What is love

[okiedokie1]

A question asked by poets and artists and philosophers since the beginning of time but what do you think love is?
Back in the day, many marriages/unions were of a practical nature and romantic love was not something everyone felt was necessary for a good union. In modern times in the west we have more of a sense that romantic love is essential to a good union and physical attraction but that throws up all sorts of issues in life when one partner 'goes off sex' and what that does to the union.
What makes us so connected to one person that we want to forsake all others (or plan to even if it doesn't pan out that way). It has to be more than respect, rubbing along well together, liking each other and having similar values as one would expect this from friends. What is this bond we call love?

For me it is everything I expect from a close / best friend plus physical attraction.

100% mutual respect, whatever the circumstances.

I suppose its not just one thing.

A big one for me is prioritising someone else's needs above your wants.

I think that covers most things tbh.

I loved Clive Wearing's answer to this question in the 'Man with a 7-second memory' documentary...
'Zero in tennis and everything in life'
❤️

At the risk of sounding like a hippy woo-woo, I've always loved this poem

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/148579/on-love

Love is the vehicle for moving us from one state of development to another. When that ceases to happen, problems arise.

It't not always an easy ride, but no experience is wasted.

I don't think I believe in romantic love

Wanting what is best for the other person.

But I want the best for all my dearest friends and they me. We have love for each other but we are not in love with each other. There must be more

But I respect all my closest friends. I admire, respect and enjoy them. Yet I don't love them as I do my dh. What is this thing we call love?

So if physical attraction dies one should end the union? So many people on MN talk about no longer wanting to be physical with their partner. Does that mean they no longer love them?

Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more….

<sniggers>

I was always under the impression there are different types of love. The love you feel for parents differs from the love you feel for your child/ren, which differs from the love you feel for your close friends, which is different again for the love you feel for a place or a building or a dress, different again for a pet, and of course, different again for a romantic partner.

In that respect, sex is only a small part of “love” but sex is what makes the platonic love towards family, friends, pets, etc. different from romantic love.

I’m fiercely loyal and protective of my family and friends, etc. as I am/would be for a romantic partner. But I don’t want to sleep with family and friends, etc. They don’t generate that lust.

A quick internet search brings up this -

8 Types Of Love + How To Find Out Which One You Have | mindbodygreen

Love is infinite. We can love many people in many ways.

Was looking for this comment 😁Had a convo just yesterday how it was impossible to dicuss love in a roomful of gen xers because they would all just say this!

Ah well the 'in love' bit is really just brain chemicals.

Yeah came on to say this

I don't feel anything additional to that. He's just the person I admire and respect most. I don't shag my friends, but some kind of dizzy infatuation/romance/sexual desire is not the basis of my relationship with DH (unlike earlier, more toxic relationships). I think if you build a life with someone you have more "skin in the game" so perhaps that's the extra dimension compared with friendship?

With my DH, there is all the usual stuff like respect, wanting our lives to progress, growing together. But there is also a biological pheromone based sexual attraction there that I’ve not had with anyone else. Even just the smell of his skin drives me crazy, and he’s the same with me. You don’t get that with your close friends!

It's wanting to stay after the sparkle has gone.

It's family commitment.

If we only stay for the good times, then it's a bit flimsy imo.

Love to me is being excited for your best friend to come home & never getting bored of their company. It's feeling excited and giddy. It's allowing yourself to be fully YOU; the happy, silly, grumpy, childish, serious sides of you. Love is getting out of bed earlier than them on a Sunday morning to sort the dog & kids out..making them a cup of tea and taking it to them just so they get a day off from busy morning family life! Love is spending a whole weekend with them and then feeling like you're missing your right arm when you leave for work on Monday morning. I might love my friends but he is the person I respect, care about, confide in, am attracted to more than anyone in the world which separates friendship & romantic love. I love my friends but I don't want to snog their faces off or spend every night of my life with them🤣

I came here for this!

But very few people who have been together 30 years still feel giddy and snog each others faces off. Some might but most don't. So are you saying that they are no longer in love?

A temporary hormonal imbalance!

I am actually not entirely that cynical but certainly that early butterflies feeling is all about the dopamine. Longer term for me it is about finding someone who makes me smile, someone who is respectful of my needs and who looks after me a bit, someone I can enjoy looking after and who is a bit grateful for my care, it's someone I can laugh with and be silly with and who wants to come to the fairy ball with me this weekend because I want to wear my new green corset, it's great sex and also knowing you can say no thanks without worrying, it's a bit of planning for the future but mostly just planning for next weekend, someone I can enjoy sitting quietly with whilst I read my book... It's lots of things all rolled up together that makes someone the one I love but the hormones don't hurt!

The first thing that came into my head when I read it 😂