DH says I never want to do anything

[CatGrins]

Basically I'm boring! I mean he's not wrong, I just like relaxing.

We got back from holiday yesterday, I drove (4.5hrs) and when we got home, the kids and I emptied the car and got the laundry going and he popped to the supermarket to get dinner and a few bits. By 9pm I was ready for bed and I could tell he wasn't amused, it was the first time we'd been alone in a week. This morning he says I didn't do much on holiday with him and 'just sat around'. He's right I did! He likes swimming, playing snooker with the kids, using the sauna, going for walks. I just sat by the pool, watched the snooker etc etc.

We go away again next week on an annual trip with friends and he's already pointed out all the things I won't be doing (visit the farm shop, walk to the beach, play cricket with the kids)... he's right!

I'm super unfit which is a large part of the problem but also, I just like relaxing! I know he's right but how do I change?

Ha this was my thought too! I love doing sweet FA if I want to. No man to nag at me....utter bliss.

I’m all for chilling and relaxing on holiday but refusing to go to a farm shop or beach walk when on a group holiday is very odd.

I am single. I'm so glad my life is not lying around all day, unwilling to walk on the beach or swim in a pool.

You can relax and do things.

In my relationship our roles are reversed, I’m the one that likes to be doing and Dh likes doing nothing. I do enjoy the occasional sit by the pool reading but I would be beyond bored if that was it.

Do you not want to do things together? Do you just have different interests?

I think after a 4.5 hour drive and unpacking etc it's understandable you were tired
It's a shame for your DH that you couldn't find it in you to join in
He might've wanted to relax and reconnect and enjoy time as a couple and you could've found ways to compromise
I have Cerebral Palsy and can't walk too far without resting or on uneven ground so I take that into account
When my DS's were little we'd go for a walk and if it was too much I'd stop for a coffee and they'd have an ice cream, work round it basically but I always made sure they enjoyed their holiday
Nowadays I have a rollator so would use that

But some of it is about doing stuff with your DH as well too? If you were a bloke you'd be accused of checking out.

I think he's highlighting something that's worth highlighting, to be honest. What do you want your life to be like when the kids are grown? Do you envisage going on holiday with just your DH and you just sitting down while he swims, goes for walks, plays pool etc? Because from where he's sitting, that probably doesn't look like much fun.

Of course holidays are about relaxing, but they're about relaxing together. I keep thinking of the other thread where the OP's DH probably started a holiday affair right under OP's eyes... If you don't want to walk, play pool and go swimming with your DH, what if someone else does? I'm not saying run around like an idiot. I am saying now is the time to build some shared interests.

This are you relaxing or just lazy and that's also why your unfit.

Don’t you want to do things as a family before your children grow up and move out? I must say though I’m more in the style of your DH when it comes to holidays, I can’t bear just wasting away lying down the whole time. Doesn’t make you feel good at the end of the day!

Surely a walk to a farm shop or the beach is relaxing? I think some compromise should be found, surely it is boring just sat around for a whole holiday...?!

Also I think some people have misunderstood your original post, he wasn't referring to you doing nothing after the long drive, but nothing on the actual holiday. He just raised it after the drive.

OP this could be a warning sign of underlying issues, I would tackle this now before resentment festers and it comes to a head.

You may as well as stay at home and let them go without you and have fun. Sounds pretty miserable

Count me in too!
I hope away a fair bit, on my own, and actually then I'm always doing something, but it's something of my choosing.
No nagging and compromise for me!

What do YOU like to do on holiday and adapt.

For example if you like lying by the pool, you could maybe go to a waterpark
If you like sitting and watching scenic views you could maybe do cable cars / vintage train rides.

Yes, we went on every train ride possible with mine and had a picnic and a walk at the end
Abroad we got local trains to nearby towns
You just have to work around what you like to do

We went bowling and shooting (not real shooting, an activity at a centre) and did an escape room, I like those things.

Anyway, we had a big chat last night. He just wants to spend time with me and said that I often say we aren't tactile outside of the bedroom much at the moment. He thinks this is linked and wants to make us closer in all areas so we are both trying hard now.

I do resent the comments about my opting out of family life and parenting. I have been the primary carer for our children's whole lives whilst DH has been a shift worker (police). We could never rely on him being home on time etc and so I moved from working in a nursery to becoming a childminder so that one of us was always around. I still am now as it works so well for us all.

Anyway thanks for the comments.

I would struggle with a very unfit partner who didn't want to do things.

I think it sounds like you both need to do a bit of give and take. But why would you go away with friends then do nothing to join in?
Does everyone go off to the beach except you ?