Speaking to DH

[Mummytoofour]

How do you bring up bedroom talk or things you like & don’t without it turning in to a row?

my DH gets annoyed quiet quickly when things aren’t his way!

1. I need to speak to him about how I don’t like that he’s watching porn (even though he denies it)

2. aren’t I enough that he has to watch porn?

3. he’s never masturbated in our 15years of marriage but did yesterday

2 - nothing to do with each other

3 - how do you know?

1 why don't you like it? That will inform advice

3 - really???

3. I should have added never in 15years of marriage has he masturbated in front of me!

Not in front of me like he did yesterday

I was about to tell you I masturbate loads but then I saw you said in front of you. That's not on

Why did he suddenly wop it out and start masterbating? Was he watching porn/hoping it would magically make you horny/hoping you’d finish the job for him?

They are such amazing creatures sometimes but they do confound me.

I was laying in the opposite side to him on the bed & he was stroking my legs/massaging my feet (not planned or anything I just laid on the opposite side to get cooler in front of the fan)
next minute I know, I look at him and I can see him masturbating under the duvet and his hand going up & down, eyes rolling. Not going to lie I was in shock! Think it’s because he’s never done that in front of my or I’ve never known him to do it anyway (probably does I just don’t know)

Yeah, that's a bit weird. Can't say I've ever just cracked one out randomly while partner is there nor would I even think about doing it either.

There's a slim chance he's watching porn related to that and he's having a go himself but I dunno.

Porn wise as a whole you're unlikely to be able to stop him because he'll just do it anyway when you're not around. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested in you, though. Although, that last part is bit out there.

Are you keeping him topped up regularly so to speak so he doesn't have to resort to these extra curricula activities?

@Mummytoofour how did you react when he did number 3 🙊

We go for a walk in the woods when we want to talk about important stuff

I do try to, but sometimes he’s just not interested. Im always up for it, I have a higher sex drive than him I feel

I was mortified, when I knew he had finished I just got up & went in the other room. Once he was asleep I went back into our bedroom & tried to sleep. I couldn’t even face him at that time, I was literally just laying there looking at the ceiling

I don’t get it. Porn is no substitute for the real thing.

I sat down to speak to him last night, I don’t think it went too well but in his opinion that’s all he had to say.

1. he still goes by porn was a pop up and he doesn’t watch it.

2. he admitted to masturbating and said he was just feeling super horny stroking my legs.

3. shaving down there he said he’s done it before and he goes you’ve clearly not noticed.

he could see I wasn’t happy with what he said and plus I really don’t believe him about the porn, I still don’t (he’s not a good liar). But he went on to say that I know what you want to hear so I’ll just say yes I watch it because that will make you feel like you’ve caught me out.

@Mummytoofour I think I would've reacted the same tbh. I would've been uncomfortable.

Does he understand his hurt / upset all of this has made you?
Sometimes I think men are oblivious to the feelings it creates for us

I don't think there's anything wrong with it unless he know it would make you uncomfortable and was doing it for the shock factor - now you know you can ask him that he either warns you, offers you a chance to join in or be there, or takes it to an alternative location .

Have you posted about this before? Recently. (Last few days)
Because if you haven't, I think another poster is going through the same thing as you

Yes same poster as exactly same issues but this is another post

Your questions need to be why didn’t you see if I fancied sex then if you were horny stroking my leg? The porn, he clearly watches it, many men do, I personally do sometimes too and have no issue but you do, and I assume that’s largely because he would rather watch porn than have sex with you, and I’d equally have an issue with that. I only don’t have an issue with porn is it’s an extra to my sex life; not instead of. Maybe ask him these questions instead of accusing him of wanking (normal) and watching porn, because these issues are why you aren’t happy, not the acts in general, but because they are replacing him having sex with you

i believe it was my post in another category

I think you’re right, the fact that he’s replacing porn for me is hurting me the most. Although he still denies he’s not watching porn but my gut instinct tells me he is & his facial expressions when I’ve asked him certainly change (as if he’s hiding something).
In our relationship we don’t have a ‘ask’ when we want to have sex sort of thing. So if he’s horny and wants me to touch him or give him a BJ he would take my hand and place it on his penis, so from there I know what he wants. It’s the same with me too, however when I do anything like that most of the time he doesn’t act up onto it and that really pisses me off! He expects it to be done but I also have ‘needs’!
Why not give me the nudge that you want a HJ than do it yourself when you’ve never done it before!

Thank you, finally someone that agrees with me.
No he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, I’m being too dramatic apparently & got all this in my head is what he said to me!

@Mummytoofour
As hard as it is, I think you need to try and have a calm conversation about it all with him.
Try to use sentences which are.... when you do this it makes me feel like this.

And hopefully he can see your side