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Original poster

How would you feel….

26 replies

Maybemaybenot76 · 04/08/2023 22:09

About your partner of 10 years and father of your children, hanging out socially with colleagues and one in particular who has blocked your number because you dared ask if your partner was with them, when he was ignoring you on a night out after you had an argument, because they “won’t help me keep him on a leash.” I was also pregnant at the time.

OP posts:
Neodymium · 04/08/2023 22:10

I think the problem is your partner

CarlossitaMamacita · 04/08/2023 22:57

I would feel like a fool

Restinggoddess · 04/08/2023 23:21

Angry and annoyed

With the husband - and very suspicious of the colleague who blocked you when pregnant ( anything could have happened)
Husband and mates are immature

How are things now?

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/08/2023 23:23

I would think that he was a prick and that his friends were pricks. Personally, I'dbe looking at alternatives to living with him.

What's your housing and financial situation like?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2023 23:24

Embarrassed

RandomForest · 05/08/2023 02:07

Birds of a feather flock together.

In no way would a decent partner allow their wives to be humilliated, mocked, and judged by their friends.

Your partner has not got your back.

Thatisme · 05/08/2023 02:34

RandomForest · 05/08/2023 02:07

Birds of a feather flock together.

In no way would a decent partner allow their wives to be humilliated, mocked, and judged by their friends.

Your partner has not got your back.

This. I'm sorry OP and I feel your pain.

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 04:07

Like sticking pins into his scrotal sack for a laugh tbh.

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 06:17

Well, the issue is that we had had a huge fight that evening and I had said some hurtful things in anger. As such, he was obviously upset too and after speaking with said colleague she ignored my text and blocked me! She decided it is also “controlling” of me to want to know his whereabouts etc.

I should also mention that this woman also slept with him whilst he was in a previous relationship, and confided in me that she did it to “get back at his gf” whom had upset her. Tbh I blame DP for this, and it was a very long time ago, with her current long term partner also working with them and part of their social group. It still obviously fucks me off that she is clearly that type of a calculated woman, and I don’t see why she should have access to DP socially if she has no respect for his pregnant partner.

DP feels I am unreasonable and making things difficult for him now because her and her partner are part of a small business, they are always going to be there whenever anybody has a social gathering, and are unavoidable. So if I don’t want him drinking socially with them, he can’t drink socially with any of them iyswim.

It’s a mess and like you say, I feel a fool. This isn’t “just” a colleague, they are business partners and as such I have since felt I can’t go anywhere near the business either.

OP posts:
Yea2023 · 05/08/2023 08:30

I assume desperation made you contact the colleague but

  1. I would have blocked you to if I were her, she isn’t responsible for your DH actions

2.he is the problem in all of this, she doesn’t owe you anything.

3.You relationship sounds shaky?

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 08:39

@Yea2023 This colleague isn’t just a stranger, we have socialised together on occasions, chatted over the years and have had each other on social media for years too. Her behaviour was not ok.

OP posts:
lyralycra · 05/08/2023 08:45

I would feel like she's not a woman's woman and that her blocking you in no way reflects you. She sounds like she could be a drama queen or that she gets off on situations where a man is apparently putting her above his own partner.
As for him, it sounds like he doesn't have your back, he could be a bit of a coward, possibly two-faced. Why the hell is he confiding in her?!

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 08:49

@lyralycra This is how I feel. I find her behaviour disgusting, I wouldn’t treat another woman like that, especially pregnant! A simple “yes, he’s ok and with me” would have sufficed, but to ignored and block?

OP posts:
Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 08:52

@lyralycra she had the cheek to contact his sister the next morning and ask if he got there ok, as he’d obviously told them he was heading to his parents that evening (I’d asked him to stay somewhere else due to the reasons behind our argument.)

His sister also felt it was odd and very shit stirry to text her. I told DP this and he said clearly she was just worried!! If she was, she should have text this grown man’s long term partner and mother of his kids. It was all a ploy to shit stir and involve the family. I’d already been speaking to his sister about what had happened but what if I hadn’t and didn’t want them knowing!

