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Original poster

The awkwardness of money

41 replies

Confused8888 · 08/08/2023 21:44

Hi, me and my partner have been off and on for the past 2.5 years. He currently has a campervan and when we broke up last year for a few months he decided to live in it. We got back together in January and recently he has started staying at mine 5 days a week as he is fed up of van life. I am currently in the middle of selling my apartment and we have decided to wait for him to get a place as it makes more sense for him to be here and saving money. Now he isn't very good with money to the point that he spends his full paycheck every month and even some of his inheritance fund left over yet he has no bills and does not pay me rent. A few months ago when he started staying here more I had to have a conversation with him about money as it will affect my future with his inability to save and have no awareness of what he was doing with it. I am unable to save at present as I am paying a mortgage and all the bills. Bearing in mind he has triple the spending money I do after bills I asked him the other day how is saving for our next property is going. He said leave my savings alone I am trying and then cut the question in quite a harsh way. I am feeling a little aggrieved as he is practically living here rent free, I'm ok for money but not where I used to be when he lived here before the break up and did pay rent and I feel like he is having his cake and eating it to and not trying to help our future when I am trying to help it by not asking for any money in the hope he can save. I'm not really sure what to do here as I don't want to bring it up again but I just don't trust him with money and think it is really unfair if he is living here rent free and not saving the money he could be either paying rent here or getting his own place. I will have the deposit money to put down so will be able to pay my way.

OP posts:
Paq · 08/08/2023 21:47

Congratulations, you have yourself a Cocklodger.

You need to chuck him out. He'll bleed you dry and then move on to the next sucker.

Fidgety31 · 08/08/2023 21:49

He’s taking you for a mug and you are letting him ! Why oh why do you tolerate that ?!

Tell him to pay up or get out . It’s not awkward - it’s life !

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/08/2023 21:50

You have to bring it up with him again.

He’s taking you for a ride, he knows he’s doing it, you know he’s doing it, he’s trying to scare you into tolerating it by shutting you down and you’re letting him!

What on Earth is his money going on?! It doesn’t really matter tbh, but whatever it is he thinks that’s worth it but paying his way at yours isn’t. He literally thinks he’s entitled to your hard earned wages to house and feed him while he spends his unearned inheritance on anything else.

So what he’s tired of van life? You’re tired of having an expensive pet who’s leeching off you and gets nasty when you try and explain how it’s not fair.

ThePoetsWife · 09/08/2023 05:04

Chuck him back into the sea. He's no good.

Raise your standards OP

Billybagpuss · 09/08/2023 07:06

I agree you need to LTB but alternative option charge him rent and save that, you’ll probably find he’ll leave anyway if you do then problem solved.

Sceptre86 · 09/08/2023 07:07

He's a waster. Ask yourself why your standards are so bloody low? Work on your self esteem, ditch him and do better.

Aprilx · 09/08/2023 07:29

This isn’t going to get any better.

SpringleDingle · 09/08/2023 07:33

Cocklodger alert!!

Summerhillsquare · 09/08/2023 07:49

Well this is easy, put his stuff back in the van and change your locks.

Hibye23289 · 09/08/2023 08:05

Yeah this isn't going to change. My exh was terrible with money and still is, he lives at home at the min with parents and works but struggles to pay £150 maintenance for 2 kids some months. Save yourself, you need to 100% split up, if you have kids with him it will get worse and you will be the one sacrificing and going without, getting anxiety everytime he spends and also taking on all the mental baggage. I have experience of this. Please leave

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 09/08/2023 08:07

Make a For DSale sign and stick it on the van. He can rent a flat. You need to reconsider having him in your life bleeding you dry. What a tosser he is. Don't be a mug op.

BarrelOfOtters · 09/08/2023 08:12

I’d love to stay with someone for free while spending all my money on stuff for me. When he leaves can I move in please?

AdoraBell · 09/08/2023 08:17

He shut your question down so that you learn not to question him about anything. This will get worse. Either take your apartment off the market, unless you want to move, but do not put his name on a mortgage application/estate agent contract list/anything else that gives him a tie to you.

He’s shown you who he is, a cocklodger, and if you don’t stand up for yourself this will be your future- paying for everything while he swans about enjoying his disposable income.

HebeJeeby · 09/08/2023 08:40

Thing is OP, you and he have different attitudes towards money and always will. You think you have given him an opportunity to save for a deposit by letting him live for free with you. He thinks he now has more money to piss up the wall as now he has no bills etc..
This relationship won’t work because you are not financially compatible. Better to find out now before he bleeds you dry. Time for him to return to his van.

AmandaHoldensLips · 09/08/2023 08:51

You're not allowed to ask him anything about HIS money and HIS finances.

Try telling him he has to pay you a fair market rent from now on and see what happens. Life isn't free. Unless you're a cocklodger.

Mumski45 · 09/08/2023 08:56

I don't understand why you are not charging him rent so he can save up for a house. You know he is bad with money. Would it not have been better for you to charge him rent and then you could afford to save.

This way he also gets to claim that he will have contributed a higher share towards the joint house should it ever go ahead when in fact it would be your sacrifices that would enable him to save.

This is not fair to you and you haven't even bought together yet. You have time to change your mind and get out now before you get even more enmeshed financially.

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/08/2023 09:10

If he has no bills what's he spending all his money on?

This isn't being "bad with money". He's either gambling, got some very expensive hobbies, a serious porn habit or it's going up his nose.

Enough is enough.

Get rid. He's going down and taking you with him.

tescocreditcard · 09/08/2023 09:10

Yep! Cocklodger. We've all been there take it from us and ask him to.

Out of interest, where did you meet this skint man living in a camper van?

anotherdisaster · 09/08/2023 09:35

I was going to suggest giving him an ultimatum but, actually, I would ditch him altogether. Think about it - would you stay at his house 5 days a week and not contribute? No decent person would dream of that. He's not a good person. Please do not buy a house with this man, then you will be trapped.

Wavessea · 09/08/2023 09:44

Now he isn't very good with money to the point that he spends his full paycheck

I couldn’t be bothered to read further than this

BarbaraV · 09/08/2023 11:22

He's taking you for a right mug

Prelapsarianhag · 09/08/2023 15:10

Can I move in and live with you for free? I promise to save up to buy (me) a house?

immergeradeaus · 09/08/2023 15:12

not a catch, OP

category12 · 09/08/2023 15:23

He gets in a snit to shut you up.

You're being taken for an absolute mug.

Igmum · 09/08/2023 16:13

Another vote for cocklodger. Sorry OP, but he's an absolute knob. Charge him back rent (and LTB).