Is this weird?

[mommabearrof3]

So my partner has always been very private with his phone. He says he isn't but it's always glued to him in the toilet/shower. He makes 100% sure it's never lying around. Last year he changed the passcode on it for no reason and the only reason I knew was because I asked to borrow it and he was so reluctant to let me use jt. He's recently got a new phone so obviously I don't know the password (which is fine and I'd never snoop). But last year he confessed that the protectiveness was down to the fact that he'd been watching porn and live cam girls. This was when I was heavily pregnant with our third and he decided he wasn't attracted to me which never happened in my previous pregnancies.

Yes it's my fault for staying with him and I'll probably always feel suspicious that he's doing it again. This is how he has his phone every night "for his alarm" because when it vibrates on the wall it's louder apparently. Again, fine! But he does this at the weekend too!! The thing is if I express my concerns, (he promised last year to be more open about things), he will just delete anything that could be on there. I never saw any physical evidence last year of what he'd said he'd been watching because I didn't look. Other than this things are good between us and he's a great dad.

Is anybody else's partner like this???
(Also excuse my skirting boards that clearly need a dust and the carpet under the bed🤣)

You don’t trust him, and with good reason, the relationship is over. He had his chance to change and he didn’t.

I’m pretty private about mine, even though there’s nothing on it, but I certainly don’t take mine into the shower or hide it down the side of the bed in that way. He really is making sure you can’t access it isn’t he?

I cannot tell where he is keeping his phone from that photo??

he'd been watching porn and live cam girls
had this cost family money? nd how much of it? And shat did he say to justify this?

This was when I was heavily pregnant with our third and he decided he wasn't attracted to me
you were pregnant with his child. Why did he think you should be attractive to him at all times? Is that what he views you as and nothing more?

Other than this things are good between us and he's a great dad
Thinking about this past week, what has he done as a good partner and great dad?

The thing is if I end it with no proof of anything he will just make me feel crazy!

so not a good partner then if you know he will make you feel crazy.

He is the one making you doubt yourself, ie ‘crazy’.

It's behind the head of our bed, on the floor on his side! So like at the top of our bed if that makes sense. And he is great around the house and great with the children, although not so great if anybody wakes in the night! It took a lot of getting past and I just feel like the sneaky behaviour is making its way back again

The fact that he’d paid for live cam girls would have been enough for me to end it.

He said he never paid for them and did show me his bank transactions so I didn't think he had!

Ok, I’ll change it to the fact that he’s watched them. That would have been enough. The father of your children used porn and watches women live doing sex acts. Is that what you want for them ?

And a pregnancy scare earlier in the year.

op, shat are you doing? youre going to be completely trapped by a man who thinks it is ok to expect you to be attractive for him at all times, who uses porn, who uses camgirls, who is secretive.

in what ways has he been a good husband this week?

in what ways has he been a great father this week?

Do you keep having children hoping that this will trap him or does he encourage more children so that you will not stray?

Good thing I'm not pregnant and haven't been having sex since my last post. It's only the last week or so I've noticed it more and it's started going in the shower with him again! Hence why I've come to MN for seconds opinions.

Whether I chose to get past a problem in the relationship last time isn't what I'm looking for advice/reflection on. He was very open with his phone but I've noticed things going downhill again recently so wanted to make sure this isn't "normal" behaviour as I've no proof, before I confront him about it. My children are perfectly happy and very much loved by us both!

What difference will it make?

it isnt normal. He is hiding something from you and he has already told you about porn and camgirls, which youee ok with so it isnt that.

It doesn't matter what his opinion of your ending the relationship is. You life should not be seen through the lens of how he views you. Stop hearing his opinion and allowing it to dictate how you lead YOUR life.

He sounds revolting. You can leave and never tell him why. In fact, that would be the best option.

I would suspect that him telling you he looks at porn and cam girls is him being very economical with the truth too. I bet the reality is worse.

They are connected. When you chose to accept that behaviour last year, he chose to continue the behaviour.

what is your position here? Whats your career? Are you full time? Assets? How strong is your position?

Just realised you're not married either.

is your house in both names? Savings? Bank accounts? Did he top up your pension when you were on three mat leaves?