Are you madly in love with your partner?

[Eucalyptus22]

Think several years after the honeymoon period is over and normal life kicks in.

Taking kids out of the equation (we don't have any) and thinking about what you owe yourself and your life.

If you don't feel madly in love should you stick it out with your very nice partner who treats you well and have a nice enough life together, or search again for that 'crazy in love' feeling? What if I thought he was the one but he's not as I'm not 😍 all the time.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm early thirties, my partner is very nice and treats me well, I'm generally happy. Should I be content with what I've got or should I be searching for something 'more'?

I just don't know if I should be expecting burning passion in my heart once the honeymoon phase is over.

Advice please?

We have been together 30 years, married 27. We don’t have that early days utterly crazy madness anymore, it wore off fairly quickly when parenthood, money and work stressed kicked in. But he is the only person on the planet who can make me cry with laughter, who I trust implicitly and I know without one shadow of doubt he has my back.

There are times I could put a pick axe through his forehead… but in the main, I wouldn’t be without him.

Crazy in love doesn’t last. Utter dependability and trust does :)

Of course not, don't be silly!

Together 26 years, married for 20 with three DC. I love, trust and respect him deeply, but I no longer feel the "burning passion" thing. I think he'd say the same about me.

Yes I think we are @PeggyPoggle

We've seen each other at our best but also at our worst. He’s held my hair while I’ve been sick and given birth, I’ve helped him wipe his arse after he broke his pelvis in an accident.
That sort of shared life experience mean we’re not always presenting our “best self” to each other as people tend to do in the first flush of love.

Im not sure it’s possible to recapture the exhilaration of being madly in love for the first time. 🫤

Yes been together 15 years. He's 2nd dh. Still friends with first but therein lay the problem. Just friends. I have everything with dh.

Yeah, he's my best friend and I'd still choose him every day.

Relationships change though just the same as friendships change over time.

If you can glance at your partner and your gut reaction is 'yeah, I still choose you' you're onto a winner imo. When you can't help wondering what else might be out there, it's time to either do some work on a relationship or walk away.

I just turned to dh and asked him if we have a burning passion, rip your clothes off style.

His response: "Sometimes. Not all the time, we wouldn't get anything done"

Yep he's the man for me lol

I've been with my DH for 28 years, married for 21 years with two teenagers.

He's a very complex person and can be the loveliest person and the most unreasonable person on a daily basis.

But he ticks all the fundamental boxes for me in a way no other partner ever has, and in a way no other partners of friends or acquaintances seem to (for them) either, from what I hear.

So I have no regrets and also no real feeling that there is someone better out there (based on my sample set anyway!).

I always say to friends "It's never boring" and that's the glue for me. If I was bored, there'd be a big problem.

Fancied DH to bits for 16 years, right up to the day he died. He was my soulmate, and I still love, miss and grieve him now, nearly 32 years later. He was a wonderful father to our two babies, did more than a fair share of housework and was great in bed.

Nope. I used to, before DD came along. Together 11 years this month.
I'm another mumsnet story of woman doing all childcare and housework whilst man does want he wants.
It made me loose a lot of respect for him.

We sleep separately, I don't enjoy spending a lot of time with him as he's never satisfied and makes insulting comments. I still find him attractive but it isn't enough.
After a couple of years of bad boys all those years ago, I chose a man who text me back, who had a house, job and car and had similar music tastes. Superficial really. It turns out long term we aren't right for each other.
Too late now.

Nope. Not at all.
I have realised that our relationship is pretty much over.
Met him 30 years ago at uni, madly in love, 2 kids together.
What drew me to him is what is pushing us apart. I'm exhausted and done with being the adult in the relationship and carrying all the load.
I'll be here till the kids are older and then I'm gone. I'm building my future plans and reality on my own. He can't plan for 2 days ahead never mind a shared vision.

Why is it too late? It's never too late to be happy.

It's not too late, but when there's marriage and kids involved so many women feel trapped by that and it makes it more difficult to leave.
But that's for another thread

Falling in love is like giving someone a loaded gun and hoping they won't shoot you

Been together 26 years, married for nearly 25. I'm in love with my husband. We've always made time for us even if having children because it's important to have us time. I do see us growing old together and a scare 2 years ago of his health (he was very poorly) has made me know I want to be with him.

One you have kids, love is good if you have it but not the be all/end all. It then becomes about proving secure/stable environment for children. Life isn't all Mills & Boon I'm afraid.

Not really , we've been together 20 years . He is nd , so has never been the handholding , affection showing partner that I would like and if being honest am jealous when I see couples being like that with each other.

I feel over the years I have missed out on a loving relationship , although I know he loves me but just isn't good at showing it.

We are together 5 years. Early days was the fireworks and intense chemistry. Our love is different now but I think feels more secure and even safe. We have been there for each other though good and bad and now are in the crazy years of very young DC. I just adore him and honestly I feel like he adores me by the way he treats me. No matter the circumstances he can have me laughing so hard I am crying.
We were 30’s/40’s getting together and I guess from that perspective we both know how hard it is to meet someone who is really special. So we don’t take each other for granted and really appreciate what we have.

I'm madly in love with my husband. Nearly 17 years together, got together as teenagers.

I'm not all heart eyes emoji 24/7 of course, that would be ridiculous and exhausting. He's my life partner, burning passion all day every day is not a requirement, and I find it pretty difficult to be passionate about him when he snores down my ear like a bulldog at 3am or takes the last piece of garlic bread for himself that I was saving because it's the most garlicky.

But I have no doubts about him, no question that he's my person. He still gives me butterflies, I still miss him horribly when he goes away, I'm still head over heels for him. I hope I always am!

Yes. He's my absolute best friend and I love him deeply. Everyone kept saying that the honeymoon phase will wear off. Ours didn't! We're a great team and have been through a lot together - which made us stronger & stronger.

Nope. I love him, but kindly and committedly. Not "madly". Wouldn't want to be. Have been in those infatuated set ups before and they do not lead to happiness or stability.

I don’t love my husband after 15 years, but it would be massively detrimental to my kids if I left and took them with me. No more nice house in a safe area. No more music or sport lessons. No more getting picked up by mum because she can afford to only work part time. I have others to consider ahead of myself. But if (like you) I was 30 ish with no kids to consider, I’d leave.

24 years here.
We slipped straight into quiet comfort deep love as soon as we got together. We'd both come out of, rollercoaster passionate Massive high, gutter lows, long term relationships.

We just fit. there were butterflies when on they way to see each other and of course lust too.

I'm still in love with him. There have been bad times, we fell into the drudge of money troubles, bringing up children, long working days, and both exhausted. We didn't like each other.

But eventually through lots of communication, understanding, space and time to think, We rekindled what we lost.

Are you happy?

I wouldn’t say we’re madly in love but we’re happy the vast majority of time, supportive of each other, give each other space and independence, make joint decisions and have fun together. I wouldn’t want anything else.

love this!