Hi all, I hope someone can give me some insight into my wife’s behaviour over the last few months (apologies for length, will try to be brief).
Two months ago she told me that she wanted to separate. This took me completely by surprise, because apart from the usual day-to-day drudgery of raising two young children, me working too hard and perhaps not giving her enough attention, I felt that things were good and getting better. We were making big plans for the future, and having regular sex.
For the six months before this, my wife had started to get close to a man she knows through her work. He’s a funny looking little chap, a little nerdy, and I just never felt threatened by him in the slightest. My wife is a stunner. When I saw inappropriate texts from him (you’re so special etc.), I discussed with my wife who assured me that they were just friends and she would deal with it. There were other signs that I guess I just chose to ignore, as I had complete trust in my wife.
After telling me that she wanted to separate, so she could be on her own, find herself, learn how to be happy again etc., my wife was very keen that I move out of the family home asap. Following advice from family, who said I should give her space, I moved out quickly into a house nearby.
A week or so later the OM’s wife comes to my work to talk to me. She told me everything; that my wife and her husband have been secretly seeing each other for months, and that he is now sleeping at my house every night (less than a week after I moved out), with my children in the house at the same time (they don’t know he is there).
I was obviously incredibly upset and told friends and family what was happening. My wife instantly became an entirely different person; cold, cruel, incredibly hurtful. She makes threats. She bad mouths me to friends and family. She says that the OM is her soulmate, that he knows her like no one else in the world and that “it’s like they are the same person”. She is palming our children off on anyone that will have them and going on trips with OM (I don’t think they can go out in public where we live), and I suspect spending a lot of our money doing so. Just acting like an irresponsible teenager.
At the same time, she still drops small hints that she still loves me when I see her, but shuts down any hope of reconciliation when I raise it. She refuses to engage with me on divorce, finances etc. but asks me for money to help pay the mortgage and bills. I am paying the statutory child support.
More recently I’m seeing signs of the “old” her coming through and she gets a bit teary when she talks to me, but still absolutely refuses to admit to having an affair.
There is a lot more (rather horrific) detail I could give, but I’ll leave it there. I’m in therapy which is helping, and have my children for a few days a week (around work) which is my only joy right now.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what is going on with my wife?
Thanks
Dazed and Confused