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Original poster

Can't stop worrying ! Court order

51 replies

xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:02

Hiya, so me and my child's father currently have a court order in place, he only has my child a few hours a week for 2 days a week.

We are back in court in October but the judge did say if we can come to agreement outside of court about overnight contact then we can start that.

I offered my child's father overnights and he has said he's sticking to the court order. He is also trying to gain custody of my child.

I'm now worried how this would affect the case, I'm worried the courts might think I'm not sticking to the order and that dad is. Even tho dad did ask not so long ago through solicitors if he can have him once a week in august overnight.

Can't help that worry I have done something bad by offering this?? I just felt like my son was ready now.

OP posts:
Delphigirl · 10/08/2023 16:03

No you haven’t. Don’t worry. You are promoting staying contact with your sons best interests at heart which is a good thing in the eyes of the court.

Biscuitandacuppa · 10/08/2023 16:05

How old is your son? You haven’t done anything wrong, in fact by offering increased access this is the very opposite of parental alienation. Have you evidence of his refusal? Is your ex seeking full custody? What is his motive for doing that? Have you both been to mediation?

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:05

Delphigirl · 10/08/2023 16:03

No you haven’t. Don’t worry. You are promoting staying contact with your sons best interests at heart which is a good thing in the eyes of the court.

I don't understand why dad wouldn't want too. It's a lot of travelling for our little boy in 1 day so thought it would make sense as he's also enjoying seeing his dad.

Plus dad wants custody so I am suprised. He had an appointment with his solicitor supposedly so that's what's scary I guess.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 10/08/2023 16:06

So you have offered him more time with his own child and he refused?
He is also threatening to ask a court to award him full custody?
Is he joking?
Unless there is a huge amount of info about you missing from this post (E.g you’re a drug addicted, abusive mother) then you’ve got nothing to worry about I don’t think.

Biscuitandacuppa · 10/08/2023 16:06

Also it is very unlikely that court would grant full custody to a nonresident parent unless there was evidence of neglect, abuse or parental alienation.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:07

Biscuitandacuppa · 10/08/2023 16:05

How old is your son? You haven’t done anything wrong, in fact by offering increased access this is the very opposite of parental alienation. Have you evidence of his refusal? Is your ex seeking full custody? What is his motive for doing that? Have you both been to mediation?

Our son turns 2 next month.
Yes he sent a text message saying "I'm going to stick to the court order, thanks for offering though"

We didn't do mediation due to me being In a refuge because of him, but I'm not persuing allegations as I want to keep it child focused.
But I think he's going for custody purely just to spite me and to get out of paying for him. He wants to become resident parent and me having 2 days a week with our son .

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:09

Biscuitandacuppa · 10/08/2023 16:06

Also it is very unlikely that court would grant full custody to a nonresident parent unless there was evidence of neglect, abuse or parental alienation.

He's told solictors my son is being sent to him dirty and in clothes that don't fit. That isn't true.
Dad has been sending my son home with clothes that look intentionally dirty so I think he's been trying to make me look bad

OP posts:
Ollifer · 10/08/2023 16:09

All I'd say is stop the contact between you and him whilst you're going through the court process. If he's anything like my ex husband he will use every single thing to make you look bad even when you're trying really hard to offer them something nice or be really amicable. His solicitor was scum aswell, twisting every single thing that happened and trying to turn my messages into something manipulative when they knew damn well I was trying to come to an agreement for the benefit of our child. It's so stressful op. I feel for you.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:10

Ollifer · 10/08/2023 16:09

All I'd say is stop the contact between you and him whilst you're going through the court process. If he's anything like my ex husband he will use every single thing to make you look bad even when you're trying really hard to offer them something nice or be really amicable. His solicitor was scum aswell, twisting every single thing that happened and trying to turn my messages into something manipulative when they knew damn well I was trying to come to an agreement for the benefit of our child. It's so stressful op. I feel for you.

I will stop now!! Just worried that I have planted myself a big hole due to texting about contact🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ there is also a non molestation against him but in regards to contact about my son we can communicate.
Just thought i was doing a good thing

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 16:11

We didn't do mediation due to me being In a refuge because of him, but I'm not persuing allegations as I want to keep it child focused.

But I think he's going for custody purely just to spite me and to get out of paying for him. He wants to become resident parent and me having 2 days a week with our son .

If he's told you he's going for full custody and you've been the victim of DV. You have to report the abuse to the Police and apply for a Non-Molestation Order to protect yourself and your LO.

But don't take my word for it, speak to Womensaid first Flowers

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:12

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 16:11

We didn't do mediation due to me being In a refuge because of him, but I'm not persuing allegations as I want to keep it child focused.

But I think he's going for custody purely just to spite me and to get out of paying for him. He wants to become resident parent and me having 2 days a week with our son .

If he's told you he's going for full custody and you've been the victim of DV. You have to report the abuse to the Police and apply for a Non-Molestation Order to protect yourself and your LO.

But don't take my word for it, speak to Womensaid first Flowers

I already have a non molestation in place. So there isn't much anyone can do now. Police was phoned once but due to no evidence there was no point them doing anything.

In his last court statement he asked for Thursday till Monday every week.

Then him and my sons grandad said to me in person that they will be getting custody

OP posts:
Thelonelygiraffe · 10/08/2023 16:13

He sounds like a cunt.

I'd keep your distance, only communicate with him about your dc.

I'd also keep a note of any dirty clothes your ds comes home in and any abusive messages your ex sends. You can use these.

You could also take a photo of your dc each time he goes to his dad's, so you can prove what he was wearing.

I'm sure the judge will be sympathetic to you and will have the measure of men like your ex.

💐

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:14

Thelonelygiraffe · 10/08/2023 16:13

He sounds like a cunt.

I'd keep your distance, only communicate with him about your dc.

I'd also keep a note of any dirty clothes your ds comes home in and any abusive messages your ex sends. You can use these.

You could also take a photo of your dc each time he goes to his dad's, so you can prove what he was wearing.

I'm sure the judge will be sympathetic to you and will have the measure of men like your ex.

💐

I'm going too now! I was surprised he said no about this as it wasn't long ago he was asking.

He acts so nice on text however but he knows it would be used against him if not.

It's so hard.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 10/08/2023 16:24

So he's refused more contact from you yet he wants custody haha, he's going to get precisely nowhere with that one.
Make sure the court knows he refused and you offered.
What a twat. Another man with pie in the skies ideas who can't cope with seeing his own child.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:25

Gettingbysomehow · 10/08/2023 16:24

So he's refused more contact from you yet he wants custody haha, he's going to get precisely nowhere with that one.
Make sure the court knows he refused and you offered.
What a twat. Another man with pie in the skies ideas who can't cope with seeing his own child.

He put on the message that he's sticking to the court order.
So if anything it looks like he hasn't refused but is playing it by the books. The court might see it like that?? X

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 10/08/2023 16:27

xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:10

I will stop now!! Just worried that I have planted myself a big hole due to texting about contact🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ there is also a non molestation against him but in regards to contact about my son we can communicate.
Just thought i was doing a good thing

Show quote history

NEVER do any good things. This man thinks he is going to try and get full custody so you don't put yourself out in any way, shape or form.
Would he do a good thing for you....no.

JibbaJab · 10/08/2023 16:27

No you're okay, don't worry.

If anything the courts will look at that as you have offered to extend the contact past what the order says. If anything they will come back and say, well have overnights as he asked for that and you offered it. They may look at him as being difficult, or reaching.

The only way he would get custody is if he could prove you are not fit or a danger and as you already had issues and a NMO that's unlikely to wash.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:28

@Gettingbysomehow

That's true!! It was mainly for my son however I thought it would make sense. But dad however wants to stick to order even tho he was asking not long ago for overnight contact

OP posts:
PreschoolMum4 · 10/08/2023 16:54

Pursuing DV incidents would be child focused as you would be protecting your son too.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:55

PreschoolMum4 · 10/08/2023 16:54

Pursuing DV incidents would be child focused as you would be protecting your son too.

My solicitor and barrister said that there was no point as I wasn't stopping contact. He was never bad to our child.

OP posts:
Dery · 10/08/2023 16:59

“No you're okay, don't worry.

If anything the courts will look at that as you have offered to extend the contact past what the order says. If anything they will come back and say, well have overnights as he asked for that and you offered it. They may look at him as being difficult, or reaching.

The only way he would get custody is if he could prove you are not fit or a danger and as you already had issues and a NMO that's unlikely to wash.”

This. You offered additional contact. Just make sure the court is aware of that. I would also keep the police in the loop just so you have this on record.

Also if he’s sending your son home in dirty clothes, then it may be worth taking photos of how your child looks when you hand him over to his father. That will show that you’re looking after your son just fine. It’s a shame you should have to do that but unfortunately abusers often don’t think of their children as separate human beings - they think of them as possessions and don’t give a sh1t about what’s best for them and they do enjoy tormenting the former partner.

PreschoolMum4 · 10/08/2023 17:01

It's difficult because often abusive partners are/have been abusive parents too.

I've been through court myself and had to go with my gut (so times contrary to solicitors/ barristers).

It's very difficult because the courts do not take abuse seriously. In my case though even though I felt like my concerns were dismissed, I was still given majority custody time (30/70).

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/08/2023 17:06

Definitely take photos of your child as he is leaving your house and as he returns. Take no notice of the grandfather, who is insisting he's going to make custody happen!

Dery · 10/08/2023 17:09

In addition, the court may well recognise the fact that he is going for full custody as abusive. It’s what abusers do. And if you were an incompetent or neglectful parent, he should have jumped at the chance of overnights but he didn’t. So just make sure the court is aware the offer was made and declined.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 17:11

PreschoolMum4 · 10/08/2023 17:01

It's difficult because often abusive partners are/have been abusive parents too.

I've been through court myself and had to go with my gut (so times contrary to solicitors/ barristers).

It's very difficult because the courts do not take abuse seriously. In my case though even though I felt like my concerns were dismissed, I was still given majority custody time (30/70).

It's so hard and with little evidence I knew not much would be done.

Can I please ask what your ex asked for?
I'm going to offer every other weekend and a midweek stay. It's to much travel for my little one and plus when my son starts school it won't work.

OP posts:
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