Really unhappy in relationship.. shall I leave?

[Chocolatelover87]

I am almost 6 months pregnant with 1st baby & I don’t know if it’s my hormones but I am really starting to hate my partner.

He moans and starts arguments with me over the silliest things such as:

Closing all my windows when I go out (in my own house).

Wearing a face mask sometimes more then once.

But what burns me the most is how he constantly disregards my concerns about pregnancy when I have had bleeds or sometimes when I am concerned I can’t feel the baby move as much.

For months he told me “bleeding was normal in pregnancy” and I had to ask him in front of a midwife to shut him down and prove him wrong.

He also believes that having extra discharge is ‘my waters breaking and I should get used too it”.

He listens to my belly and hears noises which he believes is the baby moving but the midwife just confirmed tonight it can be the Amniotic fluid or my bowels.
Wrong again

He really is a thick twat who thinks he knows it all.

The final straw came tonight when I called the hospital and he started shouting at me “why didn’t I call the hospital in front of him”?.
Apparently I have got something to hide and I’m “loose”.

Another thing that scares me is how he speeds with me in the car, he will often do 40 mph in a 30 zone and tonight did 50mph in a 30 zone.
I had to get him to stop the car so I could get an Uber home as I was so scared.

I really want to leave this horrible relationship, he is not supportive at all and will always find something to pick on me for something which I find bullying.

I currently have a UTI and on antibiotics and not feeling the best and still he is moaning and picking rows with me.

Am I just being over sensitive or is it him?
I would rather be alone then to have to endure this man much longer.

@Chocolatelover87 - he sounds awful and your pregnancy sounds relatively high risk so you’re right to be vigilant and he’s wrong to dismiss your concerns. UTIs are rotten but very responsive to antibiotics so you should be feeling better soon from that perspective.

Was this a planned pregnancy? He doesn’t sound like a man to have children with. If you’re unmarried and in England, he will only have parental rights if named on the birth certificate. If you’re unmarried, you can’t name him unless he comes with you to register the birth with you. He can apply to court to get himself added if he’s determined to do so. But you might want to think about this question as you definitely need to separate.

You are ridiculous, offensive and racist.

@Chocolatelover87 I’m really sorry your thread has been sidelined by a troll.
I think it’s clear you are spotting the red flags , personally it does look abusive , you need support from a caring partner , he seems to revel in belittling and gaslighting you .
Personally I think life with your new baby will be happier and less stressful without him .

Let’s ignore the troll and keep trying to give the OP good advice.

He sounds awful @Chocolatelover87 and if he’s like this during pregnancy he’ll only get worse. Trust your gut and get out now is my advice.

What are the practicalities? Do you have somewhere to go and stay? Do you have an income? Can we help you plan your escape from this horrible man?

He has very odd priorities around safety, worrying about open windows and face masks but not about speeding in built up areas. And it might be good if he did an Internet search before he started telling you all about pregnancy. It doesn't sound like you are finding him much support at the moment. Can you honestly see that improving after the baby is born? It may be that you are both a bit stressed, in which case some space would be a good idea. It sounds more like he's an opinionated dick and that's unlikely to change. Look after yourself

Do you live together OP ?

Listen to your gut. You are a sane rational person who knows he is a small sad man who will make your life harder. Better to leave now while you still can, will be harder after the baby.

I think you would be happier without him. Do you live together?

Any man who deliberately frightens you when he is driving dangerously is one to avoid. He shouldn't be driving so fast anyway.

He is enjoying scaring you. Does he assault you at all? Punch the walls?

He definitely sounds like a pompous, self-important POS. If I were you I would make plans to separate from him - before the baby is born.

You mentioned he has always been like this, you now need to put your child first I know plenty of thriving single mothers, please put your baby first there is help and services available speak to your midwife they can point you in the right direction, don’t talk your self into excuses if he is this bad before you where pregnant and getting worse then all likelihood is that he will get worse with the added stress of a newborn not to mention the toll it will take on you and that poor baby

What were the reasons you chose this person to sire your offspring, out of curiosity.

I'm so sorry your thread has been derailed by trolls and unsympathetic idiots.
To answer your question. I think you'll be in a world of misery if you stay with this man. What you're experiencing now is a small taste of things to come. Please make plans to get away. You'll find lots of good practical advice on here and maybe seek help from friends, family and womens aid.
In my experience, it's much easier to be a single mum than live with a man like him. He'll be jealous of the baby, probably won't do any parenting but criticise yours constantly.
Please read Lundy Bancroft "why does he do that". It's an eye opener.
Best wishes for the future.

He sounds unhinged. End it now. Protect yourself and the baby.

@Chocolatelover87 In answer to your original question, yes you should leave. This man is abusive, unsympathetic and not supportive towards you while you are having a difficult pregnancy. It will be easier to leave now before you give birth.

Do you have any friends or family around you? If so, they will be better to rely on than this horrid scumbag. Please keep yourself safe because some men can become physically abusive when they realise that you are ending the relationship. Speak to Women’s Aid for advice and let your midwife know that you are ending an abusive relationship.

Thanks to those who have all posted lovely replies and offered some good advice.

I have felt for a while that I would be better off alone as he is just so awful to be around.
I do pretty much everything myself anyway and look after myself.

On the few occasions he has given me a lift to the shops or hospital, he will never let me forget it so I will just buy everything for the baby myself to avoid him throwing that back in my face as well.

Fortunately we do not live together thank God.

When I have tried to break up with him or dont answer his calls he will just turn up at my door.

He is adamant that he wants the baby to take his surname and says it won’t really be his child if the baby has my surname.

I am thinking of moving closer to family but with me due to go on Maternity Leave from work next month I am not sure letting agents would rent too me.

I would say it is more emotional and mental abuse.

I would 100% give the baby your surname and first names that you love!

I would also look at moving and see if its practical for you now.

He sounds thick as pig shit. And like a dickhead on top. Some unintelligent people can be lovely humans. But thick and mean is a terrible combo.

When you say, it's your own house, do you mean he has his own place or that he is living with you in yours?

Break up with him.
Give baby your surname.
Make a better life for yourself xxxx

If the baby isn't his quit his surname then do yourself and your kid a favour and 100% give them YOUR name . Then the knuckle dragging mouth breather will hopefully not bother with either of you and leave you to raise your baby in peace.

In your shoes I would

1. Move closer to family ASAP.
2. Give the baby your surname.
3. Leave him off the birth certificate.

We live separately, I rent a house and he rents a flat, reason we don’t live together is because he has an XL Bully that I am afraid of.

Dont get me wrong I love animals (I have cats) but this dog is quite intimidating.

I am also really concerned how he expects the dog to be around the baby, and thinks because he believes the dog to be well trained the baby will be safe.

I was attacked by a friend’s dog many years ago hence my caution with dogs, I love all animals but nobody can guarantee a dog will never bite, but this idiot seems to think otherwise.

Yea fuck that shit, get rid and leave him off the birth certificate it'll make yours and your child's life easier.

Definitely don't put his name on the birth certificate. I would be worried about him getting unsupervised access and having the baby around the dog

I am so sorry that you have to go through this especially while pregnant. Usually when you start thinking if you should leave someone, the answer lies in you even thinking about it. I wouldn't want to subject myself and my baby for his behaviour. It is not healthy and you cannot risk your child. I am not sure how you are planning to merge your lives together under the same roof as he has this dog that you are not comfortable with and worry about him around the baby. Please think of yourself and your baby and get out of this relationship is my advice.