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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OLD: Would you ask him out in this situation?

29 replies

Sundaycoffee · 10/08/2023 15:43

Have been chatting a man online from an app for over a week now but not sure how interested he is and whether or not to just bite the bullet and ask him out on a date.
We started off exchanging 2 to 3 messages a day on the app and he was the first to initiate a voicenote which I reciprocated with. He sounded nice and friendly and chatty. I decided that I wanted to show that I was interested and maybe ramp things up slightly, so I sent him my number and asked him to message me on WhatsApp, thinking that might get things moving a little bit.
Since then the messages have fallen to just one per day rather than increasing. He will reply to my message in the evening, I will send a response (which he reads) and then he will reply to that message 24 hours later the next evening and that pattern has continued for 4 days now. As a millennial who spends a lot of time on their phone this seems rather slow to me and wondering if it indicates a lack of interest or is this perfectly normal in the OLD world?
Should I just bite the bullet and ask him out? I feel like I've already expressed interest my side by giving him my number and generally reply to his messages within a couple of hours when I have a spare moment.

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 11/08/2023 19:59

Oh dear, yes, this one is a time waster if he’s not put a date in the diary after your text.

SamW98 · 11/08/2023 20:12

Say ok to him and leave him on back burner while you chat to other men.

If he’s genuinely interested, let him come to you don’t message him again.

coodawoodashooda · 11/08/2023 20:14

Dery · 10/08/2023 18:35

You've given him your number and he's choosing not to make use of it. I'd move on, if he's interested in anything other than having a load of willing women on his evening texting rota he will wonder where you've gone and let you know.

This. The ball’s in his court already. I wouldn’t pursue further. Let him come to you, if he’s interested. And I agree with PP - IME, if a man doesn’t appear particularly interested, it’s because he’s not particularly interested.

Agreed.

GiveOverRover · 11/08/2023 21:34

He replied saying, sorry but he'd had a really crazy week, something about a job interview and would be up for meeting when "it all calms down" if i would still like to 🙃

This is him literally keeping you in the back burner. If he was as keen as you would like him to be he'd have taken the hint and asked to meet you. He didn't, because he's not but the attention is nice and he quite likes having you on the hook.

Closure isn't something you get from someone else, it's something you decide, and you're clearly not done here. It's so half hearted and reluctant, if you even manage to persuade him do you really want a date with a man you've had to cajole to be there?

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