48

I also don't like getting flowers - they're expensive, they often have a large carbon footprint, and I have to watch them die.

My partner knows that there are any number of things I'd rather be given as a gift.

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 12/08/2023 16:48

I have terrible hay-fever and react badly to almost all flowers. Still people who know this send flowers. I open the box, take out the card and drop the flowers off at the local hospital.

I understand about the gift causing extra work and convenience,too.

Bandyarsia · 12/08/2023 16:49

HATE getting flowers! Shittiest pressie ever.

FloweryWowery · 12/08/2023 16:50

How are you being ungrateful repeatedly receiving a gift you don't want by someone who has stopped making an effort.

shivawn · 12/08/2023 16:50

I don't like getting flowers either but then I don't really like any gifts, if I want something I'll have bought it already.

Annaishere · 12/08/2023 16:58

I love flowers

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2023 17:01

ChantillyCream · 12/08/2023 16:27

Does anyone else find big bouquets of flowers a pain in the bum? For recent events (birthdays, anniversaries etc) my husband has stopped buying gifts and instead buys a big over-the-top bouquet. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but he works next to a florist so he just picks it up on the way home. Job done, box ticked.

I end up with this massive bunch of flowers, which although look lovely, it's then up to me to to cut the stems, find an appropriate vase, remember to change or top up the water, pick up the petals as they drop, dispose of the dead plants in the compost a week or two later. We are also currently renovating our house so have limited space and a very small dining table for the five of us, and every meal or when the kids want to do colouring etc the vase has to get moved out the way onto the floor. I just find it a big hassle.

They're also pretty expensive and I'd just rather the money was spent on something else. Is it just me or am I being ungrateful?

I can't ever see the point of a present the recipient doesn't really want or need.

That makes it about the giver not the receiver.

YANBU

Chasingsquirrels · 12/08/2023 17:13

Try telling him, not Mumsnet. Preferably in advance of a big occasion rather than on receipt of flowers.

Caprisunny · 12/08/2023 17:16

If I want flowers I will buy them myself. Gift flowers always feel like a massive waste of money and 2 weeks later are gone.

Does feel a bit generic and not very thoughtful.

MerryChristmasToYou · 12/08/2023 17:22

@ChantillyCream , flowers are fine, but if like me you have a birthday near Christmas, Valentine's Day and your anniversary, then it's too much and too little.
It doesn't seem like a present.

NotNowGertrude · 12/08/2023 17:58

I feel exactly the same...my heart sinks when someone enters my home with flowers

DustyLee123 · 12/08/2023 17:59

I hate cut flowers too, give me a plant for the garden instead please !

Barleysugar86 · 12/08/2023 18:02

You are not alone at all- we have a no flowers rule in my family and DH has accepted this as well. It just feels like burning money on something that will die and need throwing away in a few days. They are pleasant enough before they die but they feel like an obligation to go through the motions preparing them and then I hate having to scrub the green off the vase after they are done!

Bemyclementine · 12/08/2023 18:04

O.mg I posted this exact thing ages ago. It's just something else for me to look after. I don't mind a bunch of tulips or daffs but sod off with the bouquets.

Konfetka · 12/08/2023 18:11

Well in advance of birthdays etc decide what gift you want to receive, then tell him: "No flowers, please. This is what I want."

Mischance · 12/08/2023 18:13

There are companies that provide garden/wild type flowers that are not OTT - maybe you could direct your OH that way!

perfectcolourfound · 12/08/2023 18:15

You aren't being unreasonable. Once maybe, but if he's defaulting to it for several occasions then he's being lazy and unimaginitive. And especially as he works near a florist - he's putting minimum possible effort in to thinking about and sourcing your gift.

Definitely tell him.