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Original poster

The awkwardness of money

41 replies

Confused8888 · 08/08/2023 21:44

Hi, me and my partner have been off and on for the past 2.5 years. He currently has a campervan and when we broke up last year for a few months he decided to live in it. We got back together in January and recently he has started staying at mine 5 days a week as he is fed up of van life. I am currently in the middle of selling my apartment and we have decided to wait for him to get a place as it makes more sense for him to be here and saving money. Now he isn't very good with money to the point that he spends his full paycheck every month and even some of his inheritance fund left over yet he has no bills and does not pay me rent. A few months ago when he started staying here more I had to have a conversation with him about money as it will affect my future with his inability to save and have no awareness of what he was doing with it. I am unable to save at present as I am paying a mortgage and all the bills. Bearing in mind he has triple the spending money I do after bills I asked him the other day how is saving for our next property is going. He said leave my savings alone I am trying and then cut the question in quite a harsh way. I am feeling a little aggrieved as he is practically living here rent free, I'm ok for money but not where I used to be when he lived here before the break up and did pay rent and I feel like he is having his cake and eating it to and not trying to help our future when I am trying to help it by not asking for any money in the hope he can save. I'm not really sure what to do here as I don't want to bring it up again but I just don't trust him with money and think it is really unfair if he is living here rent free and not saving the money he could be either paying rent here or getting his own place. I will have the deposit money to put down so will be able to pay my way.

OP posts:
CamelSilk · 09/08/2023 16:15

Why isn't he paying anything at all towards rent and bills?!

GingerIsBest · 09/08/2023 16:18
  1. he's a cocklodger who is happily allowing you to subsidise his life
  2. he is emotionally manipulative, making it so that you feel uncomfortable to bring the subject up.

Ditch him. I wouldn't even recommend trying to get him to compromise. It's very clear that he is quite happy with the status quo and it is NOT a case of him just being a bit clueless. Run run run run run run run.

AgnesX · 09/08/2023 16:19

He moved into yours in January... when it was cold and crappy and has been living off you for 8 months free gratis and for nothing? I'm not surprised he's getting cranky, he sees his free ride coming to an end.

If he's refusing to discuss money now it's never going to improve. Give good, serious consideration on how quickly you can evict him (ie get him to leave).

WhereHasTheSunGoneThisSummer · 09/08/2023 16:53

Ditch.

weemouse · 09/08/2023 17:11

Cocklodger. You know the drill OP

Thelonelygiraffe · 09/08/2023 17:46

It's not awkward. You're paying for him to live. He's a cock-lodger. Get him to move out ASAP.

pollykitty · 09/08/2023 17:50

It’s not awkward. You are being a mug. Dump him.

gamerchick · 09/08/2023 17:54

While you're mulling it over. Tell him you want 500 quid a month or something from him for living at yours. Use it to save up for this magical place.if he pays When he says no, tell him you can't afford to bankroll him and he'll have to go back to his campervan now please.

Opentooffers · 09/08/2023 17:57

Given that you know he's bad with money, there's no point hoping he can save. You'd of been better off collecting rent off him and saving that yourself. Ah but let me guess - was it his idea to do it this way around?

Rec0veringAcademic · 09/08/2023 18:04

I would check the side of my head for a handle if I were you.
Please do yourself a favour and get rid of this leech.

randomusernam · 09/08/2023 20:04

Err he pays half and you save the money you had been paying for yourself!! He isn't saving for your future so why would you subsidise him?

continentallentil · 09/08/2023 20:07

Get rid of this one OP.

You are a roof over his head with bills and sex thrown in. Why allow yourself to be treated like this?

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/08/2023 20:11

"NEE NAR NEE NAR "
(That's the sound of the Cocklodger Alert going off).

A man with such an awful attitude to money isn't attractive.
You know this really, don't you?

OfficerChurlish · 09/08/2023 20:14

Being "bad with money" isn't an inate characteristic (unless it's a result of some other impairment). He can learn to manage money. But he won't even have a civil conversation with you about it. Even if there were some real reason he couldn't pay his share right now, he'd still be discussing it with you, offering something, setting a time- or circumstance-based expectation for when he'll be able to resume contributing fully.

It doesn't just happen that he spends all his money on himself and there's none left for shared expenses; it would be easy enough for him to set up a transfer of funds to your account so money moves in when he's paid and he never even sees it. He could do that even just for his share of food, but he does nothing because he doesn't want to contribute. If he's great otherwise and you still want to be with him, maybe give him ONE last chance to start paying up, but the way he acted when you raised the issue before is a really bad sign.

GrumpyOldCrone · 09/08/2023 20:42

He’s not bad with money. He’s completely irresponsible. And a cocklodger.

Are you prepared to be in the same position in six months? A year? Five years? How long are you willing to put up with it? If I were in your shoes I’d have a date in mind, after which I’d end it.

Bananalanacake · 10/08/2023 16:18

Can't you have a relationship without living together?

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