Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do men only give attention to women they fancy?

48 replies

Qwertyqueen1 · 10/08/2023 21:24

i work in a corporate environment where most of the work we do is work from home. A few months ago I made friends with guy similiar age and interests to me and he makes a real effort to always reach out and will plan office days around my availability so we can have lunch or go for a coffee. We are both in long term relationships and although I will admit I find him attractive I’ve kept it strictly friends between us and genuinely just enjoy our friendship, wouldn’t want anything more from him and am in a happy relationship. I was telling my friend about the effort he makes to keep in touch and she’s got into my head that it’s because he probably fancies me and that’s made me feel awkward and I’m wondering if this is the case or I’m overthinking it. He’s never overstepped in any sort of way and I don’t think he would? Would love to know other peoples thoughts on this

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 10/08/2023 21:39

No, I don't think do. I have 3 every good long term male friends at work.

None of them fancy me. Nor me them. If anything, the way two of them talk about their wife and kids is one of the best things about them. It's so genuine and respectful

0021andabit · 10/08/2023 21:47

Unless she’s spent a lot of time with the two of you & observed a particular dynamic when you’re together, I’d say don’t over think it. I’ve got several male mates who would go out their way to spend time with me (and me them) bcos we enjoy each other’s company & it brightens up a working day.

Cupcakekiller · 10/08/2023 21:48

Decent guys don't no, but there is a particular breed of man which does.

Original poster
Qwertyqueen1 · 10/08/2023 22:37

Just to add aswell, and I think this is the one thing making me overthink a little, is that he’s very open about having a chat about most things in life, as am i but he doesn’t really talk much about his girlfriend. I know some basics such as they’ve been together since college and they don’t live together etc but other than that he doesn’t really mention her.. it may just be me over thinking and that he’s a private about his relationship / stuff going on he doesn’t want to tell me but I do find he avoids the topic. Also to add I have close long term male friends wheres it’s entirely platonic friendships and they’ve made a huge effort for me similiar to this. I think because this is a new friendship that’s been formed later in life that my friend has been finding it weird the amount of effort he goes to for me at times, but to me that’s just a sign of him being a genuine nice guy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Qwertyqueen1 · 10/08/2023 22:38

awww yes this is so lovely xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Qwertyqueen1 · 10/08/2023 22:38

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 10/08/2023 21:39

No, I don't think do. I have 3 every good long term male friends at work.

None of them fancy me. Nor me them. If anything, the way two of them talk about their wife and kids is one of the best things about them. It's so genuine and respectful

Aww yes this is so lovely xx

OP posts:
user1471423151 · 10/08/2023 22:42

I’m a man and have two very good female friends in work, one married with kids (as am I) 18 years younger than me, and a lesbian 19 years younger. No designs on either, they’re just good mates and we can, and do, talk about pretty much anything.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/08/2023 23:21

He probably does fancy you a bit

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 10/08/2023 23:32

Oh come on.

Odds are high that he fancies you.

Lookingatthesunset · 10/08/2023 23:37

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 10/08/2023 23:32

Oh come on.

Odds are high that he fancies you.

Rubbish! There's a man in work - he was my manager once upon a time, sadly not now because he's a gentleman and a sweetheart - and we have a lot in common, both married, both went to the same uni though we didn't know each other, both took the same postgrad, both married, kids of a similar age.

I am 100% sure he doesn't fancy me, and I don't fancy him even though he's a bit of a silver fox!!

You do realise that men and women can be platonic friends? It's not always about wanting to get in someone's knickers!!!

Lookingoutside · 10/08/2023 23:44

OP you got 3 exclamation points just now 😂😂😂

This will very likely escalate like you wouldn’t believe.

I think he fancies you 🤭

Mmhmmn · 10/08/2023 23:54

It is possible, maybe probable he fancies you but that doesn't mean he's not being genuine in his friendship if you guys get on well, which you clearly do. It's nice, nay, great, to hang out and make time for like-minded people you enjoy being around. So don't sweat it.

If he knows you're happy in your relationship he's unlikely to make a move on you if that's what you're worried about.

Dery · 10/08/2023 23:56

Yes, men and women can be friends but it sounds to me as if there could be something more here - especially if he doesn’t talk much about his GF.

UsingChangeofName · 11/08/2023 00:38

Do men only give attention to women they fancy?

No

Might there be some men who only give attention to women they fancy?

Almost certainly

Are there some women who only give attention to men they fancy ?

Almost certainly

Does that mean 'women only give attention to men they fancy' ?

No

MissTrip82 · 11/08/2023 01:10

I’m not sure what you mean by men making huge efforts to be around you? Your female friends don’t make plans, reach out, try and line things up to meet you if possible? It’s just so odd for this to be unique to your male friends and for you to then boast about it to someone else.

Do you place more value on male attention? Would you be pleased if this bloke did fancy you?

EBearhug · 11/08/2023 01:15

Some men do. Decent men don't, although decent men could also fancy you, but won't make that the reson to get to know you, but might also just make a point of getting to know colleagues.

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 01:32

lol...if you really believe he want to be your friend...hmmm

SomewhereWithSomeone · 11/08/2023 03:14

This work colleague has never overstepped and seems nice so your friend just sounds immature.

However, the fact that you’ve mentioned you find him attractive, are mentioning him to your friend, seem excited that he’s making an effort to see you and are now posting on here, are you sure you’re not hoping that there’s some truth in this? I’m sure you’ll say no, but be honest with yourself.

Don’t fuck up your relationship and your career.

xPeaceXx · 11/08/2023 07:38

Yes, he likes being around you. Even if he knows nothing will happen, men like the status if being your friend at work.

It's funny, the man on this thread who says he has two female friends at work, both just friends, he adds that they are both 20 years younger, so he clearly likes The Status of being around /the friend of younger women.

UglyNameChange · 11/08/2023 08:26

I think they do.
I’m ugly, always have been and men (or boys) never had any interest to be my friends or hang out with me.
Most men don’t even refister women as people if the woman isin’t attractive.
We do not exist to them at all.

UglyNameChange · 11/08/2023 08:29

It's funny, the man on this thread who says he has two female friends at work, both just friends, he adds that they are both 20 years younger,

I laughed at that too, wouldn’t (want) be friends with two women 20 years older, now would he.
Suprise he didn’t go on to detaild how attractive these women are!

HermioneWeasley · 11/08/2023 08:31

I’ve had loads of male friends at work and lots of close male friends. I am quite certain none of them have ever fancied me.

xPeaceXx · 11/08/2023 08:32

I think this is true. No men came on to say they were friends with women from work 20 years older. Those women don't exist, they're not men, they're .... non men.

The incel mindset is just a step more extreme. These basement dwellers don't view women as unattractive as they are as women when they rage no women want them

ToughFuss · 11/08/2023 08:36

No, I don’t think that is necessarily the case, I worked with all men previously and would count 3 of them as good true friends with nothing untoward going on (as sure of this as I possibly can be!) BUT the situation you described sounds a little like your coworker fancies you. The timing of his days so he can take breaks with you etc is making me think that.

mainbrochus · 11/08/2023 08:39

I think he fancies you, it’s useful in work to be attractive, let’s be honest, and if it makes your day more pleasant then what is the harm?

kust talk about your DH a lot and don’t meet him outside work !

Swipe left for the next trending thread