No sex and money arguments.

[aa1792]

Hi,

Been with my husband 11 years.

We've not had sex for 4/5 years, we've had relationship counselling, which did help a little but still no sexual relationship between us.

He works crazy hours, we're in a house with high monthly mortgage, I'm working part time, but have battled for years with mh. Since before meeting my husband.

There's been times I haven't even earnt enough to pay my way, I'm currently being tested for autism.

I've had over 10 jobs and never settled but finally feel happy in my job.

But we recently had another chat about having children and what happiness looks like.

And again when I said I want to feel loved, he then said I'm giving my all paying for everything and working every hour of the day and I come home and all I hear is I want a cuddle I want a kiss.

I feel bad for wanting affection, I almost feel like it's I pay for everything and you get nothing from me or start paying your way and you can have affection again.

He's done a lot for me over the years, but doesn't under the mh side, once said my depression was a definition of being lazy.

I moved from my parents into a flat and we both paid the exact same, tho he earnt 3 times my wage. And all went down hill from then.

I do all the house work, and work 3 days a week.
Recently work have increased my hours so I've started contributing again, but I can't help but feel frustrated that he's within drawn any affection or love because he seems to resent the passed when I couldn't pay at all.

10 jobs in 11 years is a lot!
What makes you think he's not being affectionate because he pays more than you?
Has he said that? Or could that be your own assumption and insecurities because you feel you haven't paid enough?

What if he's just exhausted from work?
Are you affectionate to him? Do you make him feel wanted when he gets home from work or do you assume that he should be the one dishing out the love? If you are doing all you can your side and he's still not interested then he's not interested.
If there is already issues around income and insecurities about money/power/love please please please do not bring children into this situation.

OP why have you started another thread on this when you've already got one running?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4865936-withdrawn-love-and-affection-because-of-money

Yup. You're not going to get different answers op.

I can't access that account for some strange reason the password wouldn't work so I had to redo the post! X

I know I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed with autism and they think not being able settle in jobs etc is part of it.

Also, we don't have sex, he never cuddles or kisses me.
I am affectionate to him, I do cuddle up to him and kiss him and flirt but nothing happens

I do think over time this has made me insecure, but I feel so disheartened, I know he does a lot for me and works his arse off, but I don't feel like his wife, I almost feel like he's taken away any affection I do deserve as his wife because he's having to work extra to keep a rough over head.

Having said that we don't do date nights or holidays, but he goes away with his friends and things. So I'm not asking for him to give me any spending money or throwing any money away I do have.

He's pretty much he can't come after a long day and be affectionate when he's the only bread winner, I do contribute to the house financially but it's very small, but I do all the cleaning etc and sort the pets out.

He's now saying the idea of sex scares him, I have to ask for a cuddle or a kiss because it's not that we're ever in a situation where it can just happen for example cuddling on the sofa.

I just don't know what to do, I don't want to come across ungrateful but it feels like I can't have the loving side of him if he's working more.

Xx

From the other thread he'd work two jobs, and I was forever alone in the house, which as you can imagine is lonely. he was more interested in saving for a house and all other wonderful things than living in the moment.

I'd be really annoyed and frustrated having to work two jobs and trying to save money while my partner worked part time, complained about being lonely while I worked, and wanted to 'live in the moment'. Does that really mean spend as soon as you get it?

Not at all.

but I want him to be able to rest, yet he isn't willing to slow down.
and in the middle of all this he has added to our money spenditure getting a puppy.

I am always trying lower bills by cutting out what we don't need then I propose it to him and he's like no it's ok.

I am not an animal who sits in all day and wants designer hang bags and wants my feet rubbed.

I just feel rejected. X

Are you reading the other thread OP and taking onboard what people are saying?

I am, but this is painting a completely different picture of me.

No one is perfect but I don't sit on sofa all day letting him do all the hard work either. X

Probably fair to let posters on your other thread know that you've started a new one. Posting a link to this one would be good.