Being accused of cheating - text from wrong number

[Whenloveisnotenough]

As title says really, we were having a chilled evening until a random text came through on my phone. Cue my partner coming at me with all the questions of who it is, why they text me, how they got my number. Followed by a few "that's weird" "it's just so wierd" even though the person said it was a wrong number and I'm completely fucking innocent n have no idea who the fuck it is!

I found myself feeling anxious, worried I'd say something or act in a way that would make him THINK I was guilty. Then thought "fuck this, I've done nothing wrong" n I told him so. Then he's all "now it's you making a big deal out of this" he then brought up a time from around 6/7 years ago when I'd had a random number text me that turned out to be a wrong number, saying its happened more than once so there MUST be something to it.

Fuck thit shit. I wish we didn't have kids together, I wish I'd seen the red flags and had more self respect years ago.

If you know you're innocent, and have never done anything unfaithful during this relationship, you've nothing to worry about.
What did the text say to insight this reaction from your

Sorry posted too soon, what did the text say to get this sort of reaction from your partner?

He sounds unstable and paranoid @Whenloveisnotenough . Remember you've done nothing wrong.

I don't think he's a good guy to be with. x

@Whenloveisnotenough im sorry you are going through this im in the same situation except its that HE has a random follower on facebook that he has convinced himself is someone i know from years ago ,every little thing i do is over anaylized

Fuck thit shit. I wish we didn't have kids together, I wish I'd seen the red flags and had more self respect years ago.

You know now. What do you want to do?

It just said "hiya x" and when he replied (he took my phone to reply to the text) asking who it was they said a guys name n that they're from Facebook. When my partner replied saying neither of us have Facebook thats when the unknown number said "wrong number sorry"
My partner then asked a few times where they got my number but they stopped replying.

I told him people get numbers wrong sometimes to which he said that most people copy and paste nowadays so that's unlikely.

The random text I got years ago just said "hi are you available?" And he was adamant it meant someone was asking if I was available for sex!

I remember a few years ago he saw some spam in my junk email folder that mentioned sex and it took some convincing that everyone gets these spam emails.

It's tiring, I've never given him any reason to think I'd cheat.
I gave up my male friends to make him feel comfortable in the beginning and avoid talking to guys in case he thinks I like them.
I never go out (pub ect) without him cause he's so sure men would flirt with me, we don't go out drinking together cause he says he'll just end up fighting when men try to speak to me.

It's not like I'm even that good looking and I'm certainly not a flirt lol

Men that are like this are usually deflecting their own behaviour

I was worried about this

So he goes through your phone and emails? Are you able to see friends and family or have you had to stop spending time with them also? You have sacrificed a lot to show him you can trust him and it will never be enough. What's next? You get rid of your phone all together? Do you really want to live with this for life?

He used to rush me back when I was seeing family, he'd find some reason as to why I needed to be home early. Now he tries to come up with reasons not to go altogether and badmouths them, same with my friends, he tries to point out every bad thing about them so as to try and "put me off" wanting to be their friend.

He has said he wants me all to himself, which at the time I thought was sweet. I grew up feeling unwanted and unloved so it was nice to have someone that wanted me so much, does that make sense?

Oh he's bad news. Controlling. Untrusting. Disrespectful.

This isn't a healthy dynamic. It isn't an equal, respectful, loving relationship.

It isn't too late to leave.

I am wondering if it was him both times to test you

I don't think either text was him, both times he was with me, funnily enough

Controlling and abusive, desperate to isolate you.

Please call Womens aid for a sympathetic and supportive ear.

This is not a good man.

Controlling and abusive.

You don't have to rush into anything, but looking at your options would be good for you.

This is ALL on HIM.

Those texts with no context sound like they were scam or phishing. A huge overreaction has occurred as it sounds like the relationship has bigger issues.

The texts sound typical of spam/phishing texts that are very common and can be just ignored with a block and report without responding. What’s more of an issue is your partner’s response, which together with other things that you say, indicates controlling behaviour.

You need to take this as an indication that there is some unhealthy behaviour in your relationship. Look for indicators of of manipulation, coercion, threats, intimidation and trying to isolate you from your friends; the classic behaviour of a controlling person.

He’s manipulative and controlling. You are in an abusive relationship. He’s isolating you from everyone so he is able to control you.

@Whenloveisnotenough this isn't love. Controlling, abusive and trying to break you down is not real love at all.

You need to leave. This won't ever change or get better. He will escalate and get worse. In fact, he is probably already cheating and deflecting onto you.

You don't deserve any of this.

Thank you everyone, I wish I could leave him then fast forward until the dust settles.
We moved miles away from my family and friends so don't have any support nearby. I don't know how I'll do this, I don't feel very strong right now

You are in an abusive relationship, all the examples are listed in your thread.
He is isolating you.
You need to do the freedom programme.
There is nothing you can do to fix this. either you drop your head & obey, or you make plans to leave

Moving far from family is always a part of the abusers play book.

One step at a time.

Contact Women's aid for a chat and advice on getting legal advice.

Reach out to family and friends for any support.

Make sure your phone has a secure code.

Quietly put together pictures of documents like payslips, pensions, bank accounts etc. and email these copies to a secure account.

Read up on controlling abusive relationships.

Keep a note of his treatment of you and your children.

Contact your GP and ask for advice/help.

We are here for you.

Your man has some serious “ishoos”. He needs help. You need friends and freedom.

Why did you move far away from family and friends?

The random text I got years ago just said "hi are you available?" And he was adamant it meant someone was asking if I was available for sex!

Only a punter would know that that is a typical punter text.

To be closer to his work, only months after starting the relationship. I did anything he asked, I was so desperate to keep him happy.
He left that job a few months after moving