OP posts:
Yea2023 · 05/08/2023 08:56

Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 08:39

@Yea2023 This colleague isn’t just a stranger, we have socialised together on occasions, chatted over the years and have had each other on social media for years too. Her behaviour was not ok.

Maybe she is shit stirring but if your DH didn’t treat you badly she wouldn’t be able to either?

Why should she be more responsible for letting you know where he was than he is?

It sounds as if your relationship has serious issues but you are deflecting the core issue why absolving him.

Chances are if she wasn’t about he would still treat you like shit and/or find someone else to make you feel stupid.

Yea2023 · 05/08/2023 08:59

Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 08:39

@Yea2023 This colleague isn’t just a stranger, we have socialised together on occasions, chatted over the years and have had each other on social media for years too. Her behaviour was not ok.

In fact, he isn’t a stranger either. He committed to you, lives with you, had planned children with you yet stormed out after a row with no concern as to your (pregnant) well being m, to have fun with others.

his behaviour isn’t of a decent partner.

Are things better now?

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 05/08/2023 09:02

@Yea2023 I obviously have an issue with his behaviour, but he cheated on his ex with this woman so I was already wary for a while when we first met!! I got over it, she made this huge song and dance about how it meant nothing and her reasoning for it (even though I never actually mentioned it to her) so for her to behave like this, I don’t find ok. Not surprising really, but supposedly everyone has grown up.

If she had our relationships best interests at heart, she wouldn’t have reacted like that. My friends certainly wouldn’t had the shoe been on the other foot!

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 05/08/2023 09:02

I'd feel very single if I had to call his friends to look for him and even more happily single if that was the sort of friends he had

Yea2023 · 05/08/2023 09:07

Did you know your DH was a cheat before you settled down with him?
If he has done it before how has he convinced you he won’t again?

If she had our relationships best interests at heart, she wouldn’t have reacted like that.

To be fair, he doesn’t seem to have your relationships best interest at heart and he is in it!

It’s not her relationship anyway.

It sounds like this was a while ago, how have things been with DH? Is he more trustworthy now?

Dombasle · 05/08/2023 09:09

Don't shift blame and bad feelings onto her regardless of whatever she is an unpleasant woman or not.

Focus on his treatment of you which doesn't appear to be all that.

VeridicalVagabond · 05/08/2023 09:14

I'd feel very embarrassed that this was the man I'd chosen to father my children, to be honest.

Did you know about his cheating prior to getting into a relationship with him? And you're comfortable with him still spending time with the woman he's already cheated with before? Sharing the details of your arguments with her? Or am I misreading that?

He sounds a twat and you sound a doormat if I'm being honest. He'd be being told not to bother coming home if he were my husband.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2023 09:18

You’re expecting far more of this random woman than you are of your own partner. Which is unproductive and silly. He’s your problem, deal with him and stop obsessing about her.

RandomForest · 05/08/2023 17:35

You need to get out of this triangulated hell.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 05/08/2023 18:02

I have my bosses wife blocked because she kept calling me on a night out wanting to know where her husband was. I found it utterly disrespectful to me, I'm not her husband's keeper, I don't want to be involved in their arguments. I wasn't best pleased with my boss either.

Your issues are with your husband, even if you don't trust this woman. Deal with your husband and leave other people out of it.

FloweryName · 05/08/2023 18:12

This woman doesn’t sound like a nice person, but I can see where your husband is coming from in that he can’t be expected to stop socialising with everyone just because she will be there. Especially as she’s there with her own partner.

I don’t think she was obliged to text you back about your husband’s whereabouts and your pregnancy is irrelevant unless you messaged that you were going into Labour or something. She didn’t do anything wrong by ignoring you when in her mind you’d just been really horrible to someone she considers a friend.

Your issue about her having previously slept with your DP is clouding your judgement.

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