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Original poster

GF objects to ex seeing my family

57 replies

lostsoul88 · 07/08/2023 23:31

I recently went to an event for my niece (she was in a local play) (sisters daughter), unknown to me my sister invited my ex wife. Not a problem for me I said hi etc and that was pretty much it.

However my wife then posted it on Facebook and my new partner saw it and had a blazing row with me. I explained it’s nothing to do with me if my sister wants to invite her. I certainly didn’t go with her or even expect her to be there.

how is this my fault? Am I wrong to dismiss my new partners fears? She’s now saying I owe her a massive apology etc etc.

She’s also said my sister was out of order for including her. I don’t see why my ex should be isolated from my family she has known for 25 years even though we don’t really speak much.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 11/08/2023 09:01

That kind of thing is out of your control. Your ex has known your sister for 25 years, and watched your niece grow up. It's nice they're all friends. Your girlfriend sees her ex 3 times a week because of access to their child, which is fine. Double standards here. She doesn't sound reasonable, if she can't accept your ex is still friends with your sister. Don't be like my bil who got angry when I didn't stop talking to his ex, because they broke up. In the end she stopped contact because of his behaviour, everytime he found out. I never bothered again to welcome anymore new girlfriends of his. We're all grown ups, we can handle being friends 😂

WilkinsonM · 11/08/2023 09:05

TheAverageJoanne · 11/08/2023 08:28

To those of you saying controlling, massive twat, needs to wind her neck in ... I've been there. I was none of those things but I was horrendously insecure from a terrible childhood and bad experience with previous boyfriends. But my ex and his family didn't know that.

My now ex's ex was a friend of his sister and his mother was very fond of her. Slightly differently to the op I had her rammed down my throat at every opportunity by his mother and to a lesser extent his sister. I saw red and acted like the girlfriend in this post. My ex didn't handle it well because he was a mummy's boy but if he had, things might have been different.

It's usually (but not always) insecurities rather than control or abuse that prompts people to act like that so have a sensible conversation about it and if she can't change then it's time to think again.

As a postscript to this story the ex turned out to be a massive twat himself and his ex became a good friend and we had fun congratulating ourselves he was an ex to us both! She's happily married with three kids now.

If you're controlling and Twatty because of a challenging childhood it's your responsibility to address and deal with that, not inflict it on partners. Being insecure doesn't excuse controlling and Twatty behaviour.

FartSock5000 · 11/08/2023 10:14

@Captain1 your GF is insecure, jealous and controlling.

You need to end the relationship. She won't suddenly get better. In fact, she will get far worse and you will end up in a messy, scary place.

She isn't ready or doesn't know how to be in a happy, healthy relationship.

End it now before you get dragged into her personal baggage. Especially as a child is involved.

7 months in and it should be all fun, sex and happy dates.

This is NOT normal or healthy. RUNNNNNNNN!

JulieHoney · 11/08/2023 10:19

🚩 🚩 🚩

She’s insecure or controlling, and I’d not engage with that nonsense.

Sakura7 · 11/08/2023 10:30

TakeNoNoticeoftheNoise · 08/08/2023 08:12

The MN demographic means you'll get a lot of exes' opinions which will support your point of view but not necessarily show a fair argument. The girlfriend may feel exclusion or discomfort at you being around your ex - it doesn't make her an ogre or controlling - just sensitive to a new relationship. You should have been honest. It doesn't show any loyalty to your girlfriend to be found out via SM that you've spent time with your ex. The fact it was unplanned and 'nothing happened' is besides the point.

This is absolute nonsense.

The ex has been in the family's lives for years and is also an aunt to OP's niece. OP's sister was the one that invited her.

Anyone who gets insecure about that needs to cop on quite frankly, you cannot expect to control your partner's family's relationships.

What exactly is OP supposed to have done wrong here?

Not to mention it's massively hypocritical given that the GF spends lots of time with her ex.

She sounds like a nightmare OP and will only get worse, walk away now before it gets more serious.

Newestname002 · 11/08/2023 12:58

@Captain1

I think it's clear from not only your response, but those of the responses you're getting, that your girlfriend is completely out of order. Things are supposed to be fun between the two of you so early on into your relationship but she sounds like such hard work.

I'd get out of this irritating relationship as soon as possible and get back into your own home - I can't see why you wouldn't. 🌹

TheAverageJoanne · 11/08/2023 19:03

WilkinsonM · 11/08/2023 09:05

If you're controlling and Twatty because of a challenging childhood it's your responsibility to address and deal with that, not inflict it on partners. Being insecure doesn't excuse controlling and Twatty behaviour.

Show quote history

I did. I wasn't actually controlling. My ex turned out to be, though, and an abuser.

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