OLD: Would you ask him out in this situation?

[Sundaycoffee]

Have been chatting a man online from an app for over a week now but not sure how interested he is and whether or not to just bite the bullet and ask him out on a date.
We started off exchanging 2 to 3 messages a day on the app and he was the first to initiate a voicenote which I reciprocated with. He sounded nice and friendly and chatty. I decided that I wanted to show that I was interested and maybe ramp things up slightly, so I sent him my number and asked him to message me on WhatsApp, thinking that might get things moving a little bit.
Since then the messages have fallen to just one per day rather than increasing. He will reply to my message in the evening, I will send a response (which he reads) and then he will reply to that message 24 hours later the next evening and that pattern has continued for 4 days now. As a millennial who spends a lot of time on their phone this seems rather slow to me and wondering if it indicates a lack of interest or is this perfectly normal in the OLD world?
Should I just bite the bullet and ask him out? I feel like I've already expressed interest my side by giving him my number and generally reply to his messages within a couple of hours when I have a spare moment.

I'd say he's not that interested, slow communication isn't for me so I wouldn't, however not to say it isn't wrong to ask, if he doesn't sound full of enthusiasm if you do ask then just leave it be.

Everyone has different expectations of level of messaging, but for me personally one response in the evening, 24 hours after you messaged would 100% not be enough and I'd sack it off.

Lots of MN advice is that you're a bit of a needy stalker if you want more, but to me, that's indicative of his interest, and as I'm a rather prolific messager, it would piss me right off!

He doesn't have 20 seconds in the morning while the kettles boiling to ping you a message?? 🤷‍♀️

Yeah I'm in two minds between just asking him out and see what he says or to just message and say that I'm not getting the vibe he's particularly interested in carrying things further so take care etc and see if he jumps to anything or just agrees?

Personally I’d drop messaging him as he’s showing pretty much no effort.

See if you stopping messaging him means he then chases you.

I’ve found anytime this situation occurs, then they’re not that interested.

I would move on tbh

I’m going against the grain… my OH was TERRIBLE at messaging and in the end I orchestrated a coffee date. 2 years later we’re engaged and have a home together.

If you like him, go for it!

I like this idea. Can I ask which site ? I found on Bumble the men a bit passive..

I'd just be honest - "would be great to continue this face to face over coffee some time - shall we do something?".

I'd bring it up in a "soft" way but not overfunction or over organise or "do extra to persuade him". Its not really a "date", just a meet so it's not like you're "chasing" him.

If he just bats it away or ignores or claims he needs another month of inane messages I'd write him off.

Some women like chatting a long time so maybe he needs the green light. However, there are loads of timewasters and people (Maybe married or catfish or attention seekers) who want message buddies only.

So he was chatty on the app and less so on watsapp for no real reason you can fathom?

Sounds like his hobby is chatting to women on the apps with no intention of taking it further, otherwise surely his chat frequency would be the same?

He might be hoping you’ll make a move but he’s not giving off encouraging vibes himself really, is he?

I wouldn’t pin all my hopes on him.

I like the gentle approach mentioned above though if you think it’s worth prodding this a bit more.

I really wouldn't ask him out. He's showing no real interest in you. Keep up the search!

‘Hi, do you fancy meeting for a half hour coffee on Saturday afternoon at this specific time at this specific coffee shop?’

If he says yes, fine, see what he’s like in person.

If he says no, and doesn’t offer a specific alternative time/day/location then say ‘no worries’ and leave it to fade.

You've given him your number and he's choosing not to make use of it. I'd move on, if he's interested in anything other than having a load of willing women on his evening texting rota he will wonder where you've gone and let you know.

Nah, I wouldnt. Lacklustre responses to me = lacklustre interest. He might say yes to meeting but ime they were flakers or ghosters and it was a massive waste of time. I'd just not send any more messages myself

I would say something like ‘I’ve really enjoyed our chats recently but it seems you’ve started to be a bit flaky with your communication. I think we could have a lot of fun together, but I’m looking to meet someone who has the same energy as I do. Have a think about it, and I really hope I’m still available when you decide to get in touch :)’
And then you get back into your OLD platform and carry on trying to find someone. Forget about this guy for now. You have stated that you’re interested and you have made it clear that he’s not texting enough for your liking so now you have to just wait and see if anything changes with him. But hopefully in the meantime you will find the guy of your dreams who replies immediately because he’s excited to speak to you and meet up. You could ask this guy out but you can’t then be upset when he doesn’t message you the day after you have sex or ghosts later on because he has shown you his cards now.

“You've given him your number and he's choosing not to make use of it. I'd move on, if he's interested in anything other than having a load of willing women on his evening texting rota he will wonder where you've gone and let you know.”

This. The ball’s in his court already. I wouldn’t pursue further. Let him come to you, if he’s interested. And I agree with PP - IME, if a man doesn’t appear particularly interested, it’s because he’s not particularly interested.

If hes leaving 24 hrs between messages and not bothered about moving to Whatsapp then he's not interested. Move on and find someone with better comms and who actually wants to meet.

This is one of those "he's just not that into you"

Chatting on line from an App.. been there and done it over the years.. many years.. it means he's chatting to others too and keeping his options open.

Thanks ladies, yeah it does get frustrating! He reached out to me first initially and as far as I can see our conversation was going well and then for whatever reason they just can't be bothered to take it any further. Now no reply since Wednesday night. Such a waste of time.
He told me he had been single for 7 years (after getting divorced) maybe there's a reason for that!
Appreciate I'm totally overinvesting here. Just such a rare occurance for me to find someone online that I actually see potential with 🤣 oh well!

Don't die wondering. How can you have any sort of conversation when the reply's are 24 hours apart?

Don't invest yourself in someone's potential.

I messaged. More just for closure for myself so I'm not wondering if he will pop up again. I just said it was really nice chatting to him but I'm not really sure we are quite on the same page and I'm looking for a little more, no hard feelings etc.
He replied saying, sorry but he'd had a really crazy week, something about a job interview and would be up for meeting when "it all calms down" if i would still like to 🙃

People sabotage themselves.

Dating is really hard, but if a match goes silent on you he cannot complain that he’s been single seven years, right?

Exactly, he's not the only busy person in the world!
Do I even bother chancing a meet or am I wasting my time? Don't really wanting to be left hanging, so I think I might just say "no problem, are you free on x date?" (say in 2/3 weeks time) and if he can't commit to something in the future now, then see ya

He texted you this evening. If he had done that last week he would have had a much better response from you and might be on his way to breaking that single stretch.

I don’t really understand why people don’t just text ‘I’m overwhelmed with stuff right now, can I call you in three days’ or something. Do these people never poo or wait for a kettle to boil?

A lot of these men just want a pen pal. I’d just leave it. He knows where you are